Epsilon: You're taking this with entirely the wrong attitude, Chris.

Blade: You should call me Blade. We have to stay consistant, you know.

Epsilon: Whatever. Are we going to do a review such that we reveal major spoilers, or not?

Blade: What spoilers? Everyody who goes to the movie knows that Josh hacks them apart with his axe at the end.

Epsilon: After dressing in drag and learning ventriloquism?

Blade: Exactly! And after that, goes on to star in "Kiki's Delivery Service 2: Homicidal Rampage in the City".

Epsilon: What is it with delivery people and going postal?

Blade: I don't know, maybe it's a mail fetish.

Epsilon: 9_9 Maybe we should get to the actual review now?

Blade: But why? This is so much fun!

Epsilon: Anyways...This is our review of The Blair Witch Project, for those who hadn't figured it out upon clicking the link marked "The Blair Witch Project". For those of you who haven't seen the movie - yes, all three of you - this is a heavily atmospheric piece, done by a bunch of independant filmmakers, which is making an unnatural amount of money.

Blade: Damn them all! That should be US!

Epsilon: You have no idea how to make films, Blade.

Blade: Neither do most of the people who do make them.

Epsilon: Point.

Blade: Anyway, like I said, this was one of the funniest movies I've seen in a long time. This is probably because I am a sick, depraved bastard. Either that, or it's the fact that the plot made no sense.

Epsilon: I'd say both. But what do you expect? It's a horror movie. If it had a plot that made sense, we wouldn't be scared.

Blade: But we weren't scared.

Epsilon: That's because we're sick, depraved bastards. In any case, everybody else in the theatre was scared.

Blade: Yeah, half the fun was watching all the shmucks laughing at the early bits and then getting reeeeeaaaalllllyyy quiet later on. Heh.

Epsilon: Sort of like that guy who brought his five year old daughter to the film when I saw it?

Blade: Don't remind me. >_< Hey, if you're reading this, guy who brought your five-year-old daughter to the Blair Witch Project, you make Genma and Gendo look like models of parenting!

Epsilon: I doubt he's ever seen anime.

Blade: Then what would he be doing on our page?

Epsilon: Point.

Blade: He's attracted by our natural effusive charisma, of course. Well...MY natural effusive charisma, anyway.

Epsilon: You're the one who's always saying people know that you're evil.

Blade: I didn't say it was GOOD charisma. If this guy brought his daughter to that film, he must be attracted to evil.

Epsilon: Hmm...we've drifted off the topic again.

Blade: Oh, right. Those vaguely demonic symbols were neat. I wish I could put those up in my backyard.

Epsilon: Weren't you happy with hanging them in the doorways of all your neighbours this morning?

Blade: Shh!

Epsilon: Well, anyway, as an atmospheric movie, this is among the best. It was definitely the scariest film I've ever seen, the Spice Girls movie excepted.

Blade: But you weren't scared.

Epsilon: Your point?

Blade: Never mind...it also had some great acting in it, mostly because they weren't really acting.

Epsilon: Gotta love that point where they whisper "was it them again?" in the middle of one of the scary scenes.

Blade: Indeed. Rumours are already flying about a sequel. That ought to be amusing. "Three SWAT team members were sent into the woods near Burkitsville, Maryland, inexplicably armed only with cameras and recording equipment, to investigate the Blair Witch Project."

Epsilon: "Five minutes later, their fifty-nine teammates arrived on the scene and napalmed the place to kingdom come."

Blade: At least this one will have a higher budget.

Epsilon: Well, we should probably wrap this up now. To wrap up: the Blair Witch Project is a well-executed and atmospheric horror flick with all the plot holes and lame logic one expects from horror flicks. As such, highly analytical people such as myself aren't likely to find it enthralling. A-.

Blade: Hmm...well, I agree with most of the above, but add that if you're deranged enough to think it's funny to say "well, at least now you've got some food!" when the remaining protagonists get a yummy sack o' Josh Parts, you'll no doubt find this film highly entertaining. Still, one thing I did have a problem with was that certain parts, especially when we switched from camera to camera, were too well-edited to preserve the "realism" that it was trying to get across. B+. That being said, we would now like to present a selection from the opening theme of the movie...


"If you go out in the woods today, you're in for a big surprise.
If you go out in the woods today, you won't believe your eyes!
Because's today's the day..."