Blade: I'm just a generally pretentious fan, so I only saw it this morning, as I had nothing better to do.

Epsilon: This movie is a low-budget, slow-paced pseudo-comedy with stilted dialogue and a general atmosphere of hatred towards the rest of humanity.

Blade: Just like this webpage!

Epsilon: ...that's disturbingly accurate.

Blade: Eheh. Well, despite the fact I had no real interest in watching it, Clerks turned out to be a pretty cool movie. I can't think of any other media off-hand that contains necrophilia, charismatic drug dealers, and hitting people with bread.

Epsilon: Err, not counting Ranma, anyway.

Blade: Yeah, not counting Ranma. But while not falling-out-of-your-seat funny, Clerks is an amusing story, especially if your sense of humour is as bitter and twisted as ours and apparently Kevin Smith's.

Epsilon: This is the guy who wrote the most sacriligious movie of all time, after all.

Blade: Err, not counting The Life of Brian, anyway.

Epsilon: And besides, it has stinging social commentary on the nature of modern society!

Blade: That actually is stinging, for once, instead of feel-good hippie crap that bashes Big Government or Big Business or Big Money or Big Edna.

Epsilon: Which reminds me, we should do a UHF review sometime.

Blade: Another movie that all pretentious cult film buffs will have seen already. But that is neither here nor there, since we haven't written it.

Epsilon: Of course, once we actually do a review of UHF, that particular line will make no sense, but oh well.

Blade: C'est la vie. I liked Clerks rather a lot. It wasn't perfect, but it was witty and original and had a good moral message that wasn't overpoweringly in-your-face like so many films. Though I definitely agree with whoever first told Smith to cut out the original ending, because it sucked muchly and destroyed the entire point of the film. B-.

Epsilon: However, since they did cut it out, it doesn't matter. This movie I actually liked enough to pay money to own, which for those who don't know me, is rather a big deal. Definitely B.

Blade: In more ways than one.