Blade: However, unlike all those other people, we happen to be correct.

Epsilon: So in an effort to emancipate the ignorant masses from their meaningless lives, we shall share our wisdom with you.

Blade: Whenever we feel like it, anyway. Which isn't often.

Epsilon: It doesn't help that you're all ignorant masses and therefore piss us off.

Blade: Plus, we do filk songs!

Epsilon: Happy happy filk songs! Everybody loves filk songs!

Blade: People who disagree and do not love filk songs are WRONG and must be PUNISHED!

Epsilon: Which brings us back to "sharing our wisdom with you". That was your first lesson.

Blade: Lesson #2 involves grated cheese, the Emancipation Proclamation, and deodorant. But you're not ready for that yet.

Epsilon: Until you are, feel free to read these essays.

Blade: And filk songs!

Nifty Pieces Of Writing

• Ranma 1/2 For People With Short Attention Spans
  Yes, this is it. Fed up with the endless line of worthless cretins who were unwilling to spend inordinate amounts of time and money to get a complete set of the Ranma 1/2 manga and yet still felt themselves somehow worthy to breathe the same air as those of us that did, and even dared to comment in debates between their superiors, Blade and Epsilon, in their infinite generosity, acted. Here, then, is a complete synopsis of the entire Ranma 1/2 manga, from beginning to end. Covering every important fact that anybody should need to know, this is the definitive guide to Ranma 1/2 for the rest of you. Read it, take its wisdom to heart, and learn.

• Character Analysis: Keiko Sonoda
  If there is one thing Blade is good at, it's ranting on endlessly and pointlessly about his latest and most obscure favorite character until he's blue in the face and you have started to fantasize about other things (such as stuffing a sock in his mouth).

  And parcheesi. He's very good at parcheesi.

  Mostly because that allows him a forum to rant on endlessly and pointlessly about...well you get the picture.

  However, since you can't experience this first hand, we present the next best thing: an essay written about Keiko Sonoda (of Revolutionary Girl Utena, and if you have to ask who this character is you shouldn't really be reading this essay). Please, feel free to e-mail him and argue about the conclusions he draws in it. (EVIL GRIN)

• A Concise, Unbiased Analysis Of Tenchi Muyo OAV 3, or, "Noike Is The Goddamn Antichrist. No, Seriously".
  You know, it's funny. Blade has two Tenchi characters on The List. Tenchi characters are in Hybrid Theory. We actually have a really good Tenchi Muyo gallery on this site.

  This might give some people the impression that we do not, in fact, actually hate Tenchi Muyo for being an insipid, contradictory, badly-written piece of dreck which helpled spawn the unholy terror of the "harem comedy" genre which almost singlehandedly killed most of our interest in anime for years. Let me assure you we do. Tenchi Muyo is garbage. No, seriously, it is. Except for the manga.

  But you know who else hates Tenchi Muyo? The people who made OAV3. They hate Tenchi wayyyyyy more than we do. They hate it so much that the product of their hate somehow became a transcendant piece of shit that made the rest of Tenchi look great. And so, their hate, which produced OAV3, caused our hate to produce this. Enjoy!

Nifty Filk Songs

• Ukyou Poster
  Really longtime Net anime fans may recall that, in ages past, there was once a flourishing online church to Ukyou Kuonji, with Blade as High Priest. This church had great power. With but a single e-mail to the masses of faithful, Ukyou could be absolutely assured of winning any single popularity poll, including such polls as "Who is your favourite classical musician?". Ah, those were the days...but anyway, this little ditty is a relic of that time. If you get all the in-jokes, consider yourself a real Ukyou fan. If you don't get any, then you're probably too normal to be one of us anyway.

• Mark's $2000 A-V
  Hey kids! It's time to play Tease the Troll! You kids know what a TROLL is don't you?

  (Kids scream, maybe in agreement, maybe for reasons best not thought about)

  That's right! Now I want you to meet a good old-fashioned USENET troll named Mark David, also known as "The Spuergenius". Yes, "Spuergenius". Mark used to insist that EVERYONE on rec.arts.anime.misc (except himself, of course) were sub-par anime fans! His reasoning? We weren't RICH! That's right, only the rich who can afford Laserdiscs instead of VHS, not to mention the machine to play them on AND the hi-definition audio-visual home theatre system that let you actually -notice- the difference between them and VHS were -true- anime fans! And, of course, there was no excuse not to have them, for ANYONE could get a hi-definition audio-visual home theatre system, even on a MacDonalds salary! Say hello to Mark, boys and girls!

  (more screams)

  Now if you've been reading -any- of this website, you know how we respond to insufferably superior people whose over-inflated egos cause them to try and force their opinions and habits on others, right? Of course! We mock and deride them! Only WE are allowed to force our insufferably superior opinions and habits on others! So back in the day Epsilon wrote up a little mocking ditty to the tune of Weird Al's "Frank's 2000' TV". Read it if you dare! Just listen to the last batch of kids who did so:

  (more screams)