Welcome.  We're glad you've decided to stay around this long.  As
you probably already know, this is the third and (for now) final story
in the Ran Wars trilogy.  This will resolve many-but not all-of the
story threads presented in the first two episodes.  We hope you find
it entertaining, if maybe a trifle more serious than the last two.
     Okay, let's get ready.  Strap yourself in, grab the popcorn, boil
some water and feed the pig.   "May the Force equal gravity x mass."

(The scene opens with space, as we watch the RAN WARS logo fly onto
the screen in the usual way.  It fades into the distance, and is
replaced by text which scrolls diagonally up into the screen)

                             Episode -8/0
                     Return of the Videocassette

It is a mere seven months since the disastrous Battle of Hoth.  And
the rebels...have all DIED!  Ohohohohoho!  Huh?  No! Get away!
(sounds of combat) Sorry about that.  Kodachi grabbed the
teleprompter. *ahem* ...and the rebels have fled to the far corners of
the galaxy.  After the death of the Dark Jedi Kunou, the Imperial
civil war seems to be drawing to a close, with Kodachi's forces on the
run.  Now, with relative stability in the Empire, a second version of
the dreaded Happoudaikarin is being built near the moon of Endor.
Meanwhile, Ranma Skywalker, having discovered that the gangster known
only as Hutt is living on his homeworld of Tokyo, has journeyed
there...with some "persuasion" from Akane...to save Ryouga Solo...


(The words disappear and the scene pans to the right.  We see a lush
green moon, orbiting around a large, unremarkable planet.  Several
arrowhead-shaped Star Destroyers skim across the atmosphere and slowly
fly into the sunrise.  The beautiful golden-red colour of the
magnificent space dawn glints off the dull grey metal of the Imperial
juggernauts.  The glare from the sun dies out, and another object
comes into view.  It is a gigantic sphere, nearly a sixth as big as
the moonlet it orbits.  The sphere is only covered by a dark brown
hull across one quarter of its upper portion.  The rest is a
nightmarish collection of skeletal superstructure interspersed with
multi-coloured flares and flashes of light.  Squatish tugs haul
various large objects and containers around while dark, predatory TIE
fighters and interceptors swoop around in careful orbits.  The scene
changes to a tri-winged, fish-like shuttle flying into a docking bay.
The ship lands on a hangar floor, at the head of a gigantic guard of
Imperial stormtroopers.  The troopers halt and form ranks to either
side of a red carpet that extends from a set of pneumatic doors to the
edge of the slowly descending ramp.  A lone figure in a crisp and
proper admiral's uniform strides forward.  As soon as he reaches the
end of the carpet, he snaps to attention and watches as a large
creature shambles down the ramp.  It is a panda, in bits and pieces of
black armour, with a mask over its mouth which connects to a large
screen positioned above and behind his head.)

Harkov: Welcome, Lord Saotome, welcome to the second Happoudaikarin.

Saotome(printout on screen): {Dispense with the formalities, my
friend.} (clears screen) {How goes the construction?}

Harkov: Ahead of schedule.  And what about the Emperor's...presence?

Saotome: (growls/chuckles) {The first shipment of our dear
Emperor's...treasures will arrive today.} (clears screen) {All
successive shipments will also be to here.}

Harkov: _That_ should bring him running.  (smiles)

Saotome: {Hai.} (clears screen) {Now that that's over with, I have an
important question.}

Harkov: Oh?

Saotome: {What do we have to _eat_ on this junk pile?}
(Switch scenes to a seemingly endless expanse of parched yellow
desert.  Two figures trudge slowly across the landscape.  One is a man
in a long white robe and blue pants, with long black hair and
pop-bottle glasses.  His companion is a droid, built to resemble an
attractive human female in a metallic version of a okonomiyaki chef's
outfit.  One arm has a large spatula housed on it which extends to
just beyond her fist.  She has a bored look on her face, while he
looks disgruntled.)

Mousse(to a large rock): I don't remember it being this _hot_ last
time we were here, Ukyou.

Ukyou: I'm over here, Mousse.  (he turns to face her) That's because
you were a droid last time we were here, Mousse, and droids don't feel
heat.

Mousse: Oh yeah, I forgot.
(Ukyou shakes her head as they round a large outcropping.   A large,
domed building situated at the top of a high black cliff comes into
view.  The red sun of Tokyo lies behind it, silhouetting the structure
and its three conical towers.  Each tower is topped by a large,
tri-barrelled turbolaser turret, and a sensor dish is perched on the
apex of the central dome.  Ukyou smiles.)

Ukyou: Well, we're almost there so you can stop complaining.

Mousse: Huh?  How can you tell?

Ukyou: (points at the structure) Hutt's palace is right there.  
(Mousse turns in surprise to look at right angles to the building,
giving him an excellent view of...nothing.)

Mousse: Where?  Uh...Ukyou, there's nothing there.
(She grabs him by the head and turns him to face the building, then
touches his glasses.  They turn several different shades of colour
before settling back on white.)

Mousse: Oh...I can see it now.  Why is it a giant turtle?

Ukyou: (sighs) Because Hutt's weird.  Remember to adjust your focusers
every now and then, Mousse.

Mousse: (as they walk to the cliff face)   Hai, I know where it is.
(pauses) Do you remember the plan?

Ukyou: Of course.  It is _my_ plan, after all.

Mousse: (nods) Good...could you remind me again?
(Cut to the two of them standing at the bottom of the high, steep
cliff.  Ukyou and Mousse are staring up at it, shielding their eyes
(or equivalents) with their hands.)

Ukyou: (whistles) Hard climb.

Mousse(sneers): Do not worry.  (jumps back into a dramatic stance) No
mere cliff is a match for Mousse!

Ukyou: Huh?  (turns to him) No...wait, I...

Mousse: I will scale this obstacle to help my friend!  
(He leaps into the air, tossing a grappling hook from the sleeves of
his robe.)

Ukyou: Mousse!  Wait, I saw...
(The hook clamps into the side of the cliff, about a dozen feet up.)

Mousse: Watch as I easily traverse this obstacle!
(He pulls himself to the cliff and begins the vigourous climb.)

Ukyou: No, there's a...Mousse!
(Mousse either doesn't hear or ignores her as he scrambles wildly up
the cliff.  Ukyou sighs.)

Ukyou: Never mind.
(She walks four feet or so to where a door is positioned in the rock
face.  Pushing a button, she waits for the door to open and then steps
into the turbolift.  Cut to the top as Mousse pulls himself over the
side of the cliff with a groan.  He lays down, staring up at the sky
while breathing in harsh gasps.)

Ukyou: (standing over him) What took you so long?

Mousse: Huh?  (gasps) Ukyou?  How'd you get up here so quickly?  (sits
up) I didn't see you pass me on the way up.

Ukyou: Let's just say...I followed my instincts.

Mousse: Oh...I understand.  Your droid body is superior to my human
one.
(A look of pain crosses Ukyou's face.)

Ukyou(softly): In some ways... (pulls him up) C'mon, let's go.

Mousse: Hai.
(They walk over to the large domed structure, stopping at a giant door
built of rust-covered metal.  Hanging on it is a crudely lettered
sign.)

Sign: No trespassers on any grounds.
(Ukyou pushes Mousse forward.)

Ukyou(hisses): Remember the plan.
(Mousse nods and strides boldly to the door.  He raps sharply on the
metal and stands back.  After a moment, a hole opens in the door and
an orb on a metal stalk pops out.  It scrutinizes them for a second,
then begins to jabber in an incomprehensible language.)

Mousse: Huh?
(The orb blathers in a different incomprehensible language.)

Mousse: Do you speak Basic?

Orb(pauses; reluctantly): Yeeessss...but I would prefer a nice,
incomprehensible language.  Do you know any?

Mousse: (shakes head) None that I can comprehend.

Orb: (sighs) Fine.  What do you want?

Mousse: (puffs himself up proudly) I come with a message of gravest
import for the almighty Hutt!

Orb: Who?

Mousse: (blinks) Hutt, the master of this palace.

Orb: This isn't Hutt's palace, this is Yamamoto's desert retreat.
Hutt's palace is about thirty kilometres west of here, at the edge of
the dune sea.

Mousse(obviously confused): It is?

Orb: (nods) Just head west.  You can't miss it.
(It is now night.  Ukyou and Mousse are walking through a valley of
loosely piled rocks and boulders.  Before them we see an elaborate,
pagoda-style structure at the edge of a seemingly endless expanse of
sand which glitters under the light of the two moons.  Ukyou is
grumbling.)

Ukyou: FOUR!  Four palaces so far!  For a deserted desert planet, this
place sure has a lot of people on it.

Mousse: I just hope this is it.  I'm getting sick of saying "I am here
with a message of gravest import for the almighty Hutt" and being told
politely that he isn't there.

Ukyou: It had better be.
(They come to the door, a much more delicate-looking-if no less
massive-structure than the first one.  On it is another sign, this one
easily readable.)

Sign: No money, no goods, no entrance.
(Mousse walks up to the door and pounds on it noisily.  After a
moment, a nasal, high-pitched voice emanates from it.)

Voice: Do ya have to be so loud?

Mousse: (clears throat) I have a message of gravest import for the
almighty Hutt!

Voice: So?  The Hutt's a very busy person, and doesn't have time for
messages of only "gravest import".

Mousse: Uh...you mean Hutt's here?

Voice: Of course.  Where else would Hutt be?

Ukyou: Tell Hutt we bear a gift.

Voice: A gift?  Well why didn't you say so!  Come on in!
(The massive gate opens, and a hallway is revealed to be on the other
side.  Ukyou walks inside, then glances back at Mousse, who is tapping
his foot.)

Mousse: I'm waiting.  Are you going to let us in or not?
(Ukyou shakes her head, reaches out, and drags Mousse into the tunnel.
Mousse "oh's" and they look around.  No one is there, and having
nothing better to do, they start down the hall.  Soon they come to a
set of shallow stairs.  At the bottom is a room where a karaoke stage
is set up.  In the back, several aliens play musical accompaniment as
a human man warbles out the lyrics to "Little Date".  Along the left
hand wall is a series of steps, platforms and chairs where a variety
of beings-reptilian, avian, droid, Ithorian, Gamorrean, Lum, and even
some arachnids-sit.  The centre of the room is almost completely
cleared, except for three extremely shallow circular blue pits in
which three women in metal bikinis dance.  One is a blue-haired woman
with cat-like fur, another has feathers for hair, and the third is a
medium-statured girl with short brown hair.  The latter dancer turns
and stares intently at the two newcomers.  Finally the view is drawn
to the right hand wall, which is shorter than the other one.  In the
centre of it a large, slug-like creature with stubby arms.  Arrayed
around it are about a dozen bounty hunters.  Most wear complex armour,
with small arsenals strapped to their bodies.  We centre in on one in
particular, a female with a helmet like a Chinese straw hat which has
a demonic visor.  Brownish hair, with a bow in it, falls out behind
the helmet.  Across from this one is another female, this one with an
uncovered face and long, luxurious purple hair.  The three dancers
clear the floor, the brown-haired one going to a position near the
slug and the other two sitting yoga-style on the stage.  The man stops
warbling after a Gamorrean gives him some "persuasion" with the flat
of its axe, and the room falls silent.  Mousse and Ukyou walk to stand
before the slug.  It blathers, and one of the bounty hunters-a large,
skeletal droid-steps forward and translates in a halting, emotionless
tone.  The brown-haired dancer leans back and watches with interest.)

Slug(translated by droid): I am the Hutt.  What do you want?
(Mousse steps forward to answer, then notices the purple-haired bounty
hunter.  His eyes widen, and an expression of bliss crosses his face.
Ukyou groans.)

Mousse: SHAMPOO!  (he runs up and glomps...the droid, who looks
surprised) My darling Shampoo!  I've finally found you again!

Droid: Excuse me...
(Shampoo looks shocked.  Hutt blathers.)

Hutt(droid translates): What is the meaning of this?

Mousse: (steps back) You're not Shampoo!  Where is she?  What have you
done to her?!?

Shampoo(confused): M-Mousse?

Mousse: Shampoo?  (looks at her and adjusts his glasses) It _is_ you!
(glomp)

Shampoo: AIYA!  Get off Shampoo!
(She slams him to the ground.  The brown-haired dancer blinks; Ukyou
mutters something impolite under her breath.  Mousse starts to get
up.)

Mousse: Shampoo, it's me!  Your darling Mousse!

Shampoo: But you droid, but you man now, but you droid  fore, and man
fore, and... (clutches her skull) Shampoo's head hurt...

Hutt(translated): What is the meaning of this, Shampoo?

Shampoo: Shampoo no know!  She confused...

Mousse: No that I am human again, I can comfort you in this hour of
need!  (glomp again)

Shampoo: You go too far!  Shampoo save self for Ranma!
(As she reduces him to a pile of putty, Ukyou steps forward.)

Ukyou: I can deliver the message.
(The brown-haired dancer's eyes narrow, and she nods almost
imperceptibly.)

Hutt(translated): Speak.

Ukyou: The message is holographic.

Hutt(translated): Then play it.
(Ukyou nods, and her eyes go distant for a moment.  Then they light up
and a holographic image forms a few feet in front of her.  It is a
life size, blue-tinged image of a boy in his late teens.  He is
wearing a red tunic and dark pants, and has black hair tied back in a
bobbed ponytail.  He has a handsome face, and a small cylinder is
belted to his waist.  Shampoo stops in mid-blow with a cry of
pleasure.)

Shampoo: Is Ranma!  Husband send Shampoo boss message!  Maybe ask for
Shampoo be freed debt!

Mousse: Sh-sh-shampoo...

Shampoo: Quiet Mousse!  (pound again)

Ranma-hologram: Greetings to you, Hutt.  I am Ranma Skywalker, Jedi
Ninja.  (an amused guffaw goes around the room) I have sent this
message for one reason... (dramatic pause; smiles) ...to wish you a
successful career.  Well, bye...
(A hand shoots into the hologram and hits him on the back of the
head.)

Voice: Baka!  Give the _real_ reason!

Ranma-h: Alright already!  Actually, I've sent this to barter for the
release of one Ryouga Solo.  Though I don't know why... (the hand hits
him again; he glares at its source) Anyway...I am willing to offer
this valuable one-of-a-kind droid in exchange for Solo's freedom.  I
suggest you take this offer, or I'll have to give up...(he is hit
again)...uh, I mean, be forced to destroy you.
(The message ends, and Ranma blinks out.  Ukyou returns to normal.
The dancer smiles and shakes her head.  Hutt laughs.)

Hutt(translation) I don't think so.  (gestures at one of the exits; it
lights up and we see it is not a door, but an alcove which houses
Ryouga, frozen in carbonite) Solo is too useful to me as an object
lesson to give up for one droid, which I can simply take anyway.  (the
brown-haired dancer frowns but does nothing else) Shampoo!  Escort the
man to a cell while F6-G6 takes the droid to be processed.

Ukyou: You'll regret this, Hutt.
(Hutt laughs as they are dragged away.  The brown-haired girl looks
thoughtful.  We see a small, dank room.  Droids of all sizes and
descriptions walk about or lie idle in pens.  Pig-like Gamorreans
stand on guard throughout the room, while a skeletal, modified medical
droid hovers behind the desk.  As we watch, the translator droid walks
in, leading a grumbling Ukyou.  They walk over to the desk.)

Register droid(halting, mechanical tone): Ahh, FG-6G, what brings you
here?

FG-6G: I've brought a new droid for you.

R-Droid: Excellent.  (turns to Ukyou) I assume you are the new droid?

Ukyou(irritated): Hai.

R-droid: What is your model number and function?

Ukyou: I'm an Okono D2, personal companion and chef droid.

R-droid: A chef droid?  (pauses; clicking sounds can be heard) I think
I have a position for you on the master's sail barge.  (turns to
FG-6G) Take her in back and fit her with a restraining bolt.

Ukyou: I don't take well to restraining bolts.

FG-6G: So?  Come along.
(The droid grabs Ukyou and roughly jerks her around the desk.  The
register droid turns to look at a new arrival, when suddenly there is
a loud crash.  It spins around and we see FG-6G lying in several
pieces on the floor while Ukyou calmly polishes her spatula.)

Ukyou: I _told_ you I don't take well to restraining bolts.
(Yes, that was pointless filler.  Now to a more serious-yeah, right;
okay, more plot enhancing-scene.  We see Hutt's audience chamber, same
as before.  The three dancers are again in the pits as the slug
watches.  Shampoo is idly flipping a bonbori while a new translating
droid stands nearby.  Presently, a not-too-distant explosion startles
the group.  They all watch the main entrance as the sounds of combat
gradually draw closer.  Shampoo instantly leaps to her feet, as the
three dancers scurry over to the slug.  After a moment, a pig-faced
guard stumbles down the stairs and flops to the ground.  Not long
after, a bounty hunter in all-concealing body armour walks in, leading
a boy on a leash.  The boy is tall, with short blue-black hair and a
handsome, if dirtied, face.  He is wearing a blue, sleeveless tunic
and baggy white pants, and also sports a pair of tight metal bracers
on his forearms.  He glares at everyone indiscriminately while the
bounty hunter strides up to the slug.)

Hutt(translated): What is the meaning of this?

Bounty hunter(distorted voice): I have come to collect the bounty on
this one.

Hutt(pauses; translated): So you have brought us the mighty Tarou...
(the brown-haired dancer nods slowly) ...excellent, then I will give
you 10 000...

Bounty hunter: The posted bounty is 30 000.

Hutt(translated): And why should I pay that much, hmm?  

Bounty hunter(firmly): Because I have _this_!  (pulls out a
softball-sized sphere)

Shampoo: AIYA!  Is thermal detonator!

Bounty hunter: Care to renegotiate?
(She touches a button on the sphere, causing a red light to flash.
The brown-haired girl laughs.)

Hutt(translated): Not really, since you just de-powered the detonator
and it'll take several hours to recharge it.

Bounty hunter: Oops.

Tarou: (rolls his eyes; mutters) Oops.  Of all the...

Hutt(laughs; translated): No, for your effrontery I... 
(The brown-haired girl absently touches the slug's tail.  It stiffens
and begins talking slowly.)

Hutt(translated): ...have decided to give you 15 000 for him.

Bounty hunter: That's... (lamely) great...

Hutt(translated): Take him away.
(Shampoo and the demon-faced guard walk over.  Tarou growls at the
demon-faced guard, who back off nervously.  The dancer looks at the
slug and clears her throat.)

Hutt(translated): And don't let him near water.
(Tarou is taken away, leaving the bounty hunter alone.  He heads off
to one side, the dancers return to their pits, and everything returns
to normal.  The scene shifts to the same room, now late at night.  It
is deserted and the lights dimmed so that shadows cover the entire
room.  A door in the side wall silently opens and the bounty hunter
that captured Tarou sneaks in.  He slowly closes the door and looks
around.  Then he darts to a shadowy corner, scampers silently to the
far wall, and finally scurries over to the alcove where the carbonite
block housing Ryouga Solo is kept.  He steps to the side of it and
examines a control panel built into the carbonite housing.)

Bounty hunter(mutters): Now how does this work?  (pauses) Ah, I think
this is it.
(He pulls a switch.  Immediately, there is a sharp hiss and the
carbonite housing crashes to the floor with a resounding thud, then
falls back to lean against the wall with a thunderous clang.  The
bounty hunter leaps back and pulls his arms up to his face...er, mask
in a strangely effeminate gesture.)

Bounty hunter: Hope nobody heard it...
(After a moment of looking around nervously, the bounty hunter decides
it's safe and turns back to the panel.  He flips a toggle and pushes a
slider all the way up.  A green light that was continually shining
begins to strobe rapidly.  He steps back, as a low, hissing whistle
starts.  Then a red dot appears on Ryouga's frozen visage and rapidly
expands, covering his face and spreading through the block.  After a
moment, the whistle stops along with the red energy, and a boy is
revealed to be inside a body-conforming cavity within the carbonite.
He is ruggedly good-looking, with unruly black hair held up by a black
and yellow bandanna.  He wears a yellow tunic and green pants
cross-gartered at the shin.  The boy takes a deep breath and stumbles
forward into the steadying arms of the bounty hunter.  He has his eyes
tightly closed, and is shaking and trying to catch his breath.)

Bounty hunter: Relax, the disorientation will pass.  You have
hibernation sickness.

Ryouga: I...I'm free?  (shudders and opens his eyes; they are
unfocused) I can't see!

Bounty hunter: The blindness is another effect of hibernation
sickness.  It too will pass with time.

Ryouga: That's good... (reaches and touches the bounty hunter's face
mask) W-who are you?
(The bounty hunter gently removes the hand, then reaches to the back
of his neck.  There is a hiss of escaping steam and the bounty hunter
removes the helmet to reveal that he...is a she.  A cute-if somewhat
boyish-looking girl, with short black hair done up in two donut-like
curls.  She smiles.)

Akane: A friend.

Ryouga(shocked): AKANE!!!

Akane: Shh.  (looks around) We're still in Hutt's palace.

Ryouga: You...you came to rescue me?

Akane: Of course I came to rescue you silly, I...I owe you for that
rescue on the Happoudaikarin.

Ryouga(dreamily): Akane came to rescue me...I can die happy...

Akane: Well you just might if we don't get out of h...

Ryouga: Akane?

Akane: Hai? (looks around)
(Ryouga puts his hands on her shoulders and turns her to face him.)

Ryouga: Akane...do you remember...my...my...

Akane: Ryouga, I... (softly) do remember...

Ryouga: Then I have to know...do you...do you...

Akane: (turns away) I...don't know.  (looks down) Forgive me.

Ryouga: (pauses) There's nothing to forgive.  I understand.

Voice: How touching.

Akane: (looks up sharply) Who?
(The brown-haired dancer steps out of the shadows.  She is wearing a
loose robe over her dancing outfit, and stands with arms crossed.)

Ryouga: Who is it, Akane?

Dancer: Your only hope of getting out of here alive.

Akane: What are you talking about?

Dancer: I've come to offer you a deal.  (smiles evilly) One you simply
can't refuse.

Akane: Oh?  And what could you offer us?  You're just a...decoration.

Dancer: Looks can be deceiving, as you ought to know.

Ryouga: What do you mean?

Dancer: _I_ am the Hutt.

Akane: (blinks) You can't be serious.

Real Hutt: As serious as a blaster rifle.

Akane: But I saw you...

R.Hutt: I really don't have time to go over my entire life story.
Let's just say that the concept of equal rights hasn't occurred to
smugglers yet.  Besides, the slug's a great way of diverting attention
from the real brains.

Ryouga: You don't expect us to believe that, do you?

R.Hutt: (shrugs) What you believe is up to you, but it won't change
the truth.

Akane: Okay, let's assume you are the real Hutt.  What do you want?

R.Hutt: (distant look) I'm getting sick of the facade.  I need a way
to...reorganize the power structure around here.  That's why I wanted
Solo.  I knew it would bring his rebel friends running.

Ryouga: You mean...I was just bait?

R.Hutt: Oh, don't let that get you down.  It's only business.  Anyway,
I want you to help me.  I need somebody to knock off the slug and get
me an audience with the rebel council.

Akane: And what do _we_ get out of this?

R.Hutt: Your lives, for starters.  However, I also have some very
valuable information.  Besides, having the smugglers on your side
would really help the Rebellion.

Akane: (long pause) Nice try, but we don't deal with scum.

Ryouga: You tell her, Akane.

R.Hutt: (shrugs) Just remember the offer's on the table.
(There is a low, blubbering chuckle from behind the two rebels.  They
turn to face it.)

Ryouga: What's that?

Akane: It's... (looks back at the dancer, who has disappeared) ...a
trap.
(A curtain, previously invisible in the shadows, slides apart to
reveal the slug-like Hutt(?) And his entourage of bounty hunters.
Shampoo steps forward and levels her stun gun at the duo.)

Shampoo: No see long time.

Hutt?(translated in subtitles): Well, well.  Is my little bird trying
to leave his cage?  (laughs)

Ryouga: Hutt!  (thin smile) Hey listen, I'm just...you know...

Hutt?(subtitles): Don't even bother, Solo.  Your fate is already
sealed.

Ryouga: Wait!  Do whatever you want with me, but let the girl go!

Hutt?(laughs; subtitles): You are a gallant fool, Solo.  (looks at
Akane; licks its lips) I think I may keep her around for a while.  She
is...interesting.

Ryouga: NO!  I won't let you!  
(He steps forward threateningly.  Shampoo pulls out her bonbori and
makes as if to attack.)

Akane: Ryouga!  Watch out!

Ryouga: (looks around) Where?

Shampoo: Aiya!  (tosses a bonbori which catches him in the chest) Now
go down!  (leaps)

Ryouga: (buckled over) Why you... (looks up) YAA!
(He rolls to the side as Shampoo dropkicks, tearing apart a large
portion of the stone floor.)

Shampoo: How you dodge?  You more blind than Mousse!

Ryouga: I...don't know...

Shampoo: No matter, Shampoo still beat you!
(She picks up her fallen bonbori and charges, swinging them in wide
arcs.  Ryouga somehow dodges the first lunge, but isn't lucky again as
her second swing catches him on the head.  He rocks back, dazed, and
Shampoo launches a grappling hook from her forearm which wraps around
him.  She pulls the line taut, yanking Ryouga off his feet.  He cries
out as he hits the floor.  Hutt(?) laughs evilly.)

Shampoo: Hmph.  You real stupid fight when blind.

Hutt?(subtitles): Very entertaining, Solo.  Perhaps I will keep you
alive a little longer.  (pauses) Take him away, Shampoo.
(Shampoo begins to drag the tied-up Ryouga off.)

Ryouga: (straining) Akane!

Akane: Ryouga!  
(She takes a step towards him.  Two other bounty hunters step forward
and restrain her.  The slug beckons, and she is brought over to him.
She looks disgusted as it licks its lips.)

Hutt?(subtitles): And now, you are mine.
(In a dark corner on the other side of the room, the brown-haired
dancer smiles.  The scene switches to a dim cell.  The door slides
open and Shampoo shoves Ryouga in.  It slides closed and Ryouga stares
about, apparently still blind.)

Voice: Solo-kun?

Ryouga: T-tarou?
(Tarou steps out of the shadows, a big smile on his face.  He clasps
Ryouga's hand.)

Tarou: Solo-kun!  It is you!

Ryouga: Tarou!  Good to...uh...hear you again.
(Mousse steps out of the shadows, looking somewhat relieved.)

Mousse: Good day, Ryouga.

Ryouga: Who...

Tarou: That's just Mousse.

Ryouga: Mousse?  But isn't Mousse...I mean, he sounds...almost human.

Tarou: He is human.

Ryouga: Huh?

Tarou: Remember Cloud City?  Well, Mousse got back in his human body.

Ryouga: Wow.  (stops) And Ukyou?  She would have too!  That means that
she and... (Tarou clears his throat) What?

Tarou(solemn): Ukyou's human body was killed.

Ryouga: (long pause) Oh, man.  That's sad...

Mousse: Hai, Ukyou would agree with you.

Ryouga: (sits down with a sigh) Well, it doesn't matter anyway.  We're
all doomed.  (looks up at the ceiling) Doomed!  There's no hope.

Tarou: Don't get so down.  I'm sure she's reasonable.

Ryouga: (starts) She?

Tarou: Oh yeah, you wouldn't know.  The real brains here is a girl
that poses as a dancer.

Ryouga(pauses; quietly): How do you know that?

Tarou: (shrugs) It was obvious, the way she acted in that meeting
room. (smiles) It certainly wasn't like a dancer, and that slug...if
she had said "jump", he would have said "how high?"

Ryouga: So it is true...

Mousse: What?

Ryouga: She told us-me and Akane-that this was all a trap.  (clenches
his teeth) That I was just bait to lure you all here.

Mousse: But why would she do that?

Ryouga: (sighs) The Empire, most likely.

Tarou: I'm not so sure... (frowns) Either way, we have help coming.

Ryouga: Help?

Tarou: Hai, Ranma will come soon.

Ryouga: Ranma?  (sneers) That idiot couldn't save a dollar, much less
us.

Tarou: Don't be so sure.  Ranma's a Jedi Ninja now.

Ryouga(disbelief): A Jedi?!?  Yeah, right.  That guy has about as much
chance of becoming a Jedi as I do.
(Tarou remains silent.  The scene changes again, this time to a
better-lit room.  It is oval-shaped, with tiny spheres evenly spaced
along the ceiling which give off a soft yellow light.  A rack covered
with various feminine clothes covers one wall, and a large makeup
table and wall-length mirror the other.  A door at the far end opens,
and Akane is shoved in by two pig-like Gamorreans.  She spins around,
still in her armour, but is too late as the door closes.)

Akane: Hey!  What the heck do you expect me to do here?  Those
barbarians...

Voice(from behind her): Get dressed.
(Akane whirls, to see the brown-haired dancer sitting at the makeup
table, applying mascara.)

Akane: You!  (pauses) What do you mean?

R.Hutt: You asked what they wanted you to do.  I answered.  Get
dressed.

Akane: (puts her fists on her hips) In what?
(The dancer points at a metal bikini much like her own on the rack.)

R.Hutt: In that.

Akane: You've got to be kidding.  I'm not wearing that!

R.Hutt: (shrugs) You could always dance naked...you _can_ dance, can't
you?

Akane(defensively): I'm a great dancer... (pauses; angry) Wait a
second!  I'm not dancing for that...that slug!
(The brown-haired dancer smiles and puts down her mascara.  She
swivels her chair to face Akane.)

R.Hutt: Really?  Does that mean you're ready to deal now?

Akane: I told you, I don't deal with slimeballs.

R.Hutt(mock pain): I'm hurt, deeply hurt.  You don't know how much
being called a slimeball by a traitorous outlaw pains me.

Akane: Hey!  The rebellion is not traitorous!

R.Hutt: (turns back to the mirror) If you say so.

Akane: My father leads the rebellion and...
(A pained expression appears briefly on the dancer's face, but then it
is gone.)

Akane: What is it?

R.Hutt(softly): Nothing.

Akane: You can tell me.

R.Hutt(irritated): It's nothing.

Akane: Please, I can help...

R.Hutt: (whirls on Akane in rage) I said it's NOTHING!  (Akane backs
away; more normal tone)  It's just that... (softly) I never knew my
father.  (turns away)

Akane: What?

R.Hutt: When I was young...barely four...my...mother and I were on a
ship bound for... (hitch) ...for Nerima.  And... (pauses) ...the old
Hutt captured the ship.  I was to become a slave, and my mother...my
mother...(sob)

Akane(sympathetically): You poor thing...

R.Hutt: (smiles evilly, but Akane can't see) I was determined not to
end up like her.  So I worked (straightens) and worked and took over
Hutt's entire organization before he even knew what was happening.
And with Shampoo's help, I ensure that he would obey _me_! (fiercely)
And now I can finally kill him for what he did... (she turns to Akane;
expression carefully modelled to be both sad and hateful) Now do you
understand?

Akane: H-h-hai...but...I can't deal with you...

R.Hutt(icy): Then you will die.  (turns away)
(The scene shifts to the door of Hutt's palace, as seen from the
inside.  A service droid is carefully welding a plate of steel over a
blasted potion of it.  It putters around lazily, squawking to itself
in binary code.  Then a resounding thud comes from the plate.  The
droid looks up in surprise, and a second thud sounds.  The plate
squeals for a moment, then falls onto the droid, crushing it.  A boy
stands revealed in the circular opening.  He has a loose brown robe
on, which is covering a grey tunic and black pants.  He looks down at
his hand, which is in mid-knock, and we see his face.  It is the boy
from the hologram.  He looks down at the fallen sheet, then back at
his hand, then shrugs and steps through the hole and starts down the
hall.  After about three seconds, an axe-wielding Gamorrean rushes
towards him, but Ranma gestures absently with two fingers and the pig
falls back, clutching his neck.  Soon Ranma has reached the hallway
near the gathering room.  A man with bright white skin and an angular
face runs up.  His most distinguishing feature is a single tentacle
that comes from the back of his head and wraps around his throat.)


Man: Jabba no barter.

Ranma: I must see Hutt.

Man(sternly): No, he mustn't be disturbed.

Ranma: [I'll have to use my manipulation powers...] You will take me
to see Hutt...

Man: No.

Ranma: (straining) You _will_ take me to see Hutt...

Man: You deaf?  I said no.
(Ranma glares, then shrugs and grabs the alien by the throat.)

Ranma(irritated): Listen pal, either take me to see Hutt or I'm going
to rip off that thing growin' out of your head and shove it down your
throat.  Understand?  (the alien nods mutely) Good.
(The now-nervous alien leads Ranma into the room.  Almost everyone is
asleep, the slug included.  Akane, now in a metal bikini like the
other dancers, is dozing near the slug while the brown-haired girl is
leaning against the wall watching Ranma curiously.  Ranma stares at
Akane, who starts up.)

Akane: Huh?  (blinks and sees him; excited) Ranma!

Ranma: Yo Akane, nice outfit.  (waves)

Akane: Hey!

Ranma: Not that it looks good on a tomboy like...
(Akane leaps up and slugs him.)

Akane: You hentai!  (Hutt[?] starts as Ranma staggers back) And to
think I thought you were here to rescue me.  Hmph!  (turns away)

Ranma: Geez.  What a violent...
(Akane makes as if to attack him again and he jumps away.  Meanwhile,
Shampoo has also woken up.)

Shampoo: RANMA!

Ranma: What the...

Shampoo: NIHAO!  (glomp)

Ranma: Yeeaaagh!  Get off!

Shampoo: Ranma happy to see Shampoo?  (snuggles her head into his
chest)

Ranma: Not you _again_!  Don't you ever give up?

Akane: Well I see _you're_ certainly having fun; now if you don't
mind...

Hutt?(subtitles): What is going on here?

Ranma: (trying vainly to dislodge Shampoo) Hutt?  Good.  I'm Ranma...

Shampoo(softly): Wo ai ni...

Ranma: ...Skywalker, a Jedi (Shampoo snuggles closer) Ninja
and...er...could somebody get her offa me?

Shampoo(surprised): Ranma no want Shampoo?

Ranma: (looks between Shampoo and Akane; sweats) I...that is...not...I
just got business to take care of...

Shampoo: (steps away; Ranma sighs in relief) Shampoo understand...take
on date after business?

Ranma: I-I'll get back to you on that...(mutters) You think after
Khyshak she'd...

Akane: What was that, Ranma?

Ranma: Nothing.  (smiles thinly)

Hutt?(subtitles): This is all well and good, but I must ask what you
are doing in my home!

Ranma: Huh?  Oh yeah.  (clears throat and takes a step forward) I have
come to formally request the release of all of my friends...or else.
(Hutt[?] laughs.  The dancer has come over to Akane, and whispers in
her ear.  Akane frowns, crosses her arms, and shakes her head.
Smiling, the dancer steps away and nods curtly.)

Hutt?(subtitles): I don't think so, boy.  You have made a very foolish
mistake.

Ranma: (steps forward, now on one of the dancer's pits) Oh really?
I'm warning you Hutt, I won't take no for an answer.

Hutt?(laughs; subtitles): Then I will answer you this way, young Jedi.
(moves hand to a lever)

Shampoo(surprise and concern): AIYA!  NO!  Ranma, you on...
(Ranma looks sharply at her as the slug pulls the lever.  Instantly,
the pit under his feet opens up.  Ranma falls in and is dumped into a
cavernous chamber formed out of jagged rock.  A gate closes again, and
a grate appears through which we can see all the creatures of the room
peering.  The slug looks pleased, Akane and Shampoo worried, and the
dancer is smiling evilly.)

Akane: RANMA!  (she gestures towards him helplessly)

Shampoo: Ranma!  Be careful!  Is pit of Doj...aiya!  Is too late!

Ranma: Doj what?
(Suddenly, a deep rumbling erupts from the far side of the room.  He
whirls and watches as a large metal gate begins to slowly retract into
the ceiling.  A shadowy figure, nearly as large as a small house,
ducks under it and steps into the cavern.  It is a man...sort of,
because it is nearly eighteen feet tall with a bloated, pale body
covered in a brownish gi.  Its face is round, with large, bulb-like
eyes and a bald head.  There are large wooden rectangles strung
together on a chain wrapped around its shoulders.  Upon closer
examination, we can identify them as signs.)

Ranma(shocked): A D-dojo destroyer!  (backs away) [Mom used to tell me
about them from the old days on Dojo, but I never...] H-he's huge!

Hutt?(subtitles): Dojo destroyer!  Kill him!
(The destroyer groans an affirmative and casually unwraps the chain
from its neck.  Ranma is still staring in shock as it takes a sign and
begins to swing it around in ever-wider circles.)

Ranma: [How am I supposed to beat _that_?!?]

Destroyer: Wooooh, die!
(It swings the sign around one last time, then releases it, sending it
flying at Ranma.  Ranma "gaahs" and leaps, barely clearing the sign as
it slices into the wall like a dagger.  He lands, but gets no respite
as the dojo destroyer launches another sign.  Ranma rolls away moments
before his perch is crushed by the unusual weapon.  Ranma comes to his
feet just as the dojo destroyer pulls out another sign, swings it over
its head and launches it at him.)

Ranma: [That's it!] (he leaps up, and as the sign cleaves into the
rock, he uses it as a springboard to launch a flying dropkick at the
dojo destroyer which...bounces off harmlessly) [That _isn't_ it!]
(Ranma lands in a crouch and the dojo destroyer looks down at him with
a smile.  Then it takes the ends of its sign chain and begins to swing
it around like a propeller.  Ranma looks up and sees the whirling
chain slowly descending towards him.)

Ranma: [I've only got one chance.  I've never tried this outside a
ship before...but I have more control now.]
(He stands up and glares defiantly at the dojo destroyer.  It
hesitates, but then continues to lower the whirling chain.  When the
chain is less than a foot above his head, Ranma smiles.  He rolls to
the centre of the chain , comes to his feet, and jumps up to clasp it
firmly.)

Ranma: Take this, pal!  HIRYU SHOTEN HA!
(Ranma lowers his feet to the floor and uses them to spin the chain
faster and faster.)

Destroyer: Uh ohhhh...
(The chain is now spinning out of his control, and the signs are
beginning to create a whirlwind.)

Shampoo(happy): Aiya!  Ranma good!
(The chain is now moving so fast it looks like a disc.  Abruptly, the
whirlwind changes into a cyclone which rises from the floor to strike
the dojo destroyer.  With it, it carries the rock and dust from the
cavern floor.  Above, this deluge of dirt suddenly flies from the
grate to coat the entire room.  There is a great deal of coughing and
hacking, then the dust slowly settles and everybody looks back down in
the pit.  The dojo destroyer is tied up in his own sign chain and
vacant-eyed.  Sitting cross-legged on his head is Ranma Skywalker.)

Hutt?(subtitles): How...it's impossible!

Akane: (smirks) Ranma has a knack for doing the impossible.
(Shampoo is dancing around, waving her bonbori like pompoms.)

Shampoo: Ra!  Ra!  Ranma!  Ra Ra Ranma!  Yaa!

Hutt?(mutters; subtitles): Isn't she on my side?  (louder) Bring him
to me, and his friends as well!
(Down in the pit, Ranma is standing on the dojo destroyer's head,
tapping his foot impatiently.)

Ranma: I wonder when they plan on letting me out of here?

Voice: AIYA!
(Shampoo tackles him from behind and forces him to the floor, where
she rolls him over an straddles him in a very unladylike way.)

Shampoo: Ranma is very, very strong man!  You beat dojo  stroyer!
Shampoo so happy!

Ranma: Gaah!  Get offa me!  You're almost as bad as that Kodachi nut!

Shampoo: You silly, Ranma.  Shampoo not nut, is girl.  (she brings her
head up and looks deeply into his eyes) Is very girl, who (softly)
much, much happy to see you okay...
(She closes her eyes and brings her face closer and closer.  Ranma is
sweating _big_ time.)

Ranma: N-n-now, Shampoo!  (looks for escape) Let's not be hasty...

Shampoo(whispers): Wo da airen...
(She comes closer and closer, and...a large rock smashes into Ranma's
face, which Shampoo kisses.  Her eyes snap open and she looks up.
Akane is standing in the grate, wearing an infuriated expression.)

Akane(shouts): If you two are about done down there, we have some
_important_ things to tend to up here!

Shampoo(mutters): Who she think is?  Shampoo almost... (frowns) Come
on, (pulls Ranma up) we go talk with boss.

Ranma: S-sure Shampoo...I love puppies...they're nice...uhhh... (she
drags him out)
(We now see Shampoo leading Ranma up a corridor, with two Gamorrean
guards following.  Ranma looks annoyed, and is rubbing his nose.  Out
of a door come three more guards, leading Mousse, Tarou and Ryouga.
All three have their hands locked behind their backs.)

Mousse: (to a guard) Hello Ranma.  (they continue along)

Ranma: I'm over here, Mousse.

Ryouga: (groans) Oh great, the idiot's here.  That's _just_ what I
needed.

Ranma: Be quiet, piggy.

Tarou: Gentlemen, please.  We have other concerns at the moment.

Ryouga: One good thing about being blind, at least I don't have to see
Ranma's ugly mug.

Shampoo: You take back!
(They enter the meeting room, which is partially cleaned up.)

Mousse: Shampoo!  (glomps Akane as best he can)

Akane: Get off me!

Mousse: Princess?  (steps back)

Ryouga: Akane!  Are you okay?  They didn't hurt you, did they?  (good
thing he's blind, huh?)

Akane: No...not yet, at least.  (looks at the slug and grimaces)

Ryouga: Don't worry!  I'll protect you!

Ranma(sneers): Like you could protect a cockroach, much less Akane.
You can't even find her.

Ryouga: I can so!

Ranma: Yeah?  Prove it.

Ryouga: Uh... (looks about with his unfocused eyes) Maybe later.

Tarou: (shakes his head) Children.  I'm surrounded by children...
(The slug clears his throat and utters a single syllable.)

Subtitles: You are to be executed for your insolence.  (nobody seems
surprised) However, you have especially displeased me, so instead of a
simple disintegration, you will be taken out to the dune sea and
thrown into the almighty plothole, where you will cease to exist
within this timestream.  (everybody stares at the subtitles, then at
the Hutt, then back at the subtitles)

Tarou(amused): That's a very descriptive language, to say all that
with one word.

Ranma: (to Mousse) Remind me again why I'm here?

Akane: To save Ryouga, you baka!

Ranma: (to Tarou) Like I said, remind me again... (Akane slugs him)
(The scene shifts to a view of a sprawling, light brown desert.
Devoid of all life and as endless as time, it defies the mind with its
magnitude, dwarfing our pitiful lives and showing us how truly
powerful nature is.  (ohh, poetic...)  A large, junk-shaped barge with
an elaborately decorated canopy flies over the sea of sand along with
several smaller, speedboat-shaped sand skimmers.  On the back of each
sandskimmer is a nasty looking double-barrelled blaster cannon, and
each carries about half a dozen bounty hunters.  On the lead skimmer,
Ranma, Ryouga, Tarou and Mousse are all gathered in a group, guarded
by Shampoo, the demon-masked bounty hunter and a couple of Gamorreans.
Inside the barge, Akane is looking out a window at the prisoner-laden
skimmer.  She turns around with a sigh and nearly stumbles into a
droid.)

Akane(irritated): Excuse me...huh?

Ukyou(who the droid turns out to be): Excuse yourself, why don't you?
(smiles)

Akane: W-what are you doing here?

Ukyou: (shrugs) What I do best: cooking, and... (brings up her
non-spatula arm so it can be seen through the window) ...other things.
(smiles enigmatically) See you around.  (walks away)

Akane: (frowns in confusion) Now what...

Voice(from behind her): Ready to make that deal now?
(Akane spins, to see the dancer.)

Akane: Don't _do_ that!

R.Hutt: Sorry...well?

Akane: I told you I don't deal with scum.

R.Hutt: (smiles evilly) We'll see...
(Out on the prisoner's skimmer, Ryouga is leaning on the rail.)

Ryouga: This is just...just horrible.

Tarou: We've been in worse.

Ryouga: No we haven't.  And it's all my fault...

Ranma: Got that right.

Ryouga: Shut up!  Your (mocking tone) "Jedi" powers haven't done us
much good either.

Mousse: Gentlemen, please.  We must concentrate on a means of escape.

Shampoo: Ha!  You no escape!  All go in plothole then Ranma and
Shampoo have happy life!

Tarou: (after a short pause) Shampoo?

Shampoo: Hai?

Tarou: You _do_ realize they plan to kill Ranma too.

Shampoo: What you talking?  Shampoo's husband no die.

Mousse: Husband? [Could the Ranma she's talking about be...nah.]
(Moron's are eternal, be they human or droid)
(Presently, they come to a whirlpool-like pit that terminates in a
black hole about ten feet down.  The other skimmers take up a circular
position around the pit while the prisoner's sled hovers over the
centre of it and the sail barge moves to the edge.  A droid appears in
one of the barge's windows.)

Droid: The almighty Hutt wishes you a decent afterlife, and hopes you
will die an honourable death.  Though should any of you care to beg
for mercy, please do so at this time.

Tarou(shouts): You tell that slimy, obnoxious, overgrown piece of dog
shit that we're about as likely to beg for mercy as he is of going on
a diet!

Ranma(mutters): Speak for yourself.  (steps forward; shouts) Hutt!
I'm going to give you one last chance!  Release my friends...or die.
(Inside the barge, the slug laughs and grips Akane's shoulder.)

Hutt?(subtitles): I don't think so.  (louder) Throw them in!
(In a dark corner, a crouched Ukyou is looking out a window.  She
lifts her arm, and a carefully concealed panel in it opens and two
cylinders pop out.  Each has a smaller cylinder inside.  She smiles.
Outside, Ranma steps onto the plank and Shampoo looks confused.  Just
then, the brown-haired dancer steps out of the shadows behind Ukyou
and places a restraining bolt on her back.  Ukyou's eyes widen and
then she is still.  Back outside, Ranma brings his hand up to his
forehead, tosses out a salute and waits expectantly.  After a moment,
he frowns.)

Tarou(mutters): Where is she?  That was the signal...

Ryouga: We're all gonna die...I got you into this...

Tarou(snaps): Quiet, Solo-kun!

Ryouga: Sure, if you say so.  (sighs)
(Meanwhile, Akane is looking out at the prisoner's skimmer.)

Akane: (frowns) Something's wrong...

R.Hutt: (sitting next to her) You can say that again.

Akane: What do you want?

R.Hutt: This is my final offer.  Either give me what I want...or he
dies.

Akane: But you can't...

R.Hutt: (holds up a remote) I hold his fate in my hand.  Agree or...
(Outside, one of the guards gestures menacingly at Ranma, and he takes
another precarious step towards the edge.  He frantically gestures
again.)

Akane: What do you mean?

R.Hutt: And Solo's next.

Akane: Ryouga...Ranma...you bitch!

R.Hutt(pouts): If you're going to be peevish...

Akane: (through clenched teeth) Fine, it's a deal!

R.Hutt: (smiles and leans back) I knew you'd see things my way.  (taps
a button)
(In her dark corner, Ukyou is in the same position as before.
Abruptly there is a click, and the restraining bolt pops off.  She
blinks.)

Ukyou: Huh?  (sees the situation) Oh no...
(Outside, Ranma is forced to take another step and wobbles _very_
precariously.)

Ukyou(shouts): RANCHAN!
(Immediately, the two tubes ignite and send the cylinders inside
hurtling towards the sled like rockets.   Ranma sighs in relief and
steps off the plank, then twists, grabs the edge and springboards back
into the air.  His hands snap out and catch both cylinders.  As he
comes down, he throws the one in his right hand, causing an explosion
which slices one of the bounty hunters off the skimmer and into the
plothole below.  The other guard leaps up to the turret and swings it
towards the group.  As he does this, the demon-masked guard steps up
to him and removes his helmet, revealing a head that is at least three
times larger than is possible and is all green, slimy skin, writhing
tentacles and sharp, needle-like teeth.  The guard cries out in
absolute terror, than stiffens and tumbles over the side and into the
plothole.  Tsubasa pulls off the mask and smiles to himself.)

Tsubasa: I _love_ doing that.
(Ranma rushes over to Ryouga.)

Ranma: Here.  (puts the cylinder in his hand) Take this.

Shampoo(confused): What go on, Ranma?

Mousse: We are initiating an escape, my most fair Shampoo.
(He swings his arm and launches a rope, which wraps around a bounty
hunter on the sail barge, then pulls him off and into the plothole.)

Tarou: Tsubasa, take the cannon and cover us.  Mousse, defend against
the barge.  Ryouga, stay near me, while Ranma takes out those bounty
hunters.

Ranma: (begins deflecting blaster bolts from the other skimmers) I
know my job, Tarou.

Tarou: (turns to Shampoo) Are you with us or against us?

Shampoo: S-Shampoo no know...Shampoo confused...

Tarou: Well just remember: if you're against us, we'll have to kill
you and you'll have to kill Ranma.

Shampoo(shocked): No kill Ranma, love Ranma!

Tarou: Then you're with us, now help me!
(He picks up a spear and tosses it at a skimmer.  It strikes the
repulser engine and the skimmer crashes, taking six bounty hunters
with it.)

Ranma: Nice shot.

Tarou: Thanks.
(Tsubasa, meanwhile, has hopped into the gunner's seat and is strafing
the other skimmers.  Mousse cries out and begins to raze the side of
the barge with chains, ropes, swords, bouquets, aerosol cans, really
ugly dwarves and various other weapontry.  One of the skimmers manages
to get close and Ranma leaps over to it.)

Bounty hunter: (one of the six facing Ranma) Give it up, kid.

Ranma: I don't think so.  (sticks his lightsabre into the middle of
the closely-packed group) MOUKO TAKABISHA SABRE TECHNIQUE!
(The lightsabre blade expands into a sphere of energy that throws the
entire group of bounty hunters of the skimmer and into the plothole.
In the sail barge, the slug is wide-eyed and foaming at the mouth.)

Hutt?(subtitles): What is the meaning of this?!?  Kill them!  Kill
them!
(A door opens behind him and the dancer and Akane walk out.)

R.Hutt(whispers): Here's your chance.  Take this.  (hands her a long
chain)

Akane(looks at it; whispers): What am I supposed to do with this?
(the dancer rolls her eyes and runs her fingers across her neck in the
classic gesture) Oh no.  I'm not a murderer.

R.Hutt(sneers): I should have known you were a wimp.  (takes it) Here,
let me.
(She sneaks up behind the slug, calmly throws the chain around its
neck and cinches it tight.  Akane gasps as the dancer pulls the chain,
her face determined.  The slug gurgles, fighting for air without
success.  Its tongue lolls out of its mouth.  The dancer pulls the
chain even tighter and the slug gurgles out one last word, then closes
its eyes and slumps, dead.  Akane puts her hand to her mouth.)

Akane: Good God...

R.Hutt: (pats hands) If you want something done right...

Akane: (frowns) What was that he said?  Just before he died?

R.Hutt: (shrugs) Nabiki.  That's what my mother used to call...
(notices Akane's awed expression) What?

Akane: Y-you're...NABIKI?!?

Nabiki: Hai... (suspicious) Why do you ask?

Akane: (shakes head) No...it couldn't be...
(Outside, the prisoner's sled is slowly moving closer to the sail
barge.  Ryouga has activated his Brella and has it in shield mode to
protect him from stray fire.  Tarou stands beside him, using a large
sword to hold off two hunters.  Tsubasa continues to strafe with the
double-barrelled laser cannon, while Mousse is still tossing weapontry
at the side of the barge, keeping anybody from setting up gun
emplacements.  Meanwhile, Ranma is leaping from sled to sled slashing
at bounty hunters with his lightsabre.  Shampoo has joined the battle
on Ranma's side, and is using her wrist blaster to cover him.  On the
deck of the barge, Ukyou is battling her way to the rail.)

Mousse: I can't hold out against these people much longer.
(Tarou grunts and with a skilful slash, sends both his opponents into
the plothole.)

Tarou: Tsubasa, can you help him?

Tsubasa: (blasting at a passing sled) Not unless you want those
sandskimmers to swarm us.

Ryouga: This isn't going well, is it?

Tarou: Not exactly as we planned, no.

Ranma: (landing on the sled) I'm nearly worn out...(coughs) Can't use
the Force much longer...

Ryouga: Great.  What else can go wrong?
(At that moment, a blaster bolt cuts past Mousse's defences and sends
him flying.)

Shampoo(strangely concerned): Mousse!

Tarou: You _had_ to ask, didn't you?
(Mousse groans and closes his eyes in pain.  His glasses lie beside
him in pieces.  Ukyou reaches the rail of the barge and sends a
cheering alien flying into the plothole.)

Ukyou: That was my friend you just shot!  (looks over; shouts) Hang
on, guys!
(She vaults over the side, springboards off a skimmer passing below
and lands on the prisoner's sled.  She leans over Mousse.)

Shampoo: How is?

Ukyou: He'll live, but only if we can get him to a treatment centre.

Ranma: (deflects a bolt with his sabre) We need to destroy that barge!

Tarou: Tsubasa!  Forget the skimmers!

Tsubasa: Hai.  
(He swings the turret to attack the barge.  Three skimmers pull up to
the sled and bounty hunters begin to leap over.  Ranma, Shampoo and
Tarou turn to face them, but they are outnumbered and things look
bleak.)

Ukyou: Tarou!  Catch!
(She snaps out her arm, and a tiny canister shoots from it towards
Tarou.)

Tarou: Arigato.
(He snatches it and crushes it in his hand.  Instantly, he is replaced
by a giant, winged minotaur.  The bounty hunters pause, but then one
of them laughs.)

Bounty hunter: It's only a trick!  Remember the mask?
(They step forward, then Tarou picks two of them up, slams them
together and throw them into the plothole.)

Shampoo: (impressed) Is some trick, ne?

Ranma: (slicing a hunter off the sled) Hai, it sure is... (grunts as
he barely parries a blaster bolt; to Ukyou) Where's Akane?  We have to
get out of here!

Ryouga: (still hiding behind his shield) Akane...?

Ukyou: She was still on the barge last I saw, with the slug.

Ryouga: Akane...alone with the slug... (grits teeth) No...
(In the barge, Akane and Nabiki are walking down a corridor, past a
group of yelling bounty hunters.)

Akane: Can't you order them to stop?

Nabiki: (smiles wistfully) Unfortunately, no.  Though I led them, most
don't recognize my authority.  Only a few like Shampoo know, and I
made sure they weren't on this cruise.

Akane: Oh...
(They come to a door with a keypad next to it.)

Nabiki: Ah, here we are.  (punches a few buttons on the pad; the door
opens) Quick, inside.
(They enter and the door closes behind him.  Back on the sled, the
would-be escapees are being sorely pressed on all sides.  Tsubasa's
turret is a smoking wreck, and he is crouched next to Ukyou with
blaster in hand.  Tarou flies above them, dodging cannon fire and
plucking bounty hunters off the skimmers to drop into the plothole
below.  Mousse has climbed to his knees, and is defending himself with
Ukyou's help.  Shampoo and Ranma are fighting side by side, but are
doing little to stem the tide of bounty hunters.  Ryouga is still
crouched behind his shield.)

Ranma: We have to do something.

Ryouga: All my fault...if it weren't for me, you wouldn't have come...
(He stands up, switching his Brella back to weapon mode.)

Ukyou: Ryouga-kun!  Get down!
(She picks up a sniper with a well-placed spatula.  Ryouga stands in
the middle of a hail of blaster bolts, but is miraculously untouched.)

Ryouga: We're all doomed...Akane is with the slug... (his Brella
starts to crackle) Ranma is a Jedi...I'm helpless...
(Ranma stops in mid-swing and stares at Ryouga.  Shampoo knocks away
his opponent.)

Shampoo: Why you no fight, Ranma?

Ranma(softly): Ryouga...
(Ryouga raises his sightless eyes towards the sky.  The Brella is
starting to distort.)

Ryouga: ...all my hopes are gone...life has no meaning...

Shampoo: What  bout Ryouga?

Ranma: The Force...he has the Force...
(Ryouga suddenly grips his distorted Brella with both hands.)

Ryouga: And it's ALL MY FAULT!!!!  (pulls the Brella up, pointing it
at the sail barge; dramatically echoing voice) SHISHI HOKODAN!!!!!!
(His Brella abruptly explodes, expanding into a sphere of force that
crackles like a thousand thunderstorms.  Then it shoots forward,
becoming a beam of energy nearly as large around as Ryouga's shield
that blasts into the barge and rips through it as if it was made of
tissue paper, blasting the superstructure apart and tossing pieces of
metal across the desert.  The barge doesn't even have a chance to
start to crash before the beam of energy expands once more, becoming a
cone which consumes the entire thing in a blazing greenish pyre.  Only
then does the energy shrink back into the glowing Brella and shut
down.  Ryouga falls to his knees and looks up, his face covered with
sweat.  The battle, meanwhile, has stopped.)

Ryouga: A-akane... (collapses, unconscious)

Tsubasa(profound shock): In all the...

Ukyou: (wide-eyed) How did he _do_ that?!?

Bounty hunter(one of many): W-w-w-we surrender!
(All of the bounty hunters, apparently impressed with Ryouga's little
show, throw down their weapons and raise their hands...or equivalents.
Shampoo looks pleased, but everybody else is too busy staring at
Ryouga to notice.  Then Tarou, landing, grips Ranma's shoulder and
forcibly turns him to look at the sail barge.  He snorts and growls
urgently.)

Ranma: Huh?  What... (realization strikes; very, very softly)
A-akane...she was still...
(Ranma falls to his knees in shock in disbelief.  Ukyou blinks and
looks over at them.)

Ukyou: What is it, Ranchan?

Ranma: Akane...she was still...still on the...

Ukyou(shocked): Oh no...no...it can't be, it just can't...

Voice(from above): Impressive.
(They all look up, to see a hovering speeder bike.  Nabiki is at the
controls, with Akane sitting behind her.)

Ranma(supremely relieved): AKANE!  You're okay!

Akane: (leaps down) Ranma!  (sees Ryouga; gasps) Is he okay?  
(She walks over and begins examining the fallen lost boy.)

Ukyou: How did you survive?  (looks at Nabiki) And who are you?

Nabiki: To answer your first question, purely by luck.  I had this
bike set up for our escape, but it was only by chance that we got out
before he blew the barge away.
(Tarou growls, trying to say something, then grunts is exasperation.)

Ukyou: And my second-and more important-question?

Shampoo: She boss.

Ukyou: (arches an eyebrow) Oh...

Akane: It's the truth.  (looks up from her careful examination of
Ryouga's face) She's Nabiki the Hutt, and she's the real leader...

Nabiki: Former leader.

Akane: Former leader of these smugglers, and we owe her our lives.

Ranma: Wow.
(Tarou snorts derisively.)

Ranma: (scanning Nabiki) Hmm...

Nabiki: (mocking smile) like what you see, Skywalker?
(Ranma backs off, waving his hands, but Akane is busy with Ryouga.
Ukyou, on the other hand, looks _very_ interested in the proceedings.)

Ranma: n-no!  Err...that is, you're not ugly, but I wasn't, uh,
I...that is...

Ukyou(peevish): Just spit it out, Ranma.

Tsubasa: (standing behind Ukyou) I did good didn't I, Ukyou-sama?

Ukyou: (smashes her spatula into his face) Go away.

Tsubasa: (slides off the spatula and collapses) I see you're still
angry...uhhh...

Nabiki: (stepping into the sled) Well Skywalker, what _did_ you find
so interesting?

Ranma: Well...I just feel as though we've...met somewhere before.
(Tarou moos curiously.)

Nabiki: (cocks an eyebrow) I'm sure I would have remembered you...
(At this point, Tarou notices that the bounty hunters are all still
standing around with their hands in the air.  He bellows at them, and
they all decide they have very pressing engagements on the other side
of the planet.)

Ukyou: Good work, Tarou.
(Tarou grunts noncommittally and shrugs.)

Nabiki: This is an interesting group you've thrown yourself in with,
Shampoo.

Shampoo: Shampoo no know them, Shampoo only like Ranma.

Nabiki: Right.  (to Ranma) Well, what did you mean?

Ranma: (frowns) I don't actually recognize _you_...its your aura.  The
way you feel, the sense of you is so familiar...its like I've met
you...or...

Akane: (looks up) Or a relative?

Ranma: (snaps his fingers) That's it!  I've met a close relative of
yours before...

Akane(softly): Ranma, look at me.
(Ranma does so, keeping his eyes deliberately away from the
unconscious Ryouga.  He studies her for a second, then gasps in
surprise.  He looks at Nabiki, who looks confused, then back to Akane,
who looks hopeful.)

Ranma: It's...it's...it's YOU!
(Akane puts down Ryouga and stands up, tears glittering in her eyes.)

Nabiki: What are you babbling about?

Ranma: It's _your_ feel, Akane!

Akane: ONEESAN!
(She runs over and hugs a surprised Nabiki.  Tarou snorts derisively,
as if he already knew all this.)

Nabiki: Oneesan?

Akane: (steps back; tears rolling down her cheeks) You're my sister,
Nabiki Tendo, princess of Dojo!

Nabiki: Oh...really?  If you say so.  (shrugs)

Ukyou: (smiles) If I had tear ducts, I'd be crying.

Shampoo: (blows nose noisily on a tissue) Is very, very happy union
again.

Ranma(turns to Tarou; snorts): Women.

Akane: BAKA!  (slugs Ranma) This is a happy moment!
(Tarou rolls his eyes.)

Nabiki: Does this mean I'll get an audience with King Soun?

Akane: An _audience_?!?

Ukyou: You'll be lucky if he doesn't hold a week-long party, declare a
galactic holiday and start up a church for you.

Nabiki(thoughtful): A church?  Hmm...throngs of adoring masses at my
beck and call...

Akane(shocked): Nabiki!

Nabiki: Just a thought...

Mousse: (groans) Do you think maybe we could get to a hospital?  I am
sort of almost dying here.

Shampoo: So?

Tsubasa: (getting up) Ugh...Ukyou-sama, why did you do that?  You
should really find a more productive outlet for your aggression...like
beating up Ranma...
(Ukyou dumps the transvestite over the side and he lands face-first in
the sand.  She pats her hands together.)

Ukyou: _Now_ we can leave.
(The scene shifts to an off-world view of Tokyo, as three ships fly
from it.  One is a standard X-Wing, the second is a disk-shaped ship
with a wedge cut from the front, and the last is a sphere with a long
handle-like drive system.  In the cockpit of the X-Wing, a
flight-suited Ranma is listening to his comlink.)

Shampoo(over com): No worries, Ranma!  Shampoo come back soon, just
tell family good news.

Ranma: What good news?

Shampoo: (laughs) You silly Ranma, Shampoo mean you!  Bai-bai!
(Outside, the bonbori-shaped craft leaps into hyperspace.  Ranma sighs
in relief.)

Ranma: Great, she's gone.  Now you can tell me the real rendezvous
coordinates.

Akane(over com): Those _were_ the real coordinates.

Ranma: Ahh, what'd you go and do that for?  We could have lost her for
good!
(The view shifts to the cockpit of the Hibiki Falcon.  Tarou is
piloting, Akane is in the co-pilot's seat, Ryouga and Ukyou are in the
back.)

Akane: Ranma, that wouldn't be very nice-even to Shampoo.

Ranma: You've never been nice before, Akane.  Why'd you have to start
now?

Akane(sweetly): Tarou, would you be a dear and blow Ranma out of the
sky?

Ranma(irritated): Akane...

Tarou: I'll think about it.

Ranma: Tarou!

Ryouga: Hey Skywalker.

Ranma: What is it, P-chan?

Ryouga: (frowns) I was going to thank you for helping to save me, but
on second thought, forget it.

Ranma: (snorts) Don't thank me, man.  If Akane hadn't locked me in
that airlock...

Ukyou: Ranchan?

Ranma: What is it, Ucchan?

Ukyou: Are you _sure_ you can't come back to the fleet with us?  It's
going to be quite a show when Nabiki and Soun meet.

Ranma: Right, and he'll probably use it as an excuse to marry me off
to Akane.  No thanks.  Besides, I've got an old friend I've got to
meet...

Ukyou: Oh?  Who is it?

Ranma(quickly): Just a friend...nobody special. [I've got to become a
full Jedi before Ryouga!]

Tarou: See you back at the fleet, then.

Ranma: As long as you don't let Ryouga steer; wouldn't want to go to
Coruscant.

Ryouga: Hey!  That only happened...(thinks for a moment)...three
times!

Ranma: Hai.  Later.
(Both ships leap into hyperspace.  The scene shifts to the forest moon
of Endor.  The skeletal Happoudaikarin is still there, surrounded by
TIE fighters, interceptors, avengers and Assault Gunboats.  Several
dozen Imperial Star Destroyers and the mammoth Super Star Destroyer
patrol the perimeter.  We see a shuttle, escorted by a flight of TIE
defenders.  The TIE's break off, and the shuttle glides into one of
the docking bays of the Happoudaikarin, its tri-wings folding up for
an easier landing.  It settles to the ground before a gigantic
formation of stormtroopers, commandos and officers standing rank on
rank.  A red carpet leads form the far door to the descending ramp of
the shuttle.  Darth Saotome waddles regally (how can a panda waddle
regally?  Don't ask me, I'm just the writer) up the carpet with
Admiral Harkov only a few steps behind.)

Harkov: It seems your plan worked.

Saotome: {Hai, now for phase 2.}
(Just then, several figures emerge from the shuttle. They are
beautiful, long-haired women, dressed in skimpy red costumes and
carrying long polearms.  They take up positions along the carpet.
Saotome and Harkov wait for a few seconds...then a minute...then three
minutes.  Finally, the panda turns to Harkov.)

Saotome: {Where is he?}
(Harkov shrugs, then his eyes widen.)

Voice: Howdy, Genma old boy.
(Saotome looks at his shoulder, where a foot and a half tall, wrinkled
old man is perched, smoking a pipe.  The panda "gaahs" and jumps.)

Saotome: {E-emperor Happousai!}

Happousai: (frowns) Genma, what have I told you about that curse?
(He pours a teakettle over Saotome's head.  Instantly, the panda is
replaced by a portly, bald man. The pieces of armour instantly snap
together, combining into a single set which covers his entire body.
He grins idiotically as the translator equipment falls off.)

Genma: Never use it around you?

Happousai: Ex-zactly!  (bops Genma on the head with his pipe, driving
him to his knees) Now explain what I'm doing here.

Genma: W-well, master... (stands up)

Happousai: Did I say you could rise?  (bop; Genma falls again)

Genma: S...so sorry, master...

Harkov: Your excellency?

Happousai: Eh?  Oh hello there, captain.

Harkov: Admiral, master.

Happousai: It was good, wasn't it...

Harkov: No, _I_ am an admiral.

Happousai: And you _will_ be a captain if you don't shut up!
(Harkov stiffens, and Happousai cackles with delight.  Genma clears
his throat.)

Genma: M-master?

Happousai: Yeeessss?

Genma: Would you like a tour of your new vaults?

Happousai: Of course.  But first, _why_ do I have new vaults?

Genma: To protect, them master.  After all, wouldn't your...resources
be safer in the galaxy's most fearsome, deadly, invincible weapon then
on Coruscant?

Happousai: The _last_ one wasn't all that invincible.

Genma: Ah...uh... (sweats) Minor technical problem.  I assure you it's
been fixed.

Happousai: (laughs) Okay, sure.  (looks around) Well, why don't we go
see my precious treasures now?

Genma: Straight away, master.  (smiles)
(The scene shifts again, this time to a ragtag fleet made up of
numerous ships.  The largest one is shaped like a giant rose, made
entirely of black metal.  The view shifts to the bridge of this ship,
where we see a woman in a vice-admiral's uniform with long black hair
tied to the side in a ponytail.  Next to her stands a diminutive man
in a general's uniform.)

Kodachi(angry): How _dare_ they!

Sasuke: I understand, mistress Kodachi...

Kodachi: No you don't!  (shakes with rage) A second Happoudaikarin!
How could they!

Sasuke: I believe when you stopped...

Kodachi: And all because my worthless brother had to go and get
himself killed!  Well I won't stand for it!

Sasuke: Perhaps you could...

Kodachi(suddenly gleeful): Ohohohohohohohoho!  Perhaps I shall destroy
their precious weapon!

Sasuke(shocked): But that's im...

Kodachi: And I know just how to do it, too!

Sasuke: (sighs) I give up.
(The scene changes to the rebel fleet, made up of Corellian corvettes,
Nebulon-B frigates, Mon Calamari cruisers, Zentran cruisers, an
Outlanders starship and many others.  The view then shifts to a
medilab.  Nabiki, dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, is sitting on a bed.
A kind-looking man in a green gi with wire-rimmed glasses is examining
her.  Nearby, Akane and three other people stand.  The first is a tall
man with long black hair and a moustache, the second is a girl wearing
a yellow and cream coloured dress and long brown hair, and finally a
woman also sporting brown hair and wearing a white gi.  The doctor
leans back with a smile.)

Akane(anxious): Well?

Tofu: I've studied her DNA coding, her fingerprints, and even her
aura, and I've come to the conclusion that...

Soun: Well?

Tofu: ...this is indeed Nabiki Tendo, daughter of Soun Tendo and
princess of Dojo.

Soun: (dancing around) Oh happy, happy, happy day!  To think that
after all these years, we should be reunited!  (runs over and hugs
Nabiki; tears of joy) Now, now my life is complete, my family is
together again, and...

Nabiki: Daddy...I can't breathe....

Soun: (leaps back) She called me _DADDY_!   How wondrous a day!  Now,
on this most joyous of occasions, only one thing could make it
better...Ranma and Akane's marriage!

Nabiki: (leans back) Gee, you weren't kidding about him.

Akane: There's just one problem dad, Ranma's not here.

Soun: He's WHAT?  Not here?!?

Akane: He said something about seeing an old friend.

Nodoka: (frowns) You don't say...an old friend...

Soun: (doing an impression of Niagara Falls) To think that Ranma would
run out on his fiancee...

Akane: I am _not_ marrying Ranma, dad!

Kasumi: So how are you, Nabiki?

Nabiki: I'm wondering if it's too late to get out of this family.

Kasumi: How nice.

Tofu: K-k-kasumi!  (glasses fog up)

Akane: Uh-oh... (grabs Nabiki) C'mon, we gotta get out of...
(Tofu grabs Soun's arm and begins twisting it into a pretzel.)

Tofu: What a coincidence we should meet here, of all places!

Soun: My arm!  My Akane!  My Nabiki!  Yaargh!
(Akane, Nabiki-who is staring-and Nodoka walk into the next room.
Tarou and Ryouga are waiting for them.  Ryouga's eyes are no longer
unfocused.)

Ryouga(happy): Akane!  Good news?

Nabiki(collected again): Depends on your point of view.  I'm her
sister alright, but I'm not sure how good that is.

Tarou: (snorts) You're a Tendo, that's all I need to say.

Nodoka: Come now, this is a good thing.  Family reunions are always
good.  (to Ryouga) I see your vision has returned.

Ryouga: Hai.

Nodoka: Where are the others?

Tarou: Ukyou went to droid maintenance to have all the sand cleaned
out of her system, and Tsubasa undoubtedly is around there somewhere.
As for Mousse... (shrugs) He disappeared back on Tokyo.

Nabiki: Probably ran off after Shampoo.

Nodoka: Indeed...Nabiki?

Nabiki: Hai?

Nodoka: You said you had some information...

Nabiki: Ah yes, that.  (smiles) Well, this is a freebie.  The Empire
is building a second Happoudaikarin.

Nodoka: Oh dear...

Akane(shocked): Another...Happoudaikarin?!?

Ryouga(also shocked): You can't be serious!

Tarou(calm): How do you know this?

Nabiki: (smiles) Please.  There is _nothing_ smugglers don't know.

Tarou: Fine.  Where is it?  How far along is it?  When will it be
finished?  And how well defended is it?

Nabiki: (leans back) Now that is going to cost you.

Akane(doubly shocked): Oneesan!

Nabiki: Business is business, Akane.  How about...say, 500 000 credits
worth of negotiable goods?

Akane: But we're your family!

Nabiki: Okay, I'll give you the family discount.  Let's make it 499
990 credits worth.

Ryouga: I never would have thought...

Nodoka: We have no time to negotiate.  If you truly want the money
you'll get it.  I give you my pledge as a Jedi.

Nabiki: Great. (pauses) Oh, and one other thing...you may want to
hurry with your plans because Emperor Happousai himself is on the
Happoudaikarin.
(Everyone looks shocked, especially Tarou.)

Akane: The Emperor...

Ryouga: This is it, then.  Our big chance.

Nodoka: Hai.  (fierce) Our chance to destroy Emperor Happousai once
and for all.

Tarou(softly): Emperor..._Happousai_...

Akane: Hai, Happousai.  That is his name.

Tarou: (leaps up) I never...heard his name before... (growls) So _he_
is the Emperor!  I should have known!

Nabiki(intrigued): Oh?  Who?

Tarou(absolute loathing): HAPPOUSAI!  He who is responsible for my
most gruesome curse, my most heavy cross to bear!  The one I have
sworn to kill no matter the cost!

Nodoka: What did he do to you?

Tarou: (turns his head away) No!  It is too horrible!  I could not
stand it...

Akane: What could he possibly do to you that was so horrible?

Tarou: You just don't understand...

Akane: Tarou...I want to understand.

Tarou: (stands tall and stiff) Very well.  But I warn you, if this
drives you away from me... (dark tone) I _will_ kill you.

Nabiki: I think I'll go back to Tokyo now.

Ryouga: Tarou, you don't have to do this...

Tarou: No, Solo-kun, I think I must.  I can no longer bear this burden
any longer.  (steels himself)  Happousai has given me a curse twent,
no, a hundred times more awful than any curse of Jyusenkyou...
(everyone waits in breathless anticipation) he...he n-named
me...(bursts out) he named me PANTYHOSE!  
(Tarou cringes.  Everybody except Ryouga blinks.)

Akane: So?

Tarou: Huh?

Nabiki: He named you Pantyhose...so what?

Tarou: But...

Nodoka: There are many unusual names in the galaxy, Tarou.

Akane: Hai.  For example, there's this guy on my dad's cabinet-the one
we call Bob?  Well, his real name is "I'm a stupid pathetic dork".

Tarou: You mean my name isn't that bad?

Nabiki: Compared to _his_, it's pure poetry.  (pauses) Not that it
isn't a bad name, just that it isn't as bad as you thought.

Tarou: Well it's still horrible.  (seems a trifle defensive)

Nodoka: If you say it is, dear.  After all, we have not had to live
with it.

Tarou: (nods vigorously) You don't know the horrors I've gone
through...

Nodoka: And I suggest, Tarou, that you give up your hatred for the
Emperor.  That leads you dangerously close to the Dark Side.

Tarou: (swings around to look at her; seems slightly startled) But I'm
not a Jedi.  I don't have to worry about that.

Nodoka: (stern frown) No Tarou, everyone must fear the Dark Side.  It
is not so choosy in who it claims.

Nabiki: Well now that that's over with, let's talk about the
Happoudaikarin.
(The scene changes to a view of the mysterious planet of Jyusenkyou.
A lone X-Wing with Ranma's blue markings flies towards it.  The view
shifts again, this time to the jungle-like surface.  Ranma is making
his way through the dense foliage, absently using his lightsabre to
cut down vines, limbs, and annoying little green things with big eyes.
He begins to circle around a large pool.)

Ranma: [Now where is that hut...ah, I think it's this way...]
(He moves through a particularly dense thicket and emerges at the edge
of a wide, swampy plain.  At the other end is a neat and tidy mud hut
(oxymoron?).  Ranma smiles to himself and begins to leap from dry
patch to dry patch until he is standing next to the hut.  He then
moves to the door and knocks.)

Ranma: Cologne?  (there is no answer; knocks again) Cologne?
(Suddenly, running footsteps can be heard inside.  They grow closer
and closer until they are just on the other side of the door, then it
flies open and...)

Shampoo: NIHAO!
(She tackles Ranma to the ground with an enthusiastic glomp.  Her
bounty hunter armour is gone, replaced by a loose outfit of pink
silk.)

Ranma: Sh-sh-sh-sh-SHAMPOO?!?  What in the name of the Force are you
doing here?

Shampoo: (lays her head comfortably on his chest) Shampoo so happy you
come see... (blinks, then raises her head to look at him) How you
find?

Ranma: (trying unsuccessfully to extricate himself) I...I...didn't
find you...or at least I wasn't trying to find you...

Shampoo: (sits up, allowing Ranma to crawl away) No, how you find
planet?

Ranma: (blinks) I've been here before... (stands up)

Shampoo: You have?

Ranma: What are _you_ doing here?

Shampoo: Shampoo come visit great-grandmother, she not feel well...

Ranma: Wait a sec...Cologne...is your great-grandmother?!?

Shampoo: Hai...what is problem?

Ranma(weakly): Nothing...nothing at all...

Shampoo: (smiles) Good, you come see.  Great-grandmother need meet
husband.

Ranma: We've met.

Shampoo: Aiya!  (jumps up) Then you come see again!  She not well,
maybe you cheer up?

Ranma: Not...well...oh no...
(The scene shifts to the inside of the hut.  A diminutive old hag with
green skin and long white hair is lying, bundled in a blanket, in a
sleeping nook in the wall.  She looks sick, and is coughing almost
constantly.  Ranma and Shampoo are sitting on the floor nearby.
Behind them, in a cage, a strange-looking duck with glasses is in a
cage, quacking angrily.)

Ranma(softly): Can she talk?
(Cologne whacks him on the head with her staff.)

Cologne: Ask me yourself, boy.

Ranma: (rubs his head) Hey!  That's my...

Cologne: (coughs) What are you doing here, boy?

Ranma: I came to complete my training.

Cologne: (cough) I can (hack) not do that... (coughing fit)

Ranma(concerned): Are you dying?

Cologne: (bops him again) No!   (coughs) You didn't let me finish.

Ranma: But...

Cologne: What?  You think Jedi don't catch colds?  (hack) The Force is
strong, boy, but not _that_ strong.  (coughing fit) What I was trying
to say is that I can't do it _now_!  Maybe later, come back (cough) in
about a month.

Ranma: (blinks) Uh...sure...I have one more question.
(Cologne, who had already turned away, sighs and rolls back.)

Cologne: Very well, but make it quick.

Ranma: Okay.  (seriously) Is Darth Saotome my father?

Cologne: (after a long pause) You sure know how to ask them, don't
you?  (sighs and coughs) Very well...hai, Darth Saotome is your
father.

Ranma: (stands up; angry) Why didn't you tell me?

Cologne: Do you admit your mistakes easily?

Ranma: (pauses) Well... (sits down) Wait.  What do you mean by
mistake?

Cologne: Genma Skywalker (cough) was my first mistake.  He came to me
(cough; hack) wanting to train himself and you in the way of the true
Jedi.  Not those mealy-mouthed, whiny (cough) "I must preserve all
life" Jedi that existed off of Jyusenkyou.  (long pause; sniffs
disdainfully) He was not prepared.  He wandered off one day and found
_him_.

Ranma: Him?

Cologne: (eyes narrow) An ancient Jedi of the Dark Side.  Twisted and
perverted beyond all hope of redemption, and so powerful that he could
not be destroyed, only confined.

Ranma: The Emperor.

Cologne: Very good, boy.  I didn't think (cough) you had it in you.
(pauses) We had imprisoned Happousai in a cave not far from here and
then the Jedi left, leaving me and a few others to care for the planet
and become Happousai's wardens.  (coughing fit) The Jedi used their
powers to try and eradicate all memory of this planet from non-Force
users.  Slowly, (cough) all my peers, (hack) even my daughter left
here.

Shampoo: But Shampoo come back when old enough!

Cologne: (nods) And so did Genma.  (frowns) I wasn't watching him
closely enough.  I was too busy trying to put some knowledge in you.
(coughs) You were very receptive at that age, unlike now.

Ranma: Hey!

Cologne: (bop) Quiet.  (clear throat) Genma found Happousai's hiding
place and unwittingly released him.  As soon as the old lech (Ranma
arches an eyebrow) escaped, he used his dark knowledge to tempt
Skywalker to the Dark Side and made him his pupil.  (coughs) I learned
of this, and knew he would come for you next, so I went to face him.
(cough) You snuck along, despite my instructions not to... (sighs) I
won't bore you with details of the battle.  Suffice it to say that
both you and your father received your curses that day.  You ran off,
and I was forced to give chase, (cough) which left Happousai time to
secure his hold over Genma.  When I found you, I decided it was best
to clear your memory and return you to your mother.  (coughing fit) I
explained what had happened to your father, and cautioned her to hide
you from happousai.

Ranma: So _that's_ why we went to Tokyo, and why she was so reluctant
to teach me anything.  (frowns) But why didn't she tell me?  (growls)
She could have told me the truth!

Cologne: Could you have accepted the truth?

Ranma: I guess we'll never know now.  (sighs) Well, I suppose I'll be
going...

Shampoo: Wait Ranma, we no speak good news!

Cologne: (eyes narrow) Good news?

Shampoo: You  member Shampoo tell you  bout strong man?

Cologne: (looks at Ranma in disbelief) You mean...him?!?  He's the man
you wish to marry?
(The duck stops in mid-quack, stunned into silence.)

Ranma: (thin grin) Uh...heh heh...I'm sure we can talk about this...
(The duck begins jumping about, frantically waving its wings and
quacking angrily.)

Shampoo: What talk, Ranma?  (glomp) We marry right now, be happy!

Cologne: (grins) Congratulations, boy.

Ranma: (trying to pull off Shampoo) I'm not marrying her!

Cologne: Oh, but you will.  (smiles evilly) That is, if you wish to
become a Jedi.

Ranma(stops; flabbergasted): [She can't...no, she's serious.] (the
duck grows angrier) [I don't want to marry Shampoo, but I have to
become a Jedi...]
(The duck quacks one last time, and snaps up its wings.  Suddenly,
multiple knives pop out of the wings.  Ranma leaps away-sending
Shampoo to the floor-as the duck slashes open the cage and flies at
Ranma.)

Ranma: What the...

Shampoo: Stupid!  Get back in cage!
(Ranma dodges, and the duck flies over his head and through and open
door.  Ranma spins, slams the door closed, and sighs in relief.)

Ranma: Where does that door lead?

Cologne: (sighs) The bathroom.
(Suddenly a pike shoots through the door and stops five millimetres
from Ranma's nose.  He jumps back, and a second weapon-this one a
claw-sticks through another portion of the door.  Then someone begins
to tear it apart.)

Ranma: (getting into a defensive pose) Who...
(The door splinters and falls apart, to reveal Mousse, in his robe,
multiple blades sticking from his sleeves.)

Ranma(surprised): Mousse?

Mousse(enraged): Yoouuuuu... (growls) You're the one who stole my
Shampoo!  You took away my love...you're responsible for my curse!

Ranma: What are you talking about?

Cologne: The fool walked into the spring of drowned duck when he
followed Shampoo here.

Ranma: But how can a _duck_ drown...

Mousse: You destroyed my happiness, Skywalker... (shouts) So I'll
destroy YOU!
(Mousse swings up his arms and launches half a dozen mace-tipped
chains at Ranma.  Instantly, his lightsabre is out and he slices them
away.  Mousse ducks and throws a stream of tiny spheres onto the
floor.  Ranma backs away, and is thrown off-balance by the marbles.
He begins to flail wildly, and Mousse charges into him, catching Ranma
with his shoulder.  Lifting him up, Mousse smashes Ranma into the wall
of the hut, which gives way with a crack, dumping them both outside.
Ranma grimaces, but lets himself fall, then uses his momentum to kick
Mousse high into the air.  Mousse manages to land on his feet and
spins to face Ranma, who has already stood up.)

Ranma: Mousse?  Why are you fighting _me_, man?

Mousse: (points accusingly at him) You stole my Shampoo's heart!  For
that, you deserve no less than death!

Ranma: I don't want to fight you, Mousse, especially over _her_.  You
can have Shampoo.

Mousse: (a claw extends from his sleeve) YOU LIE!!!  No man can resist
her!  You're trying to get me to lower my defences!

Ranma: (brings lightsabre into offensive position) I don't need you to
lower your defences, Mousse.  I'm a Jedi Ninja and I can easily take
you.

Mousse: That we shall see!  (leaps at Ranma) DIIIIEEEE!
(Mousse comes down with his claw, but Ranma merely kicks him from the
air.  Mousse lands in the mud, rolls himself over and launches a
chained sickle at Ranma, who absently slices it apart with his
lightsabre.  Mousse rises to his feet as both Shampoo and Cologne exit
the hut.)

Ranma: Had enough yet?

Shampoo: (waving two bonbori like pompoms) Ranma!  Ranma!  He Shampoo
man, he no do, no one can!  Aiya!

Mousse: (spits) Never.  Not until Shampoo is mine!  (shakes with rage)
I will not be beaten!
(Ranma runs at Mousse, concentrating intently.  Mousse smiles and
leaps into the air.)

Mousse: TAKA ZUME KEN!
(Mousse suddenly flips over and comes down at Ranma with gigantic
claws attached to his feet.  Ranma tosses his lightsabre, and it
begins to spin, forcing Mousse to come down at an awkward angle,
straight into Ranma's fist.  Ranma grabs Mousse by the neck and flips
him towards a nearby tree, then allows the lightsabre to slide back
into his waiting palm.  Mousse begins to fall, then snaps a whip
around a tree limb and flips himself onto it.)

Ranma: I haven't even begun to fight, Mousse.

Mousse: (growls) You force me to play my trump card, Skywalker.

Ranma: Oh?  And what's that?

Mousse: (smirks) THIS!
(He waves his arm and tosses a round object at Ranma...a thermal
detonator!  Ranma "eeps" and leaps high into the air as the explosive
hits the ground and goes off, making a large crater and spraying mud
everywhere.  Mousse laughs and throws three more detonators at Ranma.
He leaps, rolls, and flings himself to the side, barely avoiding the
blast radius of the last one.  Mousse springs from the tree and
launches another detonator.  Ranma backpeddles, but is unable to
escape this one and is picked off his feet and flung into a thin pool
of stagnant water.  Instant girl.  As she slowly begins to get up,
Mousse lands.)

Mousse(mocking tone): Had enough yet?

Ranma-chan: (growls) Why you... (stands up) I didn't want to do this
to you, Mousse, but... (brings up her lightsabre) I'm going to have to
teach you a lesson!
(She cries out, then leaps impossible high into the air and sends her
sabre spinning at Mousse.  He ducks, but the sabre shifts in it's
flight path and nicks his back, driving him to his knees.  Ranma-chan,
still floating in midair, makes a sweeping motion and a fallen tree
limp flies over and smashes Mousse in the face.  The boy is flung onto
his back, and Ranma-chan gestures again, lifting him up and tossing
him into a tree.  Mousse collapses, out of breath and badly battered,
as Ranma-chan floats gracefully to the ground.  She waves her hand,
and the lightsabre flies into it and ignites with a hiss.  Walking
over to Mousse, she lifts his head by the hair and presses the glowing
blade to his neck.)

Ranma-chan(low, deadly tone): I _should_ kill you, Mousse.  But you
were my friend, so I'll just... (tosses Mousse into the same pool of
stagnant water, instant duck) ...teach you a lesson.

Shampoo(impressed): Aiya.  Ranma is very good, powerful Jedi.

Ranma-chan: (shakes her head; blinks) Huh?  Wow.  I didn't know I had
it in me.

Cologne: (hobbles over) Neither did I, (cough) boy.  (eyes narrow)
That was beyond your power.  At this stage you shouldn't have been
able to manage that.

Ranma-chan(arrogantly): Well, maybe you just underestimated me.  Maybe
I'm more powerful than you thought.  (grins evilly) I think I've
learned more than you can teach me, Cologne.  I don't need you.
(starts to walk away) Later, you old hag.  Keep your worthless
knowledge _and_ your great-granddaughter.
(As soon as Ranma-chan is out of sight, Cologne bounces over to
Shampoo.)

Cologne(urgently): Follow him, granddaughter!  Do not let him escape
you!

Shampoo: No worries, great-grandmother, Shampoo know what do.
(The scene changes back to the rebel fleet, then to a large,
bowl-shaped room.  The middle is occupied by a large holoplatform
disk, which is further surrounded by a donut-like lecture space.  Then
the bowl curves up to bleacher-like seats with stairwells at regular
intervals, which lead to doors in the walls.  The room is filled with
rebels of all races-Human, Calamari, Bothons, Salusians, and so on-and
ranks.  Akane leads Ryouga in, they walk down to the lecture area and
walk around the disk.  Two other figures come into view.  It's Tarou
and Ukyou, who are talking amiably.  Tarou is in a grey uniform, while
Ukyou has "fruit salad" adhered to her artificial clothes.  Ryouga
blinks upon seeing this.)

Ryouga: A general?  (walks up) You old dog you, I never thought they'd
make _you_ a general.

Tarou: (snorts) Believe it, Solo-kun.  It looks like at least some of
them have brains.  I'm still surprised that she (jerks a thumb at
Ukyou) got her rank.

Ryouga: Rank?

Ukyou(proudly): Field commander, covert ops specialist.  (winks) I
threatened  em into it.

Akane: Actually, the council decided to recognize that she was a
sentient person.  (smiles) It helped that Nodoka, Soun, Tofu and I
were on her side.

Ryouga: Congratulations.  Well, I hope they had the good sense not to
give Ranma a command.

Tarou: For once I agree with you about Ranma, but they _did_ try.

Akane: You mean Soun tried, and Ranma...less than gracefully declined.

Ukyou: (chuckles) I think Ranchan's exact words were "Take your rank
and shove it where the Force can't penetrate."

Ryouga: (sniffs) That's Ranma for you, always thinking of himself.

Tarou(amused): Aren't you the one who just said he shouldn't have a
command?
(Ryouga is spared from having to answer this question when Nodoka asks
everyone to take their seats.  The four friends sit together at the
edge of the bowl.  Nodoka, Soun, Nabiki and several generals stand to
one side of the holoplatform.  Soun clears his throat.)

Soun: My fellow rebels, a grave emergency has arisen that requires our
immediate action.  Here with the details is Nabiki, former smuggler
and current rebel ally.

Ryouga(whispers to Akane): _Just_ an alliance ally?

Akane(whispers back): She wants her identity kept secret until she
"feels out" the people.  She said she want to be the major information
and supply source.

Tarou(whispers): And with her brains, she's likely to do it too.

Nabiki: (steps forward) Members of the rebel alliance.  My associates
and I have discovered something vital to your survival, and for a mild
fee, have agreed to divulge this information to you.
(She points a baton at the holoplatform.  Instantly it hums to life,
forming a transparent, 3-D image of a large metal sphere.  The
original Happoudaikarin.)

Nabiki: I assume you all recognize this?  (there is a murmured assent)
Good, because the Empire is constructing a second one.
(She pauses a moment to allow this to sink in to the now-stupefied
rebels.  Then, she points her baton again and the hologram changes, to
be replaced by a faraway view of a triple-planeted solar system.)

Nabiki: This system is located in the colonies.  My people were using
it as a base until the Empire set up construction facilities  (the
hologram zooms into a moon revolving around a gas giant) on the forest
moon of Endor.  They began building this.  (a sphere appears, orbiting
the moon; it is the skeletal Happoudaikarin) This Happoudaikarin is
twice as powerful as the last one.  However, it is vulnerable to
attack during this phase of construction.  In addition, we know that
Emperor Happousai (Tarou growls) himself is on the fortress.  Now the
Empire is at its most vulnerable.  Needless to say, this is the moment
for you to strike.  (steps away)

Nodoka: (walks forward) Though our fleet has nearly doubled in size
since the miraculous victory at Dojo, we are still no match for the
Imperial navy in a long engagement.  Therefore, speed is a necessity
in our plans.  (she lifts a baton) The Happoudaikarin has three main
defences: secrecy, which we have annulled, the fleet (she gestures and
three dozen or so Star Destroyers appear), and a shield.  (she
gestures again, and a shimmering shield sprouts from the forest moon
to completely surround the fortress) Generated from the moon, this
shield is far too powerful for any of our weapons to breach it.
However, using a stolen Imperial shuttle and codes provided by Nabiki,
we will insert a small commando force on the moon to destroy the
shield generators.  (she points at the hologram and Endor disappears
as the Happoudaikarin enlarges) At this point, I will lead our capital
ships in a holding action against the Star Destroyers.  However, the
real attack will begin when our fighters attempt to destroy the
fortress.  General Tarou will lead the assault.

Tarou: (stands up and takes the baton) Arigato, Admiral.  (gestures
and the layers of metal disappear, showing a tunnel leading into the
fortress) This is the superstructure of the Happoudaikarin.  We will
fly to this, (points to a pulsing light in the middle) the internal
reactor core.  When we destroy it, a chain reaction will occur that
should (the light flares, consuming the Happoudaikarin) destroy it and
the (fiercely) _Emperor_ once and for all.
(He sits down, and the hologram disappears.  Nodoka steps forward
again.)

Nodoka: Arigato, Tarou.  The ground assault will be led by Commander
Ukyou.  (there are some grumbles, but Ukyou silences them with a
glare) Have you assembled your forces, commander?

Ukyou: Hai, I've already chosen my assault force, but I need a command
crew for the shuttle.

Ryouga: I'll go.  (looks at Akane) You'll need a good pilot.

Akane: Me too.  (Ukyou sighs, but nods)

Voice: Count me in.

Ukyou(whirls; excited): Ranma!
(Indeed it is Ranma Skywalker standing at the top of the steps.  As he
starts down, Akane begins to smile, then quickly wipes it from her
face and glares at him.  Ryouga cuts straight to the glare; Tarou
yawns.  Nodoka looks relieved.)

Ukyou: It's good to have you along, Ranchan.

Ranma: (smiles) Anything to help my friends, Ucchan.

Akane(angry): And just where have you been, Skywalker?

Ranma(evasively): Around.

Nodoka: Hello dear.

Ranma(cool voice): Mother.
(Nodoka blinks, as do Ukyou, Akane and Ryouga.  Tarou is discussing
strategy with a pilot.  At that moment, Shampoo bursts in and hurls
herself at Ranma.)

Shampoo: RANMA!  Shampoo here!  (glomp)
(The duck flies in and begins circling Kasumi's head, quacking
angrily.)

Kasumi: Why hello, Mousse.  (pauses) Have you done something with your
hair?  You look different.
(The duck dives at Ranma and begins pecking at him.  Ranma swats him
away.)

Akane: Mousse?

Ranma: Oh, Mousse got cursed.  (pushing on Shampoo) Get off of me!

Ryouga: Cursed?  (blinks; stands up) You mean Mousse has been to
Jyusenkyou?

Ranma: I guess so, ask him yourself.  (to Shampoo) I told you...

Akane: (plowing her fist into Ranma's face) We have more important
things to do!  (steps back; indignantly) Honestly!  Flirting in the
middle of a meeting...

Shampoo: Husband want Shampoo take us lone place?

Ukyou: (easily plucking Shampoo off) Get off Ranchan, you bimbo!

Shampoo: Shampoo no bimbo!  (steps away) She only try be  lone with
husband!

Ukyou: (combat stance; dangerous tone) Ranma isn't married to you.

Shampoo: He be (combat stance) soon!

Nodoka: (puts her lightsabre between them) That is enough!  There will
be no fighting in this rebellion.

Ukyou(puts her arms down; remorseful): I apologize, Admiral.  I
allowed my feelings to get the better of me.  It won't happen again.

Nodoka: I understand.  (to Shampoo) Sit down, girl.

Nabiki: Do as she says, Shampoo.

Shampoo: (sitting next to Ranma) Whatever boss say.

Nodoka: Good.  (to Ukyou) Do you _now_ have your command crew?
(Tofu is pouring a thermos out on the duck in the background.)

Ukyou: Almost.  With Ranma along I have four, but...

Shampoo: Aiya!  If Ranma go somewhere, then so go Shampoo!

Ukyou: Listen...

Nodoka: (nods) Excellent idea.  Shampoo is a fine tracker, _and_ she's
familiar with Imperial protocol.

Ukyou: (sighs) Very well.

Mousse: (steps forward) If Shampoo is coming, Ukyou, I too shall go.
I must protect her.

Ukyou: I guess I could use you, Mousse...
(The holoplatform suddenly sprouts a head.)

Tsubasa: Ukyou-sama!  I want to come too!

Ukyou: oh no!  You're definitely not...

Ranma: (frowns) No, let him come.

Ukyou(surprised): Ranchan?

Ranma: I don't know why...I just feel he should come.

Nodoka: It's called a "feeling" Ranma.  All Jedi get them from time to
time.

Ranma(coldly): If you say so.

Ukyou(irritated): Is there anyone else who just _has_ to join us?
(A person in the back begins to raise his hand, and Ukyou knocks him
out with her spatula.)

Nodoka: Very well everybody, let's get to our stations.  May the Force
be with you.  (face it, _somebody_ had to say that)
(The meeting begins to disperse, and we switch scenes to a hangar.
Several fighters of various types are scattered around, with the
Hibiki Falcon in the middle and an Imperial Tyderian shuttle off to
one side.  Ukyou is overseeing the loading of supplies into the
shuttle, while Tarou and Ryouga are near the Falcon.)

Ryouga: (obviously he's been talking for a while) ...and don't forget
to compensate for that faulty servo...

Tarou: I know how to pilot the Falcon, Solo-kun.  Probably better than
you do.

Ryouga: (sighs) I know Tarou, it's just... (looks at the shuttle) I
may never see the ship again.

Tarou: (cocks an eyebrow) Oh?

Ryouga: I may not come back from this mission.

Tarou: (snorts) You'll survive.

Ryouga: That's not it...it's just that... (chocked sob) Akane...she
doesn't... (shakes head)

Tarou: I understand how you feel, Solo-kun, but you can't give up.

Ryouga: (sighs) No Tarou, I have to accept it.  This will be my last
mission as a rebel...one way or another.

Tarou: Then it will be my last mission as well.

Ryouga: No Tarou, I need to be alone.  You have friends and influence
here, don't give them up for me.
(Tarou is silent and stoic as he clasps Ryouga's hand in
acknowledgement of his friend's wishes.)

Ryouga: I'm just sorry I couldn't pilot for you, pal.

Tarou: (snorts) With your sense of direction?  We'd be lucky if we
even reached the fortress, much less...

Ryouga: So who _is_ your co-pilot?

Tarou(pained): Please don't mention co-pilots.

Ryouga: (blinks) Why?
(At this moment, a scrawny boy with large, dark circles under his eyes
and pale skin walks up to them.)

Gosunkugi: Are you ready to go?  Not that it really matters, since
this is all a trap.  We'll walk right into it and be blown to kingdom
come, the Empire will win, the universe will fall and all hope will be
crushed.

Ryouga: (backing away) Oh...I see...

Tarou(pleading): Don't leave me with him!

Gosunkugi: We've already lost, I don't see the point in fighting...
(The scene changes to show the Tyderian shuttle leaving dock and
heading to the front of the fleet.  In the cockpit, Ryouga is flying
with Ukyou in the co-pilot's seat.  Akane is standing behind them,
glaring at Ranma, who is making rabbit-ears over Ryouga's head.
Tsubasa is sitting at the astrogater's position, Shampoo is gazing
longingly at Ranma, and Mousse is gazing longingly at...Ukyou?...uh,
well, you know who he thinks he's gazing longingly at.)

Tsubasa: Hyperspace calculations complete.

Ukyou: This is shuttle Takahashi; preparing for lightspeed.

Nodoka(over comm): Roger.  Goodbye, and may the Force be with you.
(she said it again!  Pretentious, isn't she?)

Ukyou: And with you.  (she grabs the hyperspace lever) Here we go.
(She pulls it down and the starfield outside becomes starlines, then
the molted rainbow of hyperspace.  After a few moments, it exits
hyperspace and the enormous bulk of the Executor looms into view.
Ranma sits back.)

Ranma: Big.

Ryouga(sarcastic): Naw, it's like a child's toy.

Ukyou: Shh.  Ryouga, keep us steady.  All right, Tsubasa, it's
showtime.

Imperial(over comm): Tyderian shuttle, identify yourself and your
cargo.

Tsubasa(heavy; authoritative tone): This is transport Takahashi,
carrying medical supplies for the forest moon.

Imperial: Acknowledged.  Your cargo manifest checks out.  Please
transmit your clearance code.

Ryouga: Now we find out if that code was worth the price we paid for
it.

Akane: It'll work.  My sister wouldn't betray us.

Tsubasa: Transmitting now.  (hits a button)
(On the bridge of the Executor, Darth Saotome approaches one of the
comm officers.)

Saotome: {Where is that shuttle heading?}

Imperial: The forest moon, sir.  (he gestures at a CGI diagram of the
ship on screen)

Saotome: {Did it transmit the proper clearance codes?}

Imperial: It's an older one, sir, but it checks out.  I was about to
clear them.  Do you want me to hold it?
(Saotome looks away, an expression of concentration on his furred
face.  In the shuttle, Ranma's eyes widen and he nearly topples.)

Ukyou(concerned): Ranchan?  What is it?

Ranma: (deep breath) Saotome.  I can feel him.  He's on the Executor. 

Akane: Can he feel you?

Ranma: (hesitates) Nooo...I'm too weak for him to sense me.

Ukyou: Good.
(Back on the Executor, Saotome growls/chuckles.)

Saotome: {No, let them through.  I shall deal with this personally.}
(turns and walks away)
(Back in the shuttle, everyone is starting to look worried.)

Ukyou(hisses): Stay on course, Ryouga.

Ryouga: (jerks the controls) Sorry.

Akane: This isn't working...

Imperial(over comm): Shuttle Takahashi, you have been cleared.  Stay
on your present course and the shield will be opened.

Tsubasa: Hai.  (shuts down the comm and sighs) That was
nerve-wracking.

Ryouga: Yeah, but now we've got them right where we want them.

Ranma: (steps into the shadows; smiles) Right.
(The scene shifts to a large, dark room.  Numerous scantily-clad women
stand around, and four are arrayed about an easychair-like throne,
feeding Emperor Happousai grapes.  Genma enters.)

Genma: Master?

Happousai: Genma m'boy, how ya doin'?

Genma: Well master, and yourself?

Happousai: Excellent, excellent.  (he leers at one of the girls, who
giggles)

Genma: Master, a small rebel force has infiltrated the forest moon.

Happousai: Hai, I know.

Genma: My son is with them.

Happousai(suddenly interested): He is?  Well, now.  (laughs) Bring him
to me, my pupil.  He shall be one of us within the day.

Genma: (bows) As you wish, master.  (Happousai's laughter echoes
around the chamber)
(Change scenes to a truly ancient forest, with trees as tall as
skyscrapers and as thick as a walker's leg.  The sun filters down
through the leaves with laze indifference to the puny humans below
that sneak along in camouflage gear.  All of the command crew-except
Tsubasa-is there, and they are accompanied by twenty rebel soldiers
toting blaster rifles.  Ranma, who is leading, raises his hand to call
a halt.  Immediately, a bush detaches itself from the forest, sprouts
Tsubasa's head and arms, and approaches.)

Tsubasa: How'd you know where I was?  (Ranma gives him a flat stare)
Oh yeah, that Force thing.

Ukyou: What is it, Tsubasa?

Tsubasa: An Imperial patrol ahead.  Two scout troopers with speeder
bikes.

Ranma: More.

Ukyou: What?

Ranma: When he mentioned a patrol, I felt ahead.  There's more than
two.  At least five, maybe more-but they're scattered.

Ukyou: Fine.  Tsubasa, stay here with the troops.  Ranma, Akane,
Ryouga, Mousse, Shampoo: let's check it out.
(They sneak up to the top of a ridge and look down.  In a tiny
clearing below, two troopers are examining a fallen tree, their bikes
hovering nearby like anxious dogs.)

Mousse: I don't see mmrblp!  (Shampoo puts a hand over his mouth and
frowns)

Shampoo(hisses): Quiet, Mousse.

Ukyou: Where are the others, Ranchan?

Ranma: I can't tell for sure.  Not too far...but not near either.
Within shouting distance.

Ukyou: Okay.  Going around would take too long.  Let's take them out
quietly.

Ryouga: I'll do it.  

Ranma: Don't get lost on the way down.  (smirks)
(Shaking with suppressed fury, Ryouga walks down the rise as silently
as a passing breeze, using the bushes for cover.  He reaches the
bottom, and inches towards the first trooper.  He takes a careful step
forward...and with a loud snap, steps on a twig.  The trooper spins,
his blaster coming up.  With no other choice, Ryouga activates his
Brella and swings, sending the trooper flying across the clearing.
The other guard leaps onto his speeder bike and takes off as the
others rush down the hill.)

Ukyou: He's getting away!

Mousse: Oh no he isn't!
(Mousse sweeps his arm and launches a bolo which neatly wraps up the
trooper.  The Imperial screams, unable to reach his controls, and the
bike swerves into a tree and explodes.)

Ranma: (points) More!
(Everybody turns and sees two more troopers staring at the scene.
They leap onto their bikes and take off.  Akane runs to the remaining
bike.)

Akane: I'll get them!

Ranma: Akane!  Wait!  
(He manages to jump onto the back of the bike as Akane streaks off.
They fly into the forest after the two troopers, sweeping around the
huge trees and barely clearing the undergrowth.)

Ranma: Jam them!  Centre switch!

Akane: Got it.

Ranma: Now hold on.  (concentrates)

Akane: For what?
(Ranma activates his lightsabre and points it behind them.)

Ranma: For this.
(The sabre crackles and then extends in a quick blast of light, which
works like an afterburner, sending Akane and Ranma parallel to the
nearest trooper.)

Trooper: Get lost!
(He bangs his bike against Akane's.  Ranma swings his lightsabre while
the soldier is nearby and nearly decapitatates him.  The trooper falls
off and Ranma leaps over, shutting down his sabre in mid-jump.  He
takes control of the bike.

Akane: Not bad.

Ranma: Better than any tomboy could do.

Akane: (shakes a fist angrily at him) Baka!  Concentrate on the chase!
(She looks forward, and barely swerves out of the way of a low tree
limb.  Ranma smirks.)

Ranma: Speak for yourself.
(The two streak past an especially large tree, and the two troopers
that had been hiding behind it give chase.)

Ranma: We've got company.  You stay with this one, I'll take out these
two.
(He pulls a lever, and suddenly his forward momentum falls to a
snail's pace, giving the impression of him flying backwards past the
two pursuers.  He quickly pushes the lever back up and chases them.
Akane's quarry pulls sharply to the side and she follows him.  Ranma,
however, is forced to go after his two, who fly straight.  He fires at
them, but they are moving too fast for him to aim properly.)

Ranma: So you want to play with speed?  Fine.  I'll show you speed!
(leans forward) TENSHIN AMAGURIKEN FIRING TECHNIQUE!
(His fingers blur on the firing trigger, and the blaster at the front
of the speeder begins to unleash a near-continuous stream of red bolts
that strafe on of the speeders, blasting it to pieces.  Ranma chuckles
evilly and flies past the wreckage.  The other trooper is now pouring
on the speed.  Ranma continues the chase, and slowly starts to catch
up.  In desperation, the trooper swings back his pistol and fires.  A
lucky shot hits the vehicle-mounted blaster and sends it flying away.
Ranma grits his teeth and slows down considerably to make up for the
lost weight.  The trooper also slows down, and turns his bike around.
Increasing his speed, he bears down on Ranma like a comet.  Ranma
frowns and punches forward on the accelerator, than leaps up to stand
on his bike, lightsabre humming.  The tow flash towards each other in
a supersonic game of chicken.  The Imperial lets loose with three
quick blasts form his blaster cannon, all of which Ranma easily
parries with his lightsabre.  Realizing his error, the trooper tries
desperately to turn aside, but Ranma leaps with a cry, allowing his
bike to plow into the ground and explode.  He hangs in the air
briefly, then slashes the trooper and lands precariously on the back
of the bike.  Unfortunately, the dead Imperial flops back, hits Ranma,
and sends him tumbling off.  The bike collides with a tree and
explodes as Ranma flies over the top of a steep ridge.  He hits the
ground and begins to tumble down the incline, crying out in pain as he
strikes several rocks and unyielding plants.  He tumbles one final
time, then flies over a short drop into a stream, smashing his head
against a rock as he lands.  He-now a she-falls unconscious, floating
face up in the water.  Meanwhile, Akane is still chasing her opponent
through the woods.  She grimaces, and is forced to spin her bike
around as the trooper performs a half loop and lands behind her thanks
to a hollowed log.  She lets loose with a blast, but it goes wide.
The Imperial pulls around, fires a blast, and spins to the side.  The
blast skims Akane's fuselage, and she is forced to turn in the
opposite direction.  The Imperial spins around, and is now chasing
her.  He quickly fires three times, but all go wide.  Akane
concentrates on twisting, turning and dodging in a vain attempt to
lose her pursuer.  Then she sees a low-hanging branch ahead.)

Akane: [I've got an idea...]
(Working quickly, she unrolls some rope from her belt, swings it over
her head and tosses it around the branch.  With a yank, she pulls
herself from her seat and flies up in a wide arc as her bike spins to
its death.  The trooper passes underneath the branch, and she flips
over it and down at the trooper from behind, her feet extended.  Then,
a cry of triumph, she...misses completely as he moves out of range.
Akane proceeds to spin around, and around, and around, and...you get
the picture.  The Imperial bursts out laughing as Akane ends up
throughly tied to the tree limb, forgets to look where he's going, and
crashes straight into a tree.  Akane kicks feebly.)

Akane: Great, just great.  Now how am I supposed to get down?  (there
is a ponderous crack) Uh oh...
(The limb snaps off, sending them both to the ground and raising a
healthy amount of dust.)

Akane: Ow...
(The scene switches back to the original clearing, where the rebels
wait.  Everyone is lying around, looking bored and somewhat concerned.
Finally, Ryouga leaps to his feet.)

Ryouga: That's it, I'm going after her!

Ukyou: Sit down, Ryouga.  There's somebody coming.

Ryouga(grumbles): It's probably Ranma.

Ukyou: Shhh!
(If Ukyou was worried about alerting any possible enemies, she needn't
have bothered, as the approaching person is making enough noise to
cover the approach of several elephants.  Then, into the clearing
walks a giant...branch?)

Ryouga: Akane?
(Yes it is Akane, still tied to the tree limb and now dragging her new
accessory along.  She growls, low and dangerously.)

Mousse: Princess...did you know that you have a...
(Akane turns, absently plowing Mousse to the ground with the branch.)

Akane(sweetly): I have a _what_, Mousse?

Ukyou: Uh...Akane, how...?

Akane: (low growl) I'd rather not talk about it.

Ryouga: Why didn't Ranma cut you free?

Akane: He wasn't around.

Ryouga: That...that cad!  How dare he abandon you tied to a tree limb!

Akane: I wasn't tied to it at the time, Ryouga.

Ryouga: So?  That still doesn't excuse him from...

Akane: Wait a minute.  You mena Ranma isn't here yet?

Ukyou: No...

Akane(concerned): He went off alone against two...

Ukyou: (frowns) We'll send out search parties right away.

Shampoo: Aiya!  Shampoo go find Ranma!

Mousse(dazed): Shampoo, don't leave me...

Tsubasa/tree: I'll help too! [Maybe now I can get rid of him!]

Ukyou: Hai, we'll leave immediately.

Ryouga: (sighs) Fine, we'll go find Ranma.
(The rebels begin to move off in different directions.  Akane blinks.)

Akane: Hey!  Could somebody get this thing off my back?!
(Switch scenes to the depths of space, where the Black Rose floats in
relative inactivity.  In her quarters, Vice-Admiral Kodachi is decking
herself out in commando gear.  She picks up her ribbon and snaps it
once, easily smashing a vase.  There is a beep, and General Sasuke
walks in.)

Sasuke: Your transport is ready, mistress.

Kodachi: (smiles evilly) Excellent.  Soon, Sasuke.  Soon we shall not
only have control of the Happoudaikarin, but we will have destroyed
those fools Saotome and Harkov as well.  Ohohohohohoho!

Sasuke: Mistress, perhaps you should reconsider.  We need you here.

Kodachi: No, Sasuke.  I must.  It is the only hope for our beloved
Empire.  (begins to leave) Victory _will_ be mine!
OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!
(Back to Endor, the stream in which Ranma-chan rests...err...well,
lies in mid-numbing agony, at least.  She groans.)

Ranma-chan: Ohhh...my head... (she opens her eyes and blinks,
surprised to find a flint-tipped spear pointed at her throat.)  Wha...
(A creature stands above her.  It stands no taller than an eight-year
old child, and looks like a cross between one and a teddy bear.  It
wears a green hood, decorated with teeth and tiny animal skulls.  And,
of course, it is carrying a crude wooden spear which it is pointing
menacingly at Ranma-chan.  The creature begins to chitter excitedly in
an unknown language.)

Ranma-chan: Look pal, (shoves the spear away) I don't have time for...
(The creature chitters angrily and jabs the spear at her, nicking her
stomach.  Ranma-chan winces and backs away.)

Ranma-chan: Okay, okay, I get it.  (grabs her head) Oh man, that was
nasty.  (pats her side; eyes widen) My lightsabre!  (leaps up) Where's
my lightsabre, you little...
(The creature begins to attack, but Ranma-chan easily catches the
spear, yanks it from the its hands and thrusts it into the ground.
The creature backs away fearfully.)

Ranma-chan: Would you cut it out with that thing?  I'm not in the
mood.  (looks around) Now where's my...
(The creature skitters away, startling Ranma-chan.  She mutters under
her breath, then stops dead as she hears an ominous click behind her.
The view shifts slightly, and we see three Imperial scouts pointing
blaster rifles at her back.)

Trooper: Don't move!

Ranma-chan: I wasn't planning on it... (slowly raises her hands) [I'm
still too weak to use the Force...yet.] I give up.

Trooper#1: Uh...good... (more confident) That's right, of course you
give up!

Ranma-chan: Mind if I turn around?

Trooper#1: (looks at his comrades as if confirming their presence) Go
ahead, but slowly.
(Ranma-chan turns around and gives the troopers a dazzling smile.)

Ranma-chan: Hiya boys...I seem to have gotten lost.  Could you tell me
where the bathroom is?

Trooper#2: Bathroom?

Trooper#1: What are you talking about, lady?

Ranma-chan: (look of wide-eyed innocence) You mean this isn't the
Forestland amusement park?  Oh, I'm terribly sorry... (under breath) I
told dad those weren't the right coordinates...
(The three troopers exchange confused glances, then look back at her.)

Trooper#1: You're going to have to come with us, miss.

Ranma-chan: (takes a few tentative steps forward; relieved) Oh thank
you, thank you, you're such a kind (step) sweet (step; she is now
almost upon them) trusting fool.
(She snaps out her palm and smashes the first trooper's face mask,
knocking him instantly  unconscious.  As he begins to fall, she grabs
him and uses him as a shield to block the second trooper's blaster
bolt.  With a cry, she tosses the corpse at the second trooper and
they both tumble from view.  She spins to face the third trooper, and
sees him jumping onto a speeder bike.  She snarls and starts to run
forward, but the trooper has already activated the bike, and is know
moving too fast to catch.  Suddenly, a spear flies from a bush and
strikes the trooper.  He screams, and the bike veers into a tree and
explodes.)

Ranma-chan: Huh?
(She looks at the spear she stuck into the ground.  It is gone.  At
that point, the creature emerges from the bushes and approaches the
mystified Ranma-chan, chittering like an insane chipmunk.)

Ranma-chan: Maybe you're not all that bad, little fella.
(The "little fella" bows with a flourish.  Ranma-chan smiles and
shakes her head.  The creature gestures excitedly towards the woods,
and she frowns.)

Ranma-chan: You want me (points at herself) to go (makes walking
motions with her fingers) with you?  (she points at him; the creature
nods happily) Sorry, fella.  I got friends...
(The creature jumps up and down, shaking his head and pointing into
the distance.)

Ranma-chan: Listen... (he grabs her hand and yanks her) Okay, okay,
I'll come!  (shakes head) This is pathetic... (stops) I almost forgot.
(We see the two troopers lying near a bush.  One is quite dead, a
blaster burn on his back.  The other slowly shakes his head.
Suddenly, the bush parts and Ranma-chan steps in.  She straddles the
live trooper, pointing a blaster rifle at his face.)

Ranma-chan: Hiya, pal.

Trooper#2: Eep...

Ranma-chan: I just want you to know one thing...
(We see the creature standing several feet from the bush which
conceals Ranma-chan and the Imperial.  Suddenly, there is the screech
of a blaster and the creature jumps.  After a moment, Ranma-chan
emerges form the bushes, a pleased look on her face.)

Ranma-chan: Let's get going, little guy.
(The scene now shows...leprechauns, tiny green leprechauns dancing
around tossing technicolor sausages down that itsy-bitsy neon pink
marmoset's throat... *whack* Sorry.  That's the last time I let my
doped-up cousin near the keyboard.  Actually, the scene shows the
forest of Endor, where the rebels are searching for Ranma.  Ukyou is
scanning the area {we temporarily see through her cybernetic
macrobinocular vision for effect} but sees nothing of note.  Ryouga,
Akane, Shampoo and Mousse approach.)

Ukyou: Well?

Ryouga: Those biker crashes back there are the only signs of people.

Shampoo: No find Ranma.  He lost?

Mousse(hopefully): It _is_ possible he didn't survive the battle.

Akane: Are you kidding?  Ranma's Jedi powers are more than a match for
a few Imperials.

Ukyou(frowns; worried): Even Jedi have their limits.

Ryouga: I should know.  I've been trying to use my Jedi powers to find
my way around lately, and I've been...less than successful.

Akane: But you're not as trained as Ranma is!

Ryouga(hurt): No...I'm not.

Tsubasa(from down the hill): Hey!  I found something!

Ukyou(shouts): Good or bad?

Tsubasa: (walking up) You tell me.
(He holds out his palm.  In it rests Ranma's lightsabre.  Ukyou
gasps.)

Akane(softly): No...

Shampoo: Is Ranma's brightsword?

Ryouga: Lightsabre.  Yes, it is.  Ranma would never go anywhere
without it.

Akane: No!  (shakes her head) He just forgot it, that's all!

Ukyou: (closes her eyes tightly; begins to shake) Nodoka drilled that
into his head too well.  What about the area around it?

Tsubasa: There was one trooper body nearby, and a blown-up speeder...I
can't tell what was on it when it exploded...or who...

Akane: (backhands Tsubasa, sending him flying) NO!  (tears) Ranma's
alive!  (softly) He has to be alive...

Ryouga: (tone of carefully constructed concern) Akane...sometimes
these things happen...

Ukyou(angry): I don't think this is the time or place, Ryouga.  Let's
circle around (clenches her fist) and see if we can find any tracks.

Shampoo: Hai, then we find Ranma.

Tsubasa: (climbing to his feet; smirks) I doubt it.

Ukyou: (snaps out her spatula; then slowly retracts it) Even so, if
the Empire did...(stops) They'll have left.  Maybe they left tracks we
can follow.

Mousse: And if they used speeder bikes?

Ukyou: Then we hurry, because the Empire knows we're here.

Ryouga: (snaps up his head) Wait... (points into the distance) That
way.  There's something...

Ukyou: Are you sure.  Maybe it's just a headache.

Ryouga(angry): Hey!  I don't make fun of you, you overgrown waffle
iron!

Ukyou: (eyes glow blood red) Why you...

Tsubasa: (throws arms protectively in front of himself) Aaaah!  Don't
hurt me!

Ukyou: (blinks) No, I'm mad at Ryouga...oh well.  (smashes Tsubasa
over the head; the transvestite collapses) Now where were we?

Mousse: Ukyou, Ryouga, don't fight.  We have to think of the bigger
picture.  Remember, tomorrow the rebel fleet will be here, and if we
haven't taken down that shield...

Ukyou: (sighs) You're right, Mousse.  (pauses) Did I really just say
that?  (rolls here eyes) We've got to think about the mission first.

Shampoo: But what about Ranma?  (stern) Shampoo no leave husband!

Ukyou(equally stern): We'll take a chance on Ryouga.  Maybe he's
actually using his powers and not having a migraine.  (Ryouga snorts)
But only for ten minutes.  Then we go to the generator.

Akane: Agreed.

Shampoo: (after a pause) Okay.  Shampoo think is good idea.
(We see the group walking through a stretch of forest.  Ukyou checks
her chronometer.)

Ukyou: It's been nearly ten minutes, and no sign of Ranchan or his
tracks.

Ryouga: (frowns) No...just a bit further.

Ukyou: (sighs) Fine.  Let's just hope we find something.

Mousse and Tsubasa(mutter): Yeah, sure, whatever.
(They step into a clearing which is covered by freshly fallen leaves.
In the centre, a rotting carcass is tied to a tree by a rope.
Everyone walks in curiously.)

Ukyou: A side of BEEF?!?  (puts her hands on her hips) Ryouga, maybe
you should _feed_ your Force powers from time to time.
(Akane approaches the carcass, her eyes brimming with curiosity.)

Ryouga: Okay Ukyou, you haven't missed a chance to mock my powers
since I discovered them.  Do you have a problem with me or what?

Tsubasa: Hey!  (Runs to Ryouga and points at him) You can't talk like
that to Ukyou-sama!

Ryouga: Stay out of this.  (he whacks Tsubasa out of the way)

Tsubasa: Wooo, wook at te wity staaars... (collapse)

Ukyou: Hai, I have a problem with you, Ryouga.  You tout around your
Jedi powers like you're some kind of privileged chosen one, and we're
all not fit to exist in the same galaxy as you.

Ryouga: That isn't true!  If anyone does that, it's Ranma!

Ukyou: And that's another thing, you're constantly bad-mouthing Ranma.
You have no right to do that.  You haven't been through what he has,
so lay off of him.
(Shampoo, who has been watching the confrontation with interest, looks
over at Akane, who is reaching towards the carcass.  Her eyes widen.)

Shampoo: Akane, NO!!!
(Akane either doesn't hear or ignores Shampoo's warning.  Her hand
touched the carcass, and instantly everyone finds themselves dangling
several metres off the ground in a net made of thick rope.)

Ukyou(dripping sarcasm): _Great_ going, Akane.  Just great.

Akane: Hey!

Ryouga: Don't blame Akane!  It wasn't her fault!

Ukyou: Oh?  And whose fault was it?

Ryouga: I'm not going to argue about...

Ukyou: Because it's true, maybe?

Ryouga: I'll just use my Brella.
(There is a hiss and several exclamations of pain.)

Shampoo: Ow!  Shampoo think he pulp train-vest-eat's face.

Ukyou: How about that.  He has his uses after all.

Ryouga: Hey!  I'm going to get us out of here...

Ukyou: How?  With your "Jedi powers"?

Mousse: I don't think this is the time or place to...

Everybody else: Shut up, Mousse!

Mousse: Geez, sorrrrry...

Ukyou: Look.  Let's just get out of here.

Akane: I have a knife...  (sawing sounds)

Shampoo: No Akane!

Ukyou: Here we go again...
(The bottom of the net gives way and they fall to the ground in a
jumbled mass of tangled limbs.)

Everyone: Ow!
(They all try to disentangle themselves at once, with limited success.
Finally, Ryouga pops out of the group and lands on his back.  He looks
up...and stops.)

Ryouga: Uh...people...
(Everyone looks around.  Surrounding them on all sides, and wielding a
plethora of spears, is a legion of multi-coloured furry cre-okay,
enough already!  You know they're Ewoks, I know they're Ewoks,
EVERYBODY knows they're Ewoks!!!  There, they are Ewoks!  Ewoks!
Sheesh.  Everyone stops.)

Mousse: I think we're in trouble.

Shampoo: You good at say obvious, Mousse.
(An Ewok points his spear at Ryouga, who grabs it, snaps it in his
hand and flips to his feet, blaster drawn.  However, the three dozen
or so spears that are instantly shoved within an inch of his face
convince him to sit down again.  Slowly, everyone untangles themselves
as the Ewoks look on with menacing stares.  Pulling herself free,
Ukyou steps forward.)

Ukyou: Now what's going on?
(The Ewoks stare at her, and start jabbering among themselves.
Suddenly, they begin to drop to their knees and start to bow, while
uttering a low, rhythmic chant.  Everyone looks at each other.)

Ukyou: Huh?

Mousse: Hmm.  (adjusts his optics) They appear to be performing a
ritual chant.

Ukyou: I can _see_ that.

Mousse: My guess would be that...they think you're a...well, god.

Ukyou: A god?!?  (self-effacing) How flattering.  I've been called a
lot of things, but a god?

Ryouga: Well, why don't you use your "godly" powers to get us out of
here?

Ukyou(scathing): What do I look like?  A protocol droid?
(Meanwhile, Mousse is helping Shampoo up.)

Mousse: Are you all right, my darling Shampoo? 
(She smashes him in the face, and he collapses.)

Shampoo: Am now.

Ukyou: I can't speak all that many languages, and certainly not
theirs.

Akane: Well _somebody_ has to speak their language.

Shampoo: Maybe Shampoo translate?

Ukyou: Well, can you?

Shampoo: (after a moment) No, Shampoo no hear before.  (brightens) But
Mousse used to be good languages!
(Ukyou glances at Mousse's unconscious form.)

Ukyou(dryly): Any other options?
(A few Ewoks step forward and begin to paw at Ukyou.  She slaps their
hands away.)

Ukyou(indignant): Do you _mind_?!?  Haven't you ever heard of godly
decency?

Akane: Godly?

Ryouga: She's finally snapped.  I knew it would eventually happen...

Ukyou: Quiet mortal, or I shall smite you!

Ryouga: Smite?  How do you smite somebody, exactly?

Ukyou: I'm not sure...I think it involves thunderbolts.

Akane: Wouldn't they fry your circuits?
(The Ewoks have sent forward more of their number, who are picking up
the unconscious forms of Mousse and Tsubasa.)

Ukyou: Could you throw the girl off a cliff for me?

Ryouga(confused): What girl?  (suddenly angry) You don't mean AKANE?!?
(snarls) I won't let you!  (activates his Brella) To think your
obsession with that fool Ranma has gone _this_ far!

Ukyou(calmly): You're an idiot, Ryouga.
(About two dozen Ewoks suddenly rush forward and tackle Ryouga to the
ground.  He cries out in shock as his Brella is knocked away.  Ukyou
blinks.)

Ukyou: (waving her arms) No!  No!  We were just kidding around!  You
don't have to...
(As Ryouga struggles, more Ewoks jump Akane and Shampoo-the latter
lasting considerably longer than the former.  Others pick up Ukyou and
begin to carry her on their shoulders.)

Ryouga: Let Akane go!

Ukyou(furious): Put me down this instant, you fuzzballs!

Akane: What are they going to do with us?
(The Ewoks are now carrying the entire group into the woods.)

Ukyou: How am I supposed to know?

Ryouga: This is all your fault, Ranma!

Ukyou(incredulously): _How_ is it his fault?!?

Ryouga: If _he_ hadn't disappeared, we wouldn't have gone looking for
him and...

Ukyou: Shut up, Ryouga!
(The scene changes to the depths of space.  As we watch, an Imperial
TIE fighter with some sort of coil on the bottom flies into view.  In
the cockpit we see Kodachi, her face fierce and eyes alight with
anticipation and more than a little insanity.)

Kodachi: [Good.  The fools haven't detected me yet.  Now I simply have
to use my peerless skills to sneak aboard the Happoudaikarin, find my
way to the reactor, take it over, and use the battle station to
conquer the galaxy.  No problem.]
(She laughs megalomaniacally as the scene does a rapid zoom away from
her and her TIE fighter, across space to the Happoudaikarin, and down
to the forest moon.  It is night on Endor.  High up in the trees,
shadows play across dozens of bridges connecting the trees.  We see a
large bonfire, fed by large logs tossed in by excited Ewoks.  An
echoing horn blares as we see there is a fairly large platform built
into the space between three large trees.  A plethora of Ewoks dance
about, their beady black eyes glittering in the light from the fire.
The Ewoks wall then parts as the captured rebels are brought in.  They
are all tied to large logs, save Ukyou, who is being carried in a
crude wooden throne.  She is frowning, and has her arms crossed.  Two
Ewoks approach a nearby hut.  They enter, and are immediately sent
flying out again.  A voice cries out from inside.)

Voice: If you think I'm going out there in _this_, you're insane!

Ukyou(surprised): _Ranchan_?!?

Voice: Huh?
(Abruptly, Ranma-chan steps out of the hut.  Everybody blinks.  Her
hair has been done so that it falls down behind her in a sheet of
molten sunfire, with several feet mysteriously added.  She is wearing
a flowing, low-cut robe, slit along one side to show her leg.)

Ryouga: Damn.  He's still alive.

Ranma-chan: Good to see you too, Ryouga.  I see we're having roast
pork for dinner.
(Ryouga strains at his bonds, baring his fangs and growling
menacingly.)

Akane: Ranma?  What are you doing here?

Shampoo: And why you dress like that?

Ranma-chan(looks down): Oh, this.  (grits teeth) They put me in it,
the little hentai's...

Ukyou: (smiles) Don't worry, Ranchan.  I'm sure we'll have you back to
normal in no time.

Akane: Ranma, can you communicate with these things?

Ranma-chan: Sort of...I can sort of tell what they mean thanks to my
Force powers, but...

Akane: What do they plan on doing with us?

Ranma-chan: Let me check.  (turns to an Ewok; halting tone)
What...do...you...plan...for...my... friends?
(The Ewok frowns, then taps it's skull-topped staff on the ground and
jabbers rapidly.)

Ranma-chan(calmly): They're going to cook you... (pauses; shocked)
They're going to COOK you?!?

Akane(sweetly): That's nice...now why don't you (explode) RESCUE US
YOU BAKA!!!

Ranma-chan: (puts her hands on her hips) What do you expect me to do?
Fight the whole tribe?

Ryouga: Don't worry, Akane. _I'll_ rescue you.

Ranma-chan: And what do _you_ plan on doing, Ryouga?  Spitting at
them?

Ryouga: At least I'd be _trying_, unlike _some_ people!
(Ukyou puts her head in her hands and shakes it slowly.)

Ranma-chan: Maybe I'll let them cook you!  I feel like bacon!

Akane: Ranma!  Ryouga!  Be quiet and think of a way out of this!

Ranma-chan: Stay out of this, Akane.  It's none of your business.

Akane: None of my business?  I'm about to be prepared for your dinner
and it's none of my BUSINESS?!?

Ranma-chan: At least there's one good thing about this.

Akane: Oh?  And _what_ is that?

Ranma-chan: _You_ aren't doing the cooking.  Now _that_ would be
spine-chilling.
(Akane's eyes become blazing balls of molten magma and her voice takes
on a demonic edge.)

Akane: WHY YOU JERK!
(She bursts from her bonds, land