The internet is often described as a superhighway, a web, or even as series of connections between millions of minds all across the globe.

We prefer to think of it as a swamp. A swamp that every third-rate sycophant with an net connection can pour their mental excrement into until the whole thing becomes a giant steaming pile of stinking human thought and pornography.

Some of the things which bubble forth from this toxic miasma are so cool you can only stand in awe and think, "My god! This is proof humanity needs to be the subject of mass euthanasia!"

Being gleeful contributors to this sorry state of affairs, we feel the need to point out some of the more enjoyable sites of this nature.

Furious George And The Cross-Country Crime Spree

Very few things bring back the happy memories of childhood like fondly encountering our favorite old storybook characters. Very few things remind us of our childhood like hearing about mindless homicidal rampages and acts of drunken atrocity.

Thankfully, some kind soul has combined the two concepts for us. Now you too can sit around all day pretending you're a child again and lose yourself in nostalgic feelings of brutal killing, theft, arson and terrorism. (sniff) Thank you, George. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, which I cut still beating from my brother's chest...thank you.

Giant Battle Monsters

Epsilon is a Collosal Bee that can Phase in and out of Existence and Leap Great Distances, is Radioactive, and has Huge, Sharp Claws.

Blade is a Giant Bee that is Covered with a Thick Slime and in League with Dark Forces, and has a Humorous Nephew Sidekick, a Toughened Steel Skeleton and an Extra Head.

It's a tie!

Things Other People Accomplished When They Were Your Age

Epsilon: We here at C&A Productions have one major goal: To Crush Your Soul!

Blade: Well, actually, we'd like to just get stuff published and actually make some money, thus vindicating ourselves and proving that we weren't REALLY wasting our lives for the last decade, just engaging in very thorough preparation time. But we figure crushing your souls will lower your expectations of quality and thus make it easier for us to get published, sooooo...

Epsilon: On that note, we present here the very best way to accomplish our goal. Click the link. Type your current age in the space provided and click the magic button.

Blade: ... Hey, they're not doing it.

Epsilon: Of course, we have yet to come up with a way to -make- people do this, so we are still refining the plan.

Blade: Curses! Foiled again!