Ani-chan in Futureland

                    C&A Productions Presents

   A Decidedly Non-Serious Work of Yuu Yuu hakusho Fanfiction

                     Ani-chan in Futureland

                         By Chris McNeil

(Scene: a forest.  A rather nice, pleasant-looking forest, the
type of forest that is overflowing with picturesque green glades
and cheerfully babbling brooks, far away from the noisy,
overcrowded confines of civilization.  A place of peace, where
any person might go for a picnic or hike, or even just to relax,
if it weren't for two minor, bothersome details.  First, the
forest rested in the Demon World, which was not noted as a
popular spot for normal people looking for peace and quiet.
Second, even were such a person to come along, the peace was
currently being shattered by peal upon peal of megalomaniacal
laughter.  Having nothing better to do, we zoom in on the source
of the incessant noise and see  Of sorts.  The man is
slim yet muscular, and clothed in plain black pants and loafers,
both of which have seen decidedly better days.  His glossy black
hair is long and stringy, a little mussed from some recent
exertion.  Despite his rather ragged looks, the man seems
somehow...dangerous, so that anyone looking upon would feel
distinctly uneasy.  Of course, they would probably feel a lot
more uneasy if it weren't for the fact that the man stands
approximately two feet tall.)

(The man-Toguro Ani, for the benefit of those who didn't
know-switches from uproarious laughter to an outburst of furious
coughing, which continues for several moments.  Finally, with an
irritated look, the man...melts.  Or at least that is what he
appears to do, as the structure of his body seems to become
liquid, allowing him to ooze into the ground.  A moment later he
emerges from a spot a few feet away, swiftly resuming his former
shape.  After clearing his throat a couple of times, the tiny
shape-shifter shakes a fist at the sky in rage.)

Ani: Damnable (cough) plant is still stuck in my throat.  (he
giggles) Well, that'll be fixed soon enough.  And then, Kurama,
you pitiful, worthless excuse for a demon, I'll take my REVENGE!
(he cackles megalomaniacally for a few minutes; then finally
regains his breath and continues) You thought you could keep me
there forever, but you forgot that I'm immortal and that
miserable plant was NOT!  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...look at
me when I'm speaking to you, worm!
(Holding up one hand, Ani smirks as it reforms into a perfect
likeness of Kurama, which obligingly cowers before the wrath of
the pint-sized demon.)

Ani: Yes, cower, you snivelling fool!  Be afraid, because I'm
going to kill you!  You, and every one of your friends!  (his
other hand forms into a buff-looking man with a crew cut and
stylish sunglasses) And I'll kill you too, you worthless,
traitorous, pathetic excuse for a brother!  (he pauses for a
moment, frowning) No, wait, he's already dead, isn't he...oh
well, I'll kill you anyway!
(The miniature versions of Kurama and the buff guy-Toguro
Ototo-begin beating each other up, which is abruptly ended as a
miniature {but not by much} Toguro Ani grows out of Toguro Ani's
chest and extends a bunch of spikes, skewering both of the
combatants.  Both Anis then cackle in unison.)

Ani: (after a moment) But there's no time for this.  (the various
"people" reform back into their appropriate body parts) After
all, all play and no work means less people dying horribly!  (he
giggles insanely)


(Scene: the interior of a hospital, this one apparently in the
human world.  Toguro Ani is walking down the hall, having in the
interim apparently managed to repair his clothing, as he now
sports a spiffy night-blue trenchcoat and slacks.  He is also,
somewhat unsurprisingly, giggling.  In fact, one receives the
impression that it is entirely possible he hasn't stopped
giggling since we last saw him in the demon world.)

Ani: Soon...heh heh heh...very, very soon...hee hee...
(As he walks, a young nurse comes up and looks at him with

Nurse: Sir...umm...are you looking for someone?

Ani: (glances at her) You're not really much...but I suppose I
should always warm up before I play.
(He giggles again, prompting her to blink, than languorously
draws a hand from the trenchcoat pocket.  Instantly his slender
fingers extend, flatten and slash out, neatly slicing the nurse
into about a dozen pieces.  As she hits the ground, a little
blood splashes on Ani's sleeve.  He looks at it with a frown.)

Ani: How sloppy...but I suppose I've gotten a little rusty over
the last...hmm... (he turns to the head of the nurse) What year
is it, anyway?  (unsurprisingly, the nurse does not reply; Ani
sniffs) How rude.  (his fingers extend once more, but this time
they just grab the nurse's head by the hair and toss it out a
nearby window; screams come from below) Oh well, I suppose I'll
have to ask my dear friend Kuwabara...I'll have to remember to do
before I cut out his tongue!  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Sick and weak, you will be helpless!  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  (he
abruptly calms down, although he is still giggling) I do so love
it when they're helpless...
(As he cackles to himself, he glances up at the nearby doors, and
smiles evilly.  Just as he walks up to it, two doctors walk out,
shaking their heads.  One of them looks down at the tiny demon.)

Doctor1: Are you here to see Mr. Kazama, then?

Ani: (giggles) You could say that...he -is- here, isn't he?

Doctor2: Yes he is...but I'm afraid it's too late...

Ani: (blinks) Too...late... (suddenly, his neck stretches,
bringing his still-tiny head up to eye level with the doctor)
(Th object of his yell is frozen to the spot by shock and fear;
not so the other doctor, who screams in terror and beings running
down the hall.  Without looking, Ani lifts his hand and points at
the fleeing human; the index finger extends to rather neatly
punctures the back of the doctor's skull.  It then continues on
to stick through his forehead like a grotesque unicorn's horn,
before the demon retracts it and lets the body flop to the
ground.  The remaining doctor swallows.  Hard.)

Ani: (deadly quiet) What do you mean by "too late"?  Tell me the
truth, and I'll let you live...

Doctor2: Umm...yes...well, that is...Mr. Kazama...umm...just now
passed away...a stroke.  (Ani frowns; the doctor swallows again
and hastily continues) Tragic, but it couldn't be helped...he WAS
one hundred and twenty-three, after all, and sometimes people,
well...they just die...

Ani(hisses): I don't believe you.

Doctor2: Ahh!  That is, umm...well, come inside and I'll show
(The doctor hurriedly rushes inside the room; Ani follows and
sees a person lying on the bed within.  He seems to be in very
good shape, but is also very old...his face is a mass of
wrinkles, and only a few wisps of stark-white hair still cling to
his scalp.  His eyes are closed, and a slightly goofy grin is on
his face.  He is also not breathing.)

Doctor2: So, you see...I was telling the truth.  So, if you'll
excuse me, I' going now... (Ani looks at him, smiling
evilly) Uh...that is...but you said...
(Ani's hand lashes out, the fingers flattening into blades and
hissing downwards.  There is a moment of silence, and then the
doctor falls to both sides, sliced like a loaf of bread.)

Ani: I said I'd let you live...I never said for how long.  (he
giggles; then frowns) Besides, you lied to me.  (he sneers at
Kuwabara's body) He obviously sensed my coming and died of
fright.  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Well, then, the first
stage of my revenge is over.  And as long as I'm here...hee hee
hee...there is another whom I will pay a visit to...


(Scene: a dojo, some time later.  The lights are dim, but after a
moment we can make out a hunched-over figure kneeling in the
middle of the room.  He appears to be mumbling something.)

Figure: (grumblemumbledamnfloorsarecoldinthemorningsgrumble)
(The doorbell rings, and the figure stands up, slowly, with some
more muttering.  He is aged and stooped, clutching a gnarled cane
to help his faltering steps.  As he slowly shuffles towards the
door, it suddenly crashes inward, revealing the sinister-if
short-silhouette of Toguro Ani {you were expecting maybe Hiei?},
who promptly cackles megalomaniacally.)

Ani: (after pausing for breath) We meet again, Urameshi Yuusuke!
Pray to whatever gods you believe in, for your wretched existence
ends today!

Yuusuke: (cocking his head) Ehh?  Can you speak up there, sonny?

Ani(sneers): How pathetic, you humans, to fade away to nothing
like this.  The slow wasting will no doubt have prepared you for
the hideous torments you shall soon suffer.  (giggles) Now,
prepare to die horribly, Urameshi!
(The diminutive shape-shifter leaps at Yuusuke, his hands
reforming into wicked-looking blades.  The old man blinks, then
with surprising swiftness raises his cane to ward off the
assault.  Ani cackles and swings viciously as the cane arcs
towards him...and explodes, organs both internal and external
raining all over the room in a rather disgusting fashion.
Yuusuke looks around with a faintly peeved expression.)

Yuusuke: I suppose I'll have to clean all this up, too...lazy,
good-for-nothing kids...
(Meanwhile, Ani's head, having bounced off the wall, rolls across
the floor, gently bumping into what appears to be his pancreas
before coming to a halt by Yuusuke's foot.  It looks -extremely-

Ani: URAMESHI!  If I could feel pain, that would have HURT, you

Yuusuke: Eh? (looks down) Oh, it's you again.  You seem familiar
for some reason...oh yeah!  You're that Saburou brother, aren't

Ani: (eyes bulging out in fury...literally) That's TOGURO, you
worthless human scum!

Yuusuke: (nods) Right, time no see.  Been
so long since I got visitors...

Ani: I'm not a visitor!  I'm here to destroy you!

Yuusuke: Nah, don't think you want to do that...maybe wait till
the grandkids come home if you want to train...

Ani: I don't -want- to train, you senile old fool!  I want to
kill you!

Yuusuke: Oh.  (pauses) Shouldn't you be after Kuwabara, then?  I
heard he was at the hospital again, and I think he still
trains...still a kid, after all these years...

Ani: (cackles megalomaniacally, then realises it looks weird
coming from a disembodied head and turns it into a snicker) It's
too late!  I have already destroyed the wretched insect!  The mere
sight of me was...

Yuusuke: Oh, he's kicked the bucket, huh?  Eh, I knew it had to

Ani(sneers): Well, of course.  Did you fools truly think you
could escape my vengeance fore...

Yuusuke(blithely interrupts): I kept telling him, "Kuwabara, you
old twit, it's getting to be too much for you, you're not as
young as you used to be," but he never listened.  Faking those
strokes, every month, just so he could see all the cute
nurses...too much for his heart, it was...I'll bet he died with
that stupid grin on his face...never did know when to come in
from the rain...

Ani: SHUT UP!  It was me!  I killed him!

Yuusuke: (looks at him for a long moment) Nah, I don't think so.

Ani: And why NOT!?

Yuusuke: Ah, he wasn't that great, of course, but still, kid...I
mean, you're okay, Saburou, but you got a ways to go before...
(Ani's eyes bulge out again, a vein throbbing in his forehead;
his mouth moves a few times, but no sound comes out.  In the
meantime, his half-reformed body staggers to its feet and walks
over, picking up a severed arm and sticking it back on.)

Ani: DARE you!  I may be a little-a VERY
little-bit rusty, but I'll be back in shape in no time, and then
you'll be sorry!  I'll slaughter you in front of your children!
No, I'll slaughter them in front of you!  All of them at once!
No, one at a time, and -slowly-!  (as he's ranting, the
now-reconstructed body picks up the head) I'll crush you so
utterly people will forget you ever existed!  I'll rip out your
heart and force you to eat it!  After you cook it!  Well done!
I'll...I'll...just you wait!
(The demon, looking about to explode, replaces his head, turns,
and stomps towards the door.  Just before he walks out, he turns
back, still glaring.)

Ani(snarls): And I was killing people when you were still in a
crib, so don't you ever call me "sonny", you little mortal

Yuusuke(agreeably): Alright.  Hey, if you want to train, the kids
are normally over every second Wednesday...I'll tell them to go
(Ani stalks out.)


(Scene: a pleasant, pastoral forest, not unlike the one in the
first scene, save that this one is not currently being disturbed
by the megalomaniacal laughter of any psychotic pint-sized
demons.  Instead, it sports a certain red-haired, highly bishonen
demon who is walking along a well-trodden path, leafing idly
through what appears to be a doujinshi.  Presently he turns the
page and draws back slightly in surprise, allowing us to see the
cover of the doujinshi, entitled "The Dragon's Roses".)

Kurama: This is terribly unrealistic, really...I mean, well, for
one, I'm MUCH bigger than that... (turning another page, he
raises an eyebrow) Banana?  What is he planning to do with that?
I really don't understand what Koenma sees in these things...
(flips another page; blinks) Huh?  Hmm...we both get slashed apart
by a short guy.  Well, that's a new ending...doesn't make much
sense, though.  (squints) He looks a little familiar...
(Kurama looks at the book for another moment, then shrugs and
begins to close it.  Suddenly his hand meets resistance, and he
looks down in surprise to see a rather familiar-to us, at
least-face sticking out of the pages of the doujinshi.)

Ani: How DARE you pretend to not recognize me!

Kurama: Oh, so you were actually in there.  That explains the
weird, you would be...?


Kurama;: (snaps fingers) That's right, you do look familiar.  I
think I remember...a short're Rinku, right?
(Toguro Ani facefaults, which results in him falling out of the
doujinshi and landing heavily on the ground.  Picking himself up,
he points a shaking finger at Kurama.)

Ani(snarls): going to die, in a way so
horrible, so painful, so hideous, so...I don't know what yet, but
you are going to regret you ever existed!  This is all -your-
fault anyway!

Kurama: Umm...I know!  Suzuki, wasn't it?

Ani: (eyes bulge out) DIE!!!
(He leaps, hands grasping for Kurama's throat...)


(Scene: the same forest, some time later.  Our hero...scratch
that, our, wait, that's not quite right
either...our main character is walking along.  He looks
disgruntled, not to mention disheveled, as his clothes are rather
badly torn, and burrs and thorns are sticking out of his hair.
There is also a plant resembling a demented mutation of a venus
flytrap happily munching on his shoulder, but Ani doesn't appear
to notice, as the other, and most important, thing he appears to
be is...seriously annoyed.)

Ani: This is...intolerable.  Utterly disgraceful.  Pathetic,
even.  (he sighs; even his trademark giggle is gone) I wanted to
deny it until now, but I suppose the time has come to admit it...
(he sighs again, then suddenly looks up, furious) I am the
(Ani looks ready to rant about his poor fortune some more, but
suddenly there is a thunderous series of crashes which nearly
knock him off his feet.  Curiousity piqued, the shape-shifting
psychopath follows the sound towards its source, and finds it in
a nearby clearing.  Within said clearing is a man.  The man is
short-if not nearly as much as Ani himself-and quite muscular.
He wears a simple t-shirt and scuffed jeans, and sports a rather
distinctive star-shaped scar on his forehead.  However, by far
his most noticeable feature...or accessory, as it were, is the
GIGANTIC axe slung casually over his shoulder.  Ani's eyes widen,
and he snickers to himself in delighted glee, his irritation
completely forgotten.  Drawing himself up, he brushes the
carnivorous plant off, as his "clothing" almost absently returns
to full repair.)

Ani: Hee hee hee...perhaps luck is with me after
(Striding out of the bush, Ani smiles evilly-still giggling-as
the man in the clearing turns towards him.  The man's eyes widen
and he backs up a step, swinging his axe down into a defensive

Man: T-t-toguro Ani!

Ani: Ah, how gratifying to know you have not forgotten me in the
long years since our last meeting, Bui.

Bui: I thought you were dead...

Ani: (throws back his head and cackles for a moment) Fool!  You
know my abilities, you should have known better.  There is no
force on this world, the demon world, or any other world that can
destroy me!

Bui: [Unfortunately...] So what do you want?

Ani: Ah, Bui.  Always so...taciturn, and to the point.  I merely
happened to be passing by, dear friend, and having seen you,
wished to renew our acquaintance of years past.  You have no idea
how much good it does my soul to know that you remember me, after
all these years.

Bui(skeptically): You mean it?

Ani: No.  I'm here to rip out your intestines and strangle you
with them.

Bui: But...why me?

Ani: Why not?  I've killed 538 people since I got out of that
damnable plant...538 1/2 if you count that dog.
(That being said, Ani morphs his forearms into blades and begins
walking forward, cackling evilly.  Bui, sweating heavily, holds
his ground, his eyes following the diminuitive demon.  Ani smiles
even wider at the obvious effect his approach has on Bui...then
howls and leaps forward, his arm-blades slashing out for the
kill.  Bui's eyes widen, and he reflexively takes a step back,
swinging his axe down in a desperate attempt at defence...which
neatly bisects Ani, causing his two halves to land on either side
of the startled axeman.  There is a moment of silence.)

Bui: (blinks) That'

Anis(in unison): This is most annoying.  (getting up, they hop
over to each other and recombine; as he turns, Ani points an
accusing finger at Bui) How DARE you get stronger!  Don't you
know that's not -fair-, you cheating little coward?

Bui: (sweatdrop) Well...uh...

Ani: (in full rant mode) You, that Urameshi brat, that obnoxious've ALL gotten better behind my back!  Am I
the only honourable fighter left?  (Bui sweatdrops again; Ani
suddenly widens his eyes and shifts the direction of his pointing
finger) Hey, what's that over there?
(As Bui glances back curiously, Ani cackles and lets his finger
extend, to...slam harmlessly against Bui's neck.  As the axeman
looks back in surprise upon feeling the pinprick, Ani's jaw drops
to the ground...literally.  After a moment, he retracts both the
finger and his jaw and turns away, his face a study in disgust.)

Ani: And tougher, too!  There is absolutely no fairness left!  I
swear!  All I wanted to do was kill a few people, maybe a little
torture on the side!  Was that too much to ask?  (he wheels to
face Bui again, a vein popping out on his forehead) WAS IT!?

Loud, Booming Voice From The Sky: YES IT WAS.

Ani: (wheeling back) SHUT UP!  WHO ASKED YOU?

Ani: (slightly scorched) Pompous jerk...
(Thunder rolls again; Bui prudently inches a few more steps away,
but it is too late, as Ani spins to face him once more.)

Ani: I ask you, Bui, was that really too much?

Bui: Umm... (glances at the sky warily) Yeah, I think so.

Ani: (slumps in defeat) But WHY?

Bui: I should have worked out more if you wanted
to...uh...kill people and stuff.

Ani: (head shoots up) That's IT!  I may have gotten a little
rusty, but some training and I'll be as good as, even
better!  (he morphs, his features distorting and reemerging as an
excellent likeness of Leonardo DiCaprio) Genkai!  That old bat
always had the hots for those suave movie stars...I'll sweep her
off her feet, learn her greatest secrets, get back into year, tops, and I'll destroy you all!
the shoulder) What NOW?

Bui: Er...wasn't Genkai that chick your brother...uh...knew,

Ani DiCaprio: Yes, yes, so what's the point, you imbecile?

Bui: Wouldn't she have kicked the bucket awhile back?  She was
human, and kinda old anyway, as I recall...
(Ani DiCaprio stares for a moment, then morphs back into his
original form and collapses to the ground.  Bui stares at the
pitiful, crumpled figure for a moment.)

Bui: Umm...well, maybe, you could do what I do?
(Slowly, agonizingly slowly, Toguro Ani's head comes up.  All the
usual spark, fire and rampant insanity seems to have gone out of
his features.  His voice is dull, drained of its usual psychotic
giggle, seemingly empty of purpose.)

Ani: And what is that?

Bui: (indicates his axe somewhat proudly) I'm a lumberjack!  (Ani
facefaults) No, seriously!  Builds up the muscle, makes you
tough, you know?  (Ani remains collapsed on the ground)
Umm...also, you get to kill a lot of helpless trees, I guess...
(Ani's head snaps up, his eyes agleam with curiousity and

Ani: Reeeeeeeally?

Bui: (nods) Uh-huh.  (waves at the surrounding forest) Hundreds
and hundreds a day.  (he pounds his fist into his palm as
inspiration strikes) You could work with me!  We could be a team
again, just like the old days...well, except for the constant
fear of death and stuff...

Ani: (leaps to his feet, energy and vigour restored) YES!  But
this is only the beginning!  Soon...soon, my dear Bui, entire
FORESTS will quake at our coming!  The mighty Amazon will tremble
to hear our names!

Bui: That's a jungle, not the kind of forest I handle...

Ani: That's entirely beside the point, Bui my friend.  It's a
matter of reputation.  (cackles) Yes, I like his idea.  A fitting
revenge upon the accursed plants.  Soon, Kurama will know my
power as his pitiful plants cower in terror, knowing the revenge
that shall be wrought if they dare show their
faces...err...leaves...err...pods!  Yes, pods!


(Scene: the next day, late afternoon.  Another clearing, recently
created.  Logs lay neatly sliced and piled along the edge.)

Ani: I QUIT!!!

Bui: So soon?

Ani(steaming): the most utterly BORING task I
have ever undertaken!  Those..."plants"...they don't cower, or
beg for mercy...for pity's sake, they don't even SCREAM IN PAIN!
How can you handle it?

Bui: (scratches his head) I manage.

Ani: (gives him a pitying look) Well, then, toil away in this
pointless drudgery if you wish, but I will not demean myself so!

Bui: (shrugs) Alright.  So what will you do?

Ani: Anything would be better than this.  Perhaps... (giggles) I
shall pay Urameshi another visit and finish what I started.  Hee

Bui: Umm...but...shouldn't you train first?

Ani: (blinks) What for?

Bui: (sweatdrop) Nothing.  Good luck, I guess.

Ani: (cackles) I don't need luck.
(He walks out of the clearing, laughing all the while.  Bui
stares after him for a moment, then shrugs and pulls out a small

Bui: [Oh well, at least I got double the area cleared today...]
(Meanwhile, Ani stalks upon the forest path, chuckling evilly to

Ani: [But while I prepare for my revenge against Urameshi and all
those other fools, I need to fine-tune my control.  For that, I
shall need to do -something-...some sort of task that makes best
use of my immense talents...something...-challenging-.]
(He begins to laugh once more...)


(Scene: a dark alley.  Walking down it is Kurama; as he passes
into the dim light cast by a streetlamp, however, he stops with a
gasp as another figure walks into the light.  It is Hiei, and the
short demon's eyes seem to glow warmly as he slowly moves
forward, appearing to have phased from the darkness itself.)

Kurama: You...what are you doing here?

Hiei(softly): Hush.

Kurama: But...what about the others?

Hiei: I don't care about the others.  You are the only one who
means anything.

Kurama: I...oh, how long I've waited for this, my darling...
(The two move closer, their faces drawing nearer, their breath
coming faster in anticipation...and then Ani morphs out of the
street light, cackles megalomaniacally, and skwers them both.
The two demons collapse, gagging on their own blood, as Ani
giggles horribly, and smashes them both into the wall, then stabs
at them again...and again...and again...)

Child: Man, this is -gross-!
(Ani pauses, looking outward, then casually plucks out what
appears to be Hiei's pancreas and tosses it.  We follow the
bloody organ and it sails across the alley...and then out of it
altogether, flying over the lip of the stage to splatter
disgustingly on the face of a boy in the first row.  He gags, and
we pan back up to the stage, where an elaborate-if somewhat
unorthodox-puppet show appears to be taking place.  Ani's
head-the real Ani, this time-pops up on the end of a suddenly
long neck.)

Ani: Shut up, you little weasel!
(The kid promptly throws up in the lap of the child next to him,
which does, however, have the side effect of shutting him up.
Meanwhile, another kid starts crying, and his parents-sitting
next to him-look outraged.)

Mother: This is horrible!

Father: What do you think you're...
(On the stage, perfect replicas of the crying boy and his parents
walk cheerfully into the alley, and are promptly eviscerated by
the mini-Toguro Ani.  The real parents, watching this, swallow.
Hard.  The father quickly clamps his hand over the boy's mouth.
Satisfied, the mini-Ani cackles, and then turns back to the
remains of Hiei and Kurama, who are still moaning obligingly.
After a moment of thought, he picks them up and begins smashing
them into each other, cackling megalomaniacally.  As this
happens, we pan back behind the stage and see, unsurprisingly,
the real Toguro Ani, the puppets springing out of his fingers, and
the "stage" from his torso.  Despite this, for some reason he is
still ducking his head under the lip of the stage.)

Ani: [Who could have known that entertaining small children could
be so...surprisingly amusing?  The small ray of light I bring to
their dreary lives just fills me with a warm glow...]
(Standing up, he begins to laugh...and the puppets begin to
laugh...and more puppets pop out of him and start to laugh...and
laugh...and laugh...)

                            THE END...

                         OR SO YOU HOPE.
All content unless stated otherwise is ©2021 Chris McNeil. He can be contacted here. The banner picture is courtesy of Jason Heavensrun. You can find more of his stuff at Checkmate Studios.