School of Many Battles! It’s Time for Tom!

                     Ranma: The Kyoto Chronicles

                              Chapter 3

              School Of Many Battles!  It's Time For Tom

(Opening scene: The outskirts of Kyoto, as the sun sets over the
magnificent mass of Mount Fuji.  A man wearing a cloak walks up the
highway towards the city, his face obscured by the hood.  He stops and
looks down upon the city for a long moment.  A newspaper blows up to
him, and he catches it with one hand.  Looking at it, we see a note in
the classifieds.)

Ad:                           Wanted
 One decent fighter to be a security officer at local high school
                           Contact at:
                        Whatsitsname High

(The figure looks at it for a moment, then chuckles evilly and walks
into the city, his strides purposeful.)


(Scene: Ranma and Shobayashi's room, over the Honourable Bull
restaurant.  Ranma himself is lying on his futon, oblivious to the
world.  There is a polite knock, to which he does not respond.
Several more knocks, each one louder than the next, also fail to rouse
him.  Finally the door opens and Nodoka walks in, holding a large
bell.  Raising it beside her slumbering son's head, she lets it ring
out, causing Ranma to jump up with a cry of surprise.  He looks around

Nodoka: Welcome back to the land of the living.

Ranma(irritated): _Mom_!  Why'd you go and do that?

Nodoka: I've learned by now that the usual methods of waking people up
don't work with you.

Ranma: (looks at the clock) Huh?  But it's only six-thirty, and I
don't have to get up till at least nine...

Nodoka: Not on school days you don't.

Ranma(dread): _School_ days?

Nodoka: Hai.  It's Monday, and time for you to go to school.

Ranma: But I thought you said I didn't have to...

Nodoka: (packing up his backpack) That was when we were on the road.
But as long as we stay in one place, you'll have to go to school.
(pauses) Of course, if we weren't being held here you wouldn't have

Ranma: But...

Nodoka: No buts, Ranma.  (she hands him the pack) Breakfast is on the
table.  School doesn't start until eight-thirty, but you'll have to be
there earlier because you and Ukyou are first time students.
(Ranma, grumbling shoulders the pack and heads downstairs.)


(Scene: the kitchen of the Honourable Bull, where a large table rests
in one corner for the family to eat.  Around it sit the Kuonji clan
and Genma, all eating okonomiyaki.  Ranma and Nodoka come down and sit
as well.)

Ukyou: Isn't this great, Ranchan?  We'll probably be in the same
classes, considering how late in the year it is...

Ranma(less than ecstatic): Yeah, great.  What's for breakfast?

Meushi: Okonomiyaki.  (she indicates a large pile)

Ranma: Uh...anything else?

Ukyou: Sure, I can cook you some okonomiyaki...

Ranma: Well I know, but anything else?

Shobayashi: Why yes.  I can cook you my okonomiyaki.

Oushi: Or would you prefer some of _my_ okonomiyaki?

Ranma: Never mind.  

Nodoka: You didn't even ask _me_?

Genma: I'll have it if you're not hungry, boy...

Ranma: No, I'll be fine with this.  (he quickly moves several to his
plate before Genma can snatch them) At least I won't be poisoned like
with Akane's cooking...  (he looks off with a slightly pained look)

Ukyou: (frowns, quickly) I'm sure we'll have fun at...uh...  (to her
father) What's its name?

Oushi: Correct.

Ranma: Correct high school?

Shobayashi: No, Whatsitsname.

Ranma: That's what she asked.

Ukyou: Hai, so what's its name?
(Ryori looks amused.)

Shobayashi: So what?

Ranma: Because we'd like to know.

Shobayashi: Like to know what?

Ranma(growls): What's its name?

Shobayashi: Hai, but what about it?

Ranma: What's its name?   What's its name!? _What's_ _its_ _name_?!?

Shoto: Didn't Abbot and Costello copywrite this routine?

Ryori: I believe Ranma wants to know the name of our high school.

Ranma: Finally.

Ryori: And Shobayashi thought you knew it.  You see, back when it was
first built, a name _was_ given to it, but an accident at city hall
destroyed all the records.  Nobody really thought about it until it
was time for the school to open, and then nobody could remember what
the name was going to be, so they just called it Whatsitsname High
(Ranma and Ukyou blink.)

Ranma: Fine, whatever.  At least I won't have to worry about a bunch
of martial artists that all have a grudge against me there.

Ukyou: What about Chagi?

Meushi: Little one, (Ukyou winces) we had to pay a large sum of money
to put you two in this school.  Considering that this Chagi is a
vagabond, he won't be able to pay the fees.
(*crack*boom*ominous roll of thunder*)

Ukyou: I guess so...

Ranma(mutters): That never stopped Ryouga...

Shobayashi: I'll come too.

Ukyou: Where?

Shobayashi: To your school, where I hope to find the girl for whom
love for me springs forth as pure as mountain springs.

Meushi(surprised): Who is this girl?

Shobayashi: The mysterious girl whose hair is like the flame of summer
across the plains...  Ah, my Natsu Kaji*...  (going into poetry mode)
                          First you came
                     And then you were gone,
                        And only my dreams
                         Can lead me on.

                       Your beauty's charm
                        Has a hold on me,
                         A hold of love,
                        That sets me free.

                       You gave me the sign
                        I was looking for,
                     And I give you my heart
(Everybody blinks.)
(*Natsu Kaji: Summer Flame)

Ukyou: Flame haired girl...  (she looks intently at her brother) This
girl wouldn't happen to be, uh, a little shorter than Ranma, with a
pigtail, wearing maybe Chinese-style clothes?

Shobayashi: You know her?  (excited) Quick, you must introduce us so
we can date!
(Ranma puts his face in his hands.)

Ranma(mutters): It's Kunou all over again...

Genma: H-how do you know this girl loves you in return?

Shobayashi(seriously): She gave me the sign I have been waiting for,
the one sign of truest love.

Ukyou(leans over and whispers into Ranma's ear): What'd you do,

Ranma(mournfully): I ignored him...I completely ignored him...
(Ukyou glances at the window, which has several girls pressed against
it staring in rapt adoration at her brother.)

Ukyou: It figures.


(Scene: the roads of Kyoto, which  Ranma, Ukyou, Shoto, Ryori and
Shobayashi are walking along.  For once Ranma isn't on a fence;
probably due to the fact that there's no canal.)

Ryori: ...and Whatsitsname has a baseball and soccer field.

Ranma: Does it have any martial arts clubs?

Ryori: (looks thoughtful) Hmm...uh, there's the Kendo club, but that's
not too popular since some guy from Tokyo keeps winning all the
tournaments anyway.  I _think_ there's a ninja clan that recruits from
the school..but I can't be sure about that.

Ranma: Well, at least there won't be a million martial artists here to
pick a fight with me.

Ukyou: (starry eyes) Oh that's wonderful!  We'll have lots of peaceful
time to spend together...

Ranma: (looks nervous) At least this won't turn out as bad as my first
day at Furinkan... 
(*crack*bo...oh, you know the rest.  They walk towards Whatitsname, a
four-story school of black and dark blue tile made in a large square
shape with a front like a Roman-style patio.  A shoulder-high wall
surrounds the whole complex, broken only by a massive iron gate, which
is open wide.  As Shobayashi steps through the gate, Ryori and Shoto
exchange glances and duck behind the wall.  Ukyou's eyes widen in
sudden comprehension, and she opens her mouth to warn Ranma even as
she leaps to the side, but it is too late.  One moment the courtyard
is empty, the next it is packed end to end with hordes of teenage
girls all clamouring for Shobayashi's attention and incidentally
trampling Ranma into the ground.)

Ukyou(horrified): Ranchan!  (she leaps up and pulls out her combat
spatula, landing next to Ranma) Get off him!
(She knocks several of the girls off Ranma with well-placed swings.)

Girl(angry): Hey!  Shobayashi's mine!  You can't have him!

Ukyou(angrier): I'm his sister!  Now get off my fiancee, you little

Girl: (looks down and notices Ranma) Oops, sorry.
(After a few moments Ukyou has cleared all the lovesick teenagers off
Ranma and raised him to his feet.  He staggers around a bit.)

Ukyou(worried): Are you okay?

Ranma(slightly dazed): Uh...I'm okay... (staggers around a bit)
...just fine...

Ukyou: (putting her arm around Ranma to support him) Come on, let's
get you inside.

Shoto: (appearing over a nearby girl's shoulder) Getting _cozy_, sis?
(Ukyou sends Shoto into the stratosphere.)

Shobayashi(mournfully): Oh, where is the Natsu Kaji?  (shouts) Does no
woman love me?
(The seething horde of women follow him as he heads around the

Ryori: (walking past Ranma and Ukyou) He seems to be really enamoured.
(absently) Now who could Natsu Kaji be, hmm?  (he enters the school)
(Ukyou's eyes narrow and she follows.)


(Scene: a hall in Whatitsname High.  The cloaked figure from the first
scene stands outside a door flanked by two roman-style columns.  On
the door is mounted a plate upon which is enscribed "Principal's
Office".  He knocks.)

Voice: (from inside) Enter, enter...
(The cloaked figure opens the door and regards a room straight out of
a mad cartoonist's nightmare.  Numerous devices of overcomplex design
line the walls, connected to each other by various wires and tubes
through which strange liquids flow.  In the centre of the far wall is
a picture  window with a view of the courtyard nestled in the middle
of the square school.  In front of the window a desk sits, covered by
various mechanical devices.  Behind the desk sits a shortish man,
sporting a white lab coat and an Einstein haircut.  He is puttering
with something on his desk, and appears not to notice the cloaked
figure as he shuts the door behind him.)

Cloaked figure(voice sounds awfully familiar): Professor Minakami?

Minakami: (looks up) Who?  Oh...why hello there!  (waves cheerfully)

Cloaked figure: Hello.  (pauses for a moment, then decides to take the
initiative) I came in response to the ad in the paper.

Minakami: Nani?  Oh yes, the ad!  (pushes a button) Have a seat.
(A racket erupts on the ceiling and the stranger looks up.  There he
watches as a ball bearing falls through a tube and hits a bell, which
wakes up a hen who lays and egg that falls on a switch, which opens a
trapdoor, releasing a toy robot which walks along the floor until it
trips a wire that turns a crank, which lowers a armature, on the end
of which is a padded chair.  The chair sets down with a squeal of

Cloaked figure: (after a brief pause) Thanks, but I'll stand.

Minakami: If you wish.  (he pushes the button again and the chair
creaks for a moment and then collapses) Damn, lost another one...

Cloaked figure: About the job...

Minakami: (nods) Hai, the job... (pauses) What job?

Cloaked figure: The security officer?

Minakami: Ah yes!  Well you see, there have been quite a few fights
breaking out in the last few days: over twice as many as usual, and
the number is continuing to increase, as if some sort of negative
energy field was approaching the school.

Cloaked figure: Negative energy field?

Minakami(rambling on): I have found certain things-living creatures,
that is-which generate some sort of natural biological field which
causes others to become violent.  These fields also seem to attract
other fields, creating a stronger field which attracts more and...

Cloaked figure: [This guy might have something...] I get the idea.

Minakami: Anyway, fights and other delinquency have been on the rise,
and I have decided to put a stop to it.  Now, are you a martial

Cloaked figure(dryly): I can hold my own.

Minakami: Very good.  (pauses) What I'm looking for is someone good
enough to intimidate the other students into not fighting.

Cloaked figure: (evil chuckle) Intimidation...I think I can handle

Minakami: Wonderful!  On top of your regular pay-twice minimum
wage-I'm prepared to offer a thousand yen bonus for every fight you
stop.  When can you start?

Cloaked figure: Immediately, if possible.  I'm already renting a house
near here.

Minakami: Excellent, because the fighting usually starts when school
does.  Allow me to open the door for you.  (he touches a button, there
are several clicks, and the desk spontaneously combusts) Damn, lost
another one...
(The cloaked figure exits without a word.  As he closes his door to
the sound of a fire extinguisher, he hears something in the distance:
the excited mumbles of students and several crashes and thumps.)

Cloaked figure: [Well, my first bonus won't be long in coming...]
(With an evil chuckle, he moves towards the sound.)


(Scene: the main entrance to the high school to the high school, where
Ukyou is helping Ranma through the doors.  Ryori stands up the hall,
showing something on his laptop to three other boys.  Shoto runs in
behind them and slams the door in the face of several enraged

Ranma: I have _got_ to stay away from that guy.

Ukyou: Well at least nobody _purposefully_ attacked you, Ranchan.

Voice: DIIIIEEEE!!!!
(Ranma leaps back and pushes Ukyou away as Chagi drops from the
ceiling, cracking the linoleum floor with his extended foot.  Chagi
smiles evilly at Ranma.)

Chagi: Greetings, Saotome.

Ranma: You've got a funny way of saying hi.  (gets into a defensive
stance) What are you doing here?

Chagi: Moi?  I am zimply attending zis fine ecole.

Ukyou: But how could you afford it?

Chagi: Afford it?  But mon chere (Ukyou blinks in surprise), I am ze
heir to ze Senzai family fortune, which made millions selling
toothbrushes to ze marines in ze war.  But zat is unimportant.
(He reaches over with his foot and taps a nearby locker, which
shudders and tips, setting off a domino effect.  The last one topples
towards Ranma, forcing him to leap back through a nearby door.
Instantly Chagi slams it closed, then taps another locker to block the
entrance.  With a smirk, he turns to Ukyou.)

Chagi: Now zat Ranma has left, we shall get on with more important

Ukyou: Nani?
(Before she can react, Chagi has circled around behind her, placing a
hand on her shoulder.  He snaps his fingers and a nearby door opens up
to admit a trio of violinists, who start playing romantic music.  Then
he swings his arm around in front of Ukyou, producing a bouquet of

Chagi: Ahh, mon chere.  L'amoure iz so wonderful, iz it not?  (Ukyou's
eyes are widening in large increments) You are so beautiful, mon
chere.  Your eyes, your hair, your legs, so strong and graceful...
(Steaming, Ukyou grabs Chagi and hurls him at the wall.)

Ukyou: You complete _JACKASS_!!!
(Chagi pivots in midair, bounces off the wall, and lands with a look
of mild surprise.)

Chagi: You do not accept Chagi's proposal?

Ukyou: (flinging mini-spatulas at the violinists, who scramble out)
What do _you_ think!?  (she turns to glare at him)  What did you
expect to accomplish?  I'm engaged!
(All the kids in the hall decide to make a really bad
movie...err...Canadian in-joke.  Anyway, the four or five other
students in the hall look at Ukyou in surprise.)

Chagi: Zis iz not unknown to moi, mon chere.  But fear not, for Chagi
shall rectify ze situation in short order.
(The door behind which Ranma has been trapped is suddenly blown apart
by a large yellow sphere of force.  Ranma stalks out into the hall
with an angry expression.)

Ranma: Hey, pal!  What's the big idea!?

Chagi(calmly): I believe I shall take care of zat matter now.
(He leaps at Ranma with a powerful thrust kick, which he ducks.  Ranma
attempts to uppercut, but Chagi spins in midair to evade it and sends
his other leg out in a sweeping crescent that catches Ranma and sends
him sprawling against the wall, dazed.  Chagi lands in front of him,
his arms crossed and one leg tucked up.)

Chagi: Pah!  A child could avoid that!  You're hardly worth this,
Ranma, but now... (he draws his hands up in a butterfly-like wave)
face the fury of the ultimate technique of the Agile Tiger school of
martial arts!  HAKUTORAKYAKU!!!
(He snaps his raised leg at Ranma.  Unfortunately for Chagi, his
speech gave Ranma time to recover, and he rolls to the side just as
Chagi's sole reaches a level so that it is perpendicular to the
ground.  Suddenly a circular disk of white light about a metre in
diameter explodes from Chagi's foot.  The light fades, but the
shockwave is still seen as a rippling distortion in the air as it
strikes the wall, which explodes in a shower of gyprock and white
dust.  Ranma, coming up behind Chagi, stares through the clearing dust
and sees that a tunnel of metre-wide holes have been punched through
every wall between Chagi and the outside of the least a
dozen walls.)

Ranma: Holy...

Chagi: (turning to face Ranma) So Saotome, you escaped zat attack.
But you shall not escape my vengeance!
(At this point the cloaked figure rounds the far corner.  A good crowd
of students have arrived by now, and they are watching the escalating
conflict and chattering excitedly amongst themselves.  Ryori is
sitting in a secluded corner, making notes on his laptop.  The cloaked
figure takes in the scene and starts to move towards the fight when he
suddenly gets a good look at Ranma and just stops _cold_.)

Ranma: Don't you _ever_ shut up!?  
(He throws a punch at Chagi, who evades and attempts to counter with a
crescent kick.  Ranma blocks it and lashes out with a spinning chop,
but Chagi just isn't there, and Ranma finds himself launched into the
air by a backflip kick that also had served to evade his attack.
Chagi spins to his feet and smashes a side kick into his falling
opponent.  Ranma flies toward the wall and rebounds, but is caught by
a snap kick, followed by a rising crescent kick that smashes into his
chin and reverses into an axe kick that sends him crashing into the
ground with a cry of pain.)

Chagi: And so it ends...
(He leaps up, pivoting and extending his leg to clip Ranma's head off
his shoulders...only to have someone grab his ankle and halt him in
midair.  The view draws back and we see the cloaked figure is holding
Chagi, who is staring at him quizzically.)

Chagi: Could you inform moi as to the precise reason you are
interfering with Chagi's vengeance?

Cloaked figure: (evil chuckle) It's my job.
(Ranma starts and stares at the cloaked figure in disbelief.)

Chagi: Then face Chagi's wrath!
(He sends a spin kick at the strangers head, but he merely releases
his leg and ducks it.  Instead of counterattacking, the figure
backpeddles and manages to block Chagi's lightning-fast response.  The
Taiwanese fighter stands back and eyes his opponent with new respect.)

Chagi: So, you have ze speed to defend.  Mais, you cannot block zis!
(He charges forward, his legs snapping out in increasingly faster snap
kicks, but again and again the figure dodges and backpeddles.  He
appears to be leading Chagi towards something on the wall.)

Cloaked figure(contemptuously): Is that the best you can do,

Chagi(enraged): You _dare_ mock Chagi?!?  Die, pathetic fool!
(He launches a powerful spin kick, which the mysterious stranger
easily ducks.  The kick crashes into the now-revealed drinking
fountain, which crumbles and sends a shower of water over the area.
As Ranma backpeddles away from the icy water, Ukyou and the other
students stare at the suddenly changed confrontation.  Chagi, too, is
shocked by his new opponent: a giant, minotaur-like creature with tiny
wings, and eel for a tail and several writhing tentacles.  The monster
is so large it fills up half of the hallway.)

Chagi: C-c-ces't tres grande!
(The minotaur snorts and sends a tentacle flying at Chagi.  The
Taiwanese boy, however, leaps over it and lands a few stinging kicks.
The monster growls and starts to lash out with all its tentacles, but
Chagi is a darting flash, and somehow his erratic dodges, leaps and
spins keep him from being tagged.  But the creature merely gestures,
and a spray of black ink flies directly into Chagi's face.  Unable to
see, he is easily caught in a tentacle and slammed against the wall
like a rag doll.  With a snort, the minotaur drops his unconscious

Ranma: It _is_ you, Pantyhose!
(The minotaur absently swings its heavily muscled arm, sending Ranma
flying through the hole Chagi created earlier.  Stopping to pick up
its discarded cloak, the monster stalks around the corner, leaving a
shellshocked crowd of students and a mystified Ukyou behind.  Only
Ryori seems unaffected by the events, and continues entering something
on his laptop without even bothering to look up.  Just as a battered
Ranma crawls back through the wall, a young man walks around the
corner.  Clad in his dragonscale vest, bracers and baggy asian-style
pants is indeed Pantyhose Tarou, whom you might remember from Nerima
No More or any of our other fanfics.)

Tarou: Hello, fem-boy.

Ranma: What the heck are _you_ doing here?

Tarou: I could ask you the same question.  I thought you lived in
Tokyo...or did the Tendos finally kick you out?

Ranma(angry): Listen you...

Ukyou: Uh...Ranchan, who is this guy?  Isn't he the same one that
showed up back in Nerima?

Ranma: Oh yeah, I forgot you've never met.  Ukyou, this guy is
(Tarou smashes Ranma, sending him toppling to the ground.)

Tarou: Don't call me that!  (calms down) Besides, in case you've
forgotten, I have a new name now.

Ranma: (smirks) That's right, and I helped you get it too, so treat me
better pal.

Tarou(mutters): The only reason I didn't let french-boy finish you
off.  (louder) And I'm infinitely grateful to you for dressing in
women's lingerie to please a dirty old man.
(Ranma looks mortified as the crowd of students erupts into excited
muttering.  Shoto opens his mouth, but has trouble speaking through
the fist Ukyou just shoved in his maw.)

Ukyou: Don't  even _think_ it!
(She tosses him through Chagi's hole and out of the school.)

Ranma(enraged): Why you...after all I've done for you!
(He leaps at Tarou, who rather easily sidesteps the attack.)

Tarou: I suggest you don't attack me, Ranma, because I happen to be
this school's new security officer.  (Ranma stops dead) After all, I
already have to take you to the principal's office for fighting, but
things will undoubtedly go much worse for you if I tell him you
attacked me as well.

Ranma(nervously): Principal's office?

Tarou(seems quite pleased): Hai, now if you'll just follow me...

Ukyou: Wait, what about Chagi?  He attacked Ranma in the first place;
Ranchan was only defending himself!

Tarou: (looks at the unconscious Chagi) I think he should be in an
infirmary, not an inquisition.  (he looks at some students) You, take
him to the school nurse...NOW!  (the students scramble to do his
bidding, and Tarou smirks) I could learn to like this job.


(Scene: the principal's office.  Ranma and Ukyou sit in two chairs
before the principal's desk, which is somewhat charred.  Minakami
himself seems far more interested in the device he's tinkering with
than the three young people in front of him.  Tarou, who is standing
by the door, clears his throat loudly.)

Tarou: Professor Minakami?

Minakami: (looks over) Hello there.  (pause) Who are you?

Tarou: (sighs) The school security officer you hired this morning.

Minakami: Oh yes.  And who are they?

Tarou: Two of your students.  This one (indicates Ranma) was caught

Minakami: (nods) I see, I see...what is he doing here?

Tarou(beginning to look annoyed): For his punishment!  He was caught
fighting, what's his punishment?

Minakami: Oh no, my dear Tarou.  Here at Whatsitsname, we don't
punish, we (ominously) _rehabilitate_.  So if young...

Ranma: Saotome Ranma, Minakami-sensei.

Minakami: Hai.  If young Ranma has enough aggression to fight, we give
him a way to work it out.  (he punches a button and a large cylinder
in the corner opens) This is my Agressatron Calastenic Deangerasizer
X-5000.  If you'll step inside, it will help you relieve your

Ranma(nervously): Uh...I'd rather...

Tarou: You heard what he said, fem-boy.  (he grabs Ranma and tosses
him in) Have fun.
(The door closes and the sounds of carnage erupt from within,
accompanied by cries of pain from Ranma.)

Ukyou: Isn't corporal punishment illegal?!?
(She leaps up and tries to pry open the machine with her spatula.
Tarou leaves and closes the door just as the ACOX-5000 bursts into
flames.  Ukyou cries out in horror, and Minakami sucks in his cheek.)

Minakami: Damn, lost another one.


(Scene: the lunch hall at Whatsitsname, built in the standard square
shape with a line of windows showing the interior courtyard, the
centrepiece of which is a large fountain in the shape of three Chinese
dragons in a triangular formation, spraying inward.  On the other side
of the lunch room is a stage.  Ranma and Ukyou are sitting near the
centre of the room.  He is forking gingerly at an okonomiyaki with a
look of slight distaste.)

Ukyou: Aren't you hungry, Ranchan?

Ranma: (sighs) Not really...I'm just having a bad day is all.

Ukyou: (smiles) I gather that you and that Tarou guy aren't exactly
the best of friends.

Ranma: Har har.  (he flips his fork in the air and absently catches
it) I just thought I left all this stuff behind in Narooma.  It's
almost as if violence follows me around...

Voice: Die, filthy disease-ridden bug!
(Ranma leaps up, ready to defend himself...and blinks as he notices a
boy near the stage swinging a rolled-up notebook at a fly hovering
near his food.)

Boy: Get, you vermin!

Ranma: (sitting down again) I'm getting paranoid.

Voice: Die, you pathetic little creature!!!
(This time Ranma doesn't react, which is unfortunate, as Chagi lands a
double dropkick to the back of his head and sends him face first into
the food.  Chagi remains standing there as his rival struggles to get

Chagi: Ah, mon chere, how pleasant it iz to meet you here.

Ukyou(angry): I am _not_ your chere!  Now get off my fiancee, you

Chagi: But it iz so much more convenient zis way, n'est pas?
(Ranma kicks his chair away and somehow manages to bend his legs back
far enough to cross them around Chagi's waist.  The Taiwanese boy
blinks, then is tossed across the room as Ranma flips to his feet.)

Chagi: (landing with ease) Not entirely pathetic, Saotome.  But can
you stand up to _zis_?
(He rushes at Ranma, who backs through the crowds and closer to the

Ranma: I can't fight you Chagi, much as I'd like to.  I'd get in too
much trouble.

Chagi: (starting a series of wide crescent kicks that send the
students scattering out of the way) Coward!  You shall not deny Chagi
his revenge!
(Ranma continues to back away from and dodge Chagi, but soon finds
himself backed against the glass.)

Chagi: Nowhere to run, Saotome!  (crouches) And no way to avoid me!
(Ranma blocks as Chagi begins his rising spinkick, but is thrown up
and through the window.  He goes tumbling into the courtyard, covered
in multiple small lacerations.  Chagi flies over him and lands halfway
to the fountain.  He turns casually to face Ranma, who is getting to
his feet with an angry expression.)

Chagi: Your move, Saotome.

Ranma: I told you I can't fight you...

Chagi(getting angry): Won't fight me iz more like it!  What's ze
matter, Saotome!  No women's skirts to hide behind zis time?

Ranma(roars): WHY YOOOOUUUUU...
(Chagi waits calmly as Ranma charges in, then he falls back, crouching
on one knee and rockets his other foot into Ranma's abdomen.  As Ranma
doubles over with a gasp, Chagi rolls, sending him skyward...and
straight at the fountain.  Ranma's eyes bulge and he waves his arms
frantically, but he is falling between the statues and has nothing to

Ukyou(leaping through the window) Ranchan?  (Noticing the situation,
she snaps her battle spatula out and holds it up like a javelin) Oh no
you don't, Chagi!
(She tosses it as straight and true as an arrow, and the spatula
slices into one of the statues, imbedding itself halfway through the
rock.  Stretching out his hand desperately, Ranma catches the ring on
the end of the handle and dangles with his feet only a few scant
centimetres above the water.  Then he flips up and stands on the

Ranma: You're going down, Chagi.

Chagi(enraged): And again you accept ze help of zis woman!  You are
worse zen a ninja, Ranma, an honourless rogue zat deserves only

Ranma: (leaping at Chagi) Shut up, you little jerk!
(Chagi easily crescent kicks him from the air.  Ranma rolls with the
blow and comes up ready to fight, only to find himself lifted off his
feet from behind.  He looks around, to see Tarou holding him by the
collar, a look of mock disappointment on his face.)

Tarou: Ranma, Ranma, Ranma.  How did I know you wouldn't be able to
resist the urge to fight?

Ranma(cooly): Oh hi, Panty...
(Tarou slams him face-first into the ground.)

Tarou: Don't call me that!!!

Chagi: Sooo, you return to try and save Ranma yet again.  But I shall
let noone stop moi!

Tarou: (dropping Ranma and stepping forward) Do I have to cream you
_again_?  Listen french-boy, I'm the school's security officer, and
noone fights on my watch.

Chagi: I care nozing for your foolish job. _I_ am Senzai Chagi, heir
to ze Senzai fortune, native of Taiwan and undisputed master of ze
Agile Tiger school of martial arts.  Who are you to face moi?

Tarou: Hmph.  Well, I'm not the undisputed master of any martial arts
school, and I call no place home anymore.  I _am_ one person you
_don't_ want as an enemy, as fem-boy will tell you.  As for my name...
(evil chuckle) Well, I used to be ashamed of it, but now I can cry out
my new name in pride: I am...TOM TAROU!
(There is a moment of silence as this sinks in.  Then slowly, one by
one, all the students who have gathered around begin to laugh.  Ranma
is rolling around on the ground roaring with laughter, Chagi is
clutching his chest and guffawing.  Even Ukyou is chuckling into her
hand.  Tarou does not seem all too pleased by this.)

Tarou: Hey!  (he spins to face Ranma) What's so funny!?

Ranma: (between laughs) Tom!  (snicker) TOM!!!  That's the stupidest
name I've ever heard!

Tarou(steams): Listen, you little...

Shoto: (leaning over Tarou's shoulder) Tom.  I can see you put a lot
of thought into that.  Yep, you certainly picked the most god-awful
name in existence.
(Tarou smashes Shoto into the ground, managing to shove the annoying
boy's head all the way in and leaving him sticking out like an absurd
leafless tree.)

Chagi: (smirking) So, _Tom_, you are truly pathetic.  Not even worthy
of a fair battle.  So I shall finish zis quickly!  (Tarou seems
pissed-note he is positioned equidistant from fountain and the school
(He performs a powerful pivot kick which stops just as his sole is
pointed at Tarou.  This time the rippling air produced by the move is
more visible, like a shimmering wave of water.  Tom dodges and rolls
to the side as the shockwave tears up some pavement and crashes into
the school.  A titanic explosion rocks the air, accompanied by a cloud
of dust and shrapnel.  Tom flips to his feet and watches angrily as
some of the school superstructure sags and threatens to collapse.)

Tarou: Now you've made me mad!  (he leaps up, angling himself towards
the fountain) That'll dock my pay!
(Tarou, however, is surprised as Chagi launches himself after him.)

Chagi: Right where I want you!  SOUTOURA SENPUUKYAKU!!!  (Chagi's
rising spinkick catches Tarou off-guard and sends him flying past the
fountain and into the ground.  Chagi lands on the rim of the fountain,
a look of arrogant pleasure on his face) I think not, mon ami.  The
last time you came in contact with water, you became zat...thing.
Chagi does not intend to let you do zat zis time.

Tarou: (standing up) Before it was just the job,,
it's _personal_.  (he steps forward and Chagi jumps down and into
range for an easy intercept) I was going to use this move against
Happousai, but thanks to fem-boy I don't have to.  (he snaps his arms
together) Now, you face (they begins to glow) my ultimate technique,
(Suddenly, a pyrotechnic burst of multicoloured light erupts around
Tom like a fireball, then bursts out in a blinding flash of rainbow
power.  Chagi gasps and desperately blocks as the light flares until
it temporarily obscures the view.  Suddenly it disperses, and we see
Chagi flying across the courtyard, and Tarou calmly standing where his
opponent used to be.  Chagi twists himself in mid-air and lands on his
feet, but off-balance.)

Chagi: Why did you do zat!?

Tarou: That's for me to know and you to find out, french-boy.  (he
starts moving in a circular pattern around Chagi, coming closer to the

Ukyou: Wow, that was some ki blast.

Ranma: (frowns) That wasn't a ki blast.

Ukyou: (looks at him) Nani?

Ranma: Every time I've seen Chagi in action it only took one good shot
to down him.  If he had been hit by a ki blast, he'd be mangled...
(By this point, Tom has reached the school wall, stopping in front of
a blue door.  Chagi is breathing heavily and pumping himself up.)

Tarou: So, french-boy, it looks like you've got a lot of learning to
do before you can take me.

Chagi: None humiliate Chagi without facing ze supreme penalty!  Now
face my ultimate strength, (waves his arms and pulls one leg up)
(With an evil chuckle, Tarou dodges out of the way as the rippling
shockwave crashes into the door, which has a white stick-figure man on
it.  Instantly the door is blown in and the bathroom inside is
destroyed, causing the broken plumbing to spew out streams of searing
hot and freezing cold water.  Tom rolls to his feet with a smirk, only
to be surprised when Chagi dropkicks him from behind and sends him
skidding, though he doesn't quite lose his footing.  He turns to face
Chagi, who has taken up position between him and the bathroom.)

Tarou: Fine, guard the bathroom.  (he moves towards the fountain)

Chagi: (stepping forward uncertainly) Non...I shall not allow you to
interfere in my vengeance...

Tarou: Just give it up, kid.  I've beaten you.

Chagi(roars): Ranma must _DIE_!!!  Nothing else iz acceptable!

Tarou: I've got nothing against you killing fem-boy, might even make
the world a better place, but I can't let you do it on school grounds.

Chagi: (blinks) You mean, as soon as Ranma steps off ze school yard,
he iz fair game?

Tarou: (waves his arm dismissively) That's what I said.

Chagi: Well, well.  (grins evilly at Ranma) Until zis afternoon, zen.
(He leaps high into the sky, lands on the school roof and leaps out of

Tarou: About time.

Ranma: (stalking over) What was that about making the world a better

Tarou: You're welcome.

Ranma: I didn't need your help, pal!

Tarou: No, you were being pounded quite nicely without me.

Ukyou(hastily): We appreciate the help, Tom-san.  (she elbows Ranma)

Ranma: (not catching the hint) Well, Tommy-boy here can take his help
and shove it.

Tarou(getting mad): Well, fem-boy, it was only my job.  And speaking
of that, it's _also_ my job to take _offenders_ to the principal's

Ranma: (gulps) Principal' heh heh...


(Scene: the Honourable Bull, early afternoon.  Meushi is talking to a
contractor while pointing out some of the damage done by Chagi.  Ukyou
and a slightly scorched Ranma walk in.)

Ukyou: wasn't _all_ bad, Ranma.

Ranma(mutters): He almost charbroiled me!

Nodoka: (walking over) What are you doing home already?  It's only

Ranma: They cancelled it.

Nodoka(curiously): Why?

Ranma: (shrugs) Structural damage.

Nodoka: (deciding it's probably better not to know) Well, then, you
two can help out in the restaurant until it opens up again.

Ranma(walking away; mutters): _Not_ my day, just _NOT_ my day...

Ukyou: (sighs) At least you didn't get hit on. (she follows)
(Nodoka raises and eyebrow.)


(Scene: evening. Tarou Tom is walking through his door.)

Tarou: [What a day.  Just my luck to be stuck having to clean up
fem-boy's mess.] (throws his cloak over a nearby chair) [At least I
only have to see him during school hours, and school should be out for
a few days...] 
(He starts upstairs, and we switch scenes to Ranma's room.  He is
looking out his window with a thoughtful look.  There is a knock on
the door, and he turns around, closing the curtain.)

Ranma: Come in, Ukyou.

Ukyou: (walking in) How did...

Ranma: (sighs) Who else?

Ukyou: Just came to see how you were doing, and if there was anything
I could do to help.

Ranma: Arigato, Ucchan, but I don't think you can cheer me up right

Shoto: (poking his head in the door) Getting _friendly_ in...
(Ranma nails him in the face with a well-thrown chair.  Shoto
stumbles, but manages to remain conscious.)

Ukyou(under her breath): I wish.

Ranma: Don't push me, Shoto.  I'm a trained martial artist, and can
hurt you in ways you can't even imagine.

Shoto: (laughs) Some martial artist, so far you've been manhandled so
often it isn't...
(Ranma slams the door in his face.)

Ranma: You're not worth killing.

Ukyou: Much better.
(Ranma walks over to the window.)

Ranma: At least this day can't get any worse.  (*crack*boom*ominous
roll of thunder*) Huh?  I wonder if it's storming...
(He turns to open the curtains, and we shift scenes again.  Tom is in
his room.)

Tarou: [Well, at least I should get lots of those thousand yen bonuses
from this school.  I'd better, because I'm almost out of mon...]
(*crack*boom*ominous roll of thunder* Tarou sits up) I could have
sworn it was clear out.  (he heads towards the window) I wonder if the
weather's turned...
(Tarou opens his curtains at the same time as Ranma does.  They look
across at each other from the two neighbouring houses for a few
moments, then both calmly slide the curtains shut.)

Ukyou: Bad weather, Ranchan?

Ranma: Much worse.  (he sighs an opens the closet) AAAHHHH!!!
(Ranma dodges back as a foot flies out at him in a vicious snap kick.)

Chagi: Die, Saotome!
(Ranma slams the closet door on Chagi.  A brief silence follows, then
a few pitiful bangs.)

Chagi(muffled): Let me out of zis closet!  I can not get a good kick
off!  Let me out!

Ranma: (holding the door closed) Why me?

                             The End

Postscript: And so the continuing saga of Ranma: the Kyoto
Chronicles...well...continues.  Hope you enjoyed it.  Now, some people
out there might be wondering why Pantyhose Tarou is seemingly in
_every_ _single_ fanfic we do, even though he's not a regular
character from the series.  Well, the reason is really very simple.
We like him.  He's cool.  SO if you don't...SUFFER!
     And as for the next chapter?  Well, this has been building up for
two chapters now, the inevitable battle to end all battles.  Have the
continual interruptions during Chagi's challenges been the only thing
saving Ranma's life...or the only thing keeping him from winning?  The
final answer, the decisive battle, the climactic conflict is next,
in..."Chagi Strikes Back; Revenge Is Mine!"
Blade and Epsilon

Handy Special Move Guide:

Hakutorakyaku: White Tiger Kick
Abare-Oushi-Kougeki: Raging Bull Charge

All content unless stated otherwise is ©2021 Chris McNeil. He can be contacted here. The banner picture is courtesy of Jason Heavensrun. You can find more of his stuff at Checkmate Studios.