UKYOU: AFFAIRS OF THE HEART
A saga of six books
BOOK I
Tsubasa the God!
Or
Every dog has his day
Epilogue
The night air was crisp and clear, a spectre as still as stone
which carried the sounds of darkness inside. The harsh bark of a
startled dog, the whisper of feet as they slipped down the road, the
sudden roar of an engine then a receding echo of power, all of these
sounds drifted about like lions on the hunt, desperate to be
acknowledged.
Leaning out the window, she heard them all, her eyes closed as
she let the tension of the day seep out of her like sand through the
hourglass, leaving her tired but at peace. She straightened herself
and looked up at the moon, a silver coin riding the sky, flooding the
city with a pale half-light that left the streets filled with shadows.
The stars twinkled in the ebony dome of the night sky, tiny diamonds
that glittered with the promise of dreams and beckoned to her like a
lighthouse to a storm-swept ship.
She strained for a moment, trying to make out familiar
constellations in the sea of lights. Briefly she caught a glimpse of
a face, an ethereal visage that floated among the stars. A face from
her past, a past of hardship and pain, of sorrow and despair, where
only hope had kept her alive. She remembered this face as one who had
caused her much of this pain, a face that had caused her misery. She
blinked and it was gone, disappearing like mist. She smiled. Best
not to think of the face like that, for that segment of her life was
over and she was free at last. The winter night was hers again.
She heard a sound, and then another presence was behind her. The
man wrapped his arms around her and drew close, breathing in the
fragrance of her hair. She smiled and leaned back against him,
allowing herself to be warmed by his strangely gentle embrace. He
murmured in her ear, his voice as soft as cotton, asking her to come
back to bed. She nodded, and allowed him to lead her back.
How strange, she thought, that it should all come to this. The
man lifted her up, and with exquisite care lowered her onto the
feather-filled bed. He leaned down again, reluctant to release her,
as if she were a wraith that might drift away from him. She gazed
into his face, and was forced to amend her earlier thought. It was
not strange that she was here with him, it was only strange how long
it had taken events to bring it about. She smiled, and allowed her
lips to brush his.
The winter night drifted away...
********
Part 1
It was summer in Nerima. A long summer of drifting dreams, where
anything was possible, especially in this unusual place. The sun
lifted slowly above the roofs of the buildings in a glorious scarlet
sunrise, the most beautiful one this week. Always a bad omen. (1)
Ukyou Kuonji didn't realise this, so she smiled to herself. She
drank in the sunshine like an elixir, allowing it's warmth to banish
the last vestiges of her weariness. She yawned and stretched, tossing
her long brown hair back as she slipped out of bed. Quickly, she went
through her morning routine: a fast shower and short breakfast, then
she shipped out of her pajamas and pulled on her okonomiyaki chef's
outfit. Sitting down in front of the mirror, she hummed softly to
herself as she combed her hair. Her eyes almost involuntarily drifted
to a picture placed carefully on the stand next to the mirror. The
thick black frame enclosed a picture only about as big as a paperback
cover, but to her it was larger than the sun. The boy in the picture
was handsome, with short black hair tied back in a bobbed pigtail.
His face was rounded, with wide blue eyes and a charismatic smile.
She sighed and resisted and urge to stroke the picture, knowing that
soon she would have the real thing to enjoy.
"Ranma." She breathed his name. As she looked upon his image,
her body and soul trilled with feelings she could not name but
embraced with all her heart. Ukyou quickly tied a bow into her hair
and stepped from the room, absently snatching her combat spatula off
the wall.
She strode down into her restaurant, stepping into the musty
half-light as she drifted to the windows. Drawing open the curtains,
she allowed the bright morning sunshine to come in. Briefly she gazed
at the people walking outside. None of her regulars were about, not
that she expected them. A quick glance at the clock showed her that
she still had half an hour until her customary opening time. More
than enough time left to dust and set up the tables. It could wait.
Instead, she plucked a chair at random off its table and sat
down. She leaned back and closed her eyes, her thoughts drifting into
dreams. Dreams about Ranma, about his smiling face, about his
washboard chest, about his powerful arms which she could almost feel
wrapping around her...wait a second...she _could_ feel his arms
wrapping around her. She blinked in confusion, then looked down to
see that the arms of the chair had become human arms, which had
wrapped themselves lovingly around her waist. She could also feel a
head leaning against the small of her back, and heard an only too
familiar voice whispering her name...
"Tssuubaassaaaaaa!" she growled, her face taking on a berserker
quality that was in sharp contrast with the dreamy look that had been
there before. In a flash almost too fast to follow, she leaped up,
pulled her arms free and flipped the unwelcome intruder around so that
he landed face first on the floor. She knelt next to him, twisting
his arm behind his back, and was rewarded with a cry of pain.
"U-ukyou-sama!" Tsubasa yelped. He had shed his clever disguise
as a chair, and lay revealed in his usual one, which was of a girl. A
thin girl in a pretty green dress, with long brown hair. Ukyou,
however, was not fooled by the transvestite. "It's me *yowch* my
darling!"
"I know," Ukyou spat, and demonstrated this by twisting his arm
even farther. "Now get LOST!" She dragged the transvestite over to
the door, booted it open and launched him with all her strength across
the street. She grinned evilly as he collided with the wall of
laundromat with a satisfying crunch. Turning back to the restaurant,
she walked in, patting her hands together. She closed the door with
her foot, and briefly enjoyed the sense of exhilaration she felt
whenever she demolished the hentai. Then it drifted away, and she
walked over to a storage cupboard to get out her cleaning supplies.
She might as well get started.
********
1) Takahashi's first law of plots: any beautiful day inevitably ends
in disaster.
********
The Nekohanten was empty. All the customers from the lunch rush
had left, and their mess was scattered about like the remnants of a
tornado. Mousse grumbled as he crawled around the floor, lifting up
the trash piece by piece. He wondered once agin how so few people
could create so much refuse, and was one again stumped. (1) Mousse
rose to his knees and adjusted his thick glasses before scanning the
room. The shifting blur he perceived was confusing, but he searched
through it for familiar shapes, and finally settled on a pinkish blur
that floated about.
"Shampoo?" he queried.
"She is out," Cologne answered. Mousse turned to the source of
the sound, and saw the tiny green and white blob that was all he could
make out of the old hag. (2)
"She is?" he asked, perplexed. He hadn't seen her leave, but
then again, that was not too surprising.
"Hai," the hag responded, then pointed her gnarled wooden staff
at him. "And you will be too if you don't get back to work." Mousse
grumbled under his breath, but obediently turned back to his task of
clearing the floors. "And after you're through here, I want you to
clear, wash and wax the tables, buff the floors, clean the kitchen,
re-wallpaper the walls, clean the chimney..."
"We don't have a chimney," Mousse pointed out without turning.
"Well then you'll have to build one first, won't you?" she
replied in an infuriatingly calm tone. Mousse knew better than to
argue, and merely returned to work with a self-pitying sigh. As he
lifted up a dead flower he could have sworn he had seen before, he was
temporarily distracted by the opening of the door to the restaurant.
"I back," a voice called, and Mousse almost shivered with
pleasure. Shampoo, he thought with longing. His darling had
returned. He started to stand up, but Cologne nearly knocked him
senseless with the curled end of the staff.
"I didn't say you could stop," the hag barked, then turned to her
great-granddaughter. Mousse couldn't see Shampoo, but could hear the
sound of her footfalls as her delicate legs carried her inside. He
could feel the vibrations as Cologne pogoed across the room, then came
to a stop. "It is good that you have returned, great-granddaughter."
Shampoo's footsteps stopped, and Mousse frowned. Good that she
was back, he thought suspiciously. What did the hag find so good
about it?
"What you say, o-baba?" Shampoo asked, her voice like the songs
of angels to Mousse's ears. It was only with a supreme effort that he
managed to fight off the urge to lose himself in that voice, and
continue listening.
"I have been thinking, Shampoo," Cologne began, "and more
importantly, I have been studying." Mousse continued working, trying
to appear casual.
"Study what, o-baba? Shampoo thought you know all things."
" Not quite. In fact, I had almost forgotten about something: a
secret technique of our tribe."
"New technique? What it do?"
Cologne chuckled evilly. "It will insure your victory over
son-in-law's heart, my dear." (3) Mousse forced himself to remain
steady and continue working.
"How technique help Shampoo?"
"It is the God's Eye Super Ultra Omni Mind Melter Technique," she
replied, as if that answered everything.
"God's Eye Super Ultra Omni Mind Melter Technique?" Shampoo
repeated, obviously confused.
God's Eye Super Ultra Omni Mind Melter Technique? Mousse thought,
his confusion equalling Shampoo's.
"Yes. A secret technique that takes all a person's mental energy
and transforms it into a powerful destructive beam." Mousse started,
but was able to hide the movement in an uncomfortable shrug of his
shoulder. A destructive beam? He almost shuddered at the thought of
Cologne wielding a force like that. But if he could learn the
technique...
His thought trailed off as Cologne began to speak again. "But
the technique has one major weakness, which is why it isn't normally
used." Mousse listened intently. "The beam absorbs all the users
mental capacity, leaving him or her a mindless zombie. A zombie that
we could reprogram to our leisure." Mousse picked up another piece of
garbage, wondering how this could possibly help Cologne. Evidently
Shampoo had the same thoughts, because she asked as much. Cologne
sighed in exasperation. "We will make Ranma use the technique, then
reprogram him to love only you!"
"Aiya!" Shampoo cried in joy. "Is good!" Mousse tended to
disagree. "But how we make Ranma use?"
Mousse could picture Cologne's evil smile in his mind, although
he couldn't see it. "For that, child, we need but one
thing...Tsubasa!"
"'Basa? Why need train-vest-eat?" Mousse wondered the same
thing, though in more understandable language.
"Just bring Tsubasa to me, Shampoo. I will handle the rest."
Shampoo agreed with a nod that Mousse couldn't see, than leaped out of
the Nekohanten. Mousse continued to work, having decided to bide his
time. If he, instead of Cologne, could get his hands on Ranma after
he used that technique...
********
1) The question probably would have been easier to answer if he had
been able to see Cologne dumping out the trash can behind him.
2) And in so doing, lost sight of the curtain he had been conversing
with.
3) That's right, it's time for another of Cologne's Convoluted Plots
(tm).
********
Tsubasa was in pain, but that was nothing new. He slid out of
the crater his impact had created with the wall, and landed on his
back. He grimaced as a passerby stepped on his stomach and continued
on without even apologising. Honestly, he thought as he raised up to
a kneeling position, what was this world coming to? The city was full
of weirdos.
He adjusted his skirt, smoothing out the pleats, then shifted his
blouse and coat around. He stood up, his shaved legs visible from the
knee down, and absently wriggled his feet until his high heels slid
back into place. Shaking his head, he tried to clear the wooziness
from his mind. It worked, and while his body still ached, he could at
least think clearly again. (1)
He looked longingly across at Ucchan's, and marvelled briefly at
how committed Ukyou was to her family. After all, she had been
willing to attack him; _him_, her love, in order to preserve the
illusion that she was really in love with Saotome. He frowned. There
had to be some way to force Ranma to release his hold on her, as only
then would she be free to express her true feelings for him. But how?
He walked over and sat next to a mailbox, disguising himself as a
newspaper dispenser. Pondering his dilemma, he tried with all his
brain power to come up with a solution, but couldn't find one.
A person shoved a coin into his fake slot, and Tsubasa handed him
a paper. The man blinked as an obviously human arm gave him the
paper, and a polite voice wished him a good day. Walking away, he was
surprised that the newspaper had such headlines as "Ranma's a jerk!"
and "Saotome is a girlfriend stealer!" He shook his head. Just
another one of those things in Nerima he didn't understand.
Tsubasa watched Ukyou hang her shop curtain and step inside, then
sighed with pleasure. How could any man resist her? She was perfect,
the ultimate specimen of femininity. Why was it she couldn't
appreciate his efforts to emulate her perfection? The answer was
harsh, and it came swiftly. Ranma. He was the source of her
reluctance, he poisoned her thoughts against him, he made her attack
him so he could get his perverse pleasure out of exercising total
control over his one true love. He would free his Ukyou-sama, he
thought with determination, no matter the cost!
He spent the rest of the morning trying to think of a way he
could do just that, but came up short. Violence, of course, suggested
itself often, but Tsubasa was hesitant to do that. Ranma had already
proven himself the better in combat. Besides, violence was
too...unfeminine, and above all he must remain true to his ideals.
Not that he discounted violence entirely, just that he should try
other ideas first.
Perhaps he could use Ranma's curse, that tragedy bestowed upon
him by the springs of Jyusenkyou, to his advantage. But how? Ranma's
ability to actually become a girl only served to increase his appeal
to Ukyou. (2) The curse, Tsubasa, decided, had to go...but he had no
idea how to go about it, and let the matter drop.
Finally he decided to trick Ranma, but was again stumped on
exactly how to do so. Ranma was shrewd, and had shown the ability to
see through even some of Tsubasa's best disguises (3), while at the
same time being fooled by some of the most simple ones. (4) He was
still debating the matter endlessly when the lunch crowd began to
leave Ucchan's.
Presently, he became aware of a sound off in the distance. It
was a dull crash, followed by numerous cries of chagrin. Tsubasa
frowned. What was going on?
The sounds came closer, and Tsubasa could hear a voice crying
out, "Where you? Come out now! Shampoo get angry!"
Shampoo! Tsubasa felt shock, then horror. He knew all about
Shampoo, another unfortunate victim of Saotome. Ranma regularly
forced her and Ukyou to fight over him. Tsubasa's lip curled. He
didn't know how sick you had to be to take pleasure in watching two
women fight. Obviously, Ranma had talked Shampoo into attacking Ukyou
again. That thought galvanized him. He had to protect his
Ukyou-sama. His mind raced to find a solution. Again, violence was
out of the question, but trickery wasn't. If Tsubasa could lure
Shampoo away long enough for him to find some cold water...
Quickly, he doffed his disguise as a newspaper dispenser, and
took out another one that he knew would work.
********
1) At least, as clearly as Tsubasa ever thought.
2) At least, that was Tsubasa's thoughts on the matter. Does it
really? I don't _think_ so. However, it bears mentioning that Ukyou,
of all of Ranma's friends and enemies, seemed the least discomfited by
his curse. In fact, she thought it was kinda neat. <shrug>
3) Like the one of a purple hippopotamus.
4) Like the one of a bush. Go figure, huh?
********
Shampoo was annoyed. It had been nearly half an hour, and there
was still no sign of Tsubasa. She had quickly decided that the most
likely place would be Ukyou's restaurant. After all, the
train-vest-eat was in love with the stupid chef. Though why
anybody-even a hentai like Tsubasa-would give a flying fig for Ukyou
was beyond Shampoo. So she set out for Ucchan's. Not being willing
to discount the possibility that Tsubasa was somewhere else, she
compromised by overturning cars and tearing out lampposts along the
way, while crying out Tsubasa's name.
After a few minutes this began to get boring, so she stepped up
her efforts, going so far as to break open walls, tear out fire
hydrants and grab perfectly innocent people to make sure they were not
Tsubasa. Now she was annoyed. She called out one more time, this
time delivering an ultimatum. Then she stalked around the final
corner before Ucchan's.
She stopped as a figure approached her. It was a boy, with short
black hair tied back in a bobbed pigtail. He wore a sleeveless satin
tunic and black pants. He was...
"RANMA!" she cried, tackling him. "NIHAO!" Ranma gasped in
surprise and fell to the ground. Shampoo sat down on his chest and
gazed lovingly into his face, her orders gone the way of the dodo.
She noted with some displeasure that he looked even more uncomfortable
than usual. Ranma was entirely too conservative, she decided. Her
smile widened, and she silently amended to take care of that when they
got a hold of his mind...wasn't there something she was supposed to do
about that? Then Ranma shifted his weight, and all other thoughts
were blown to pieces. "Ranma," she purred, snuggling her head against
his chest. "Shampoo so happy to see you here! Is good, ne?"
"Urr..." said Ranma, his voice strangely high-pitched.
Shampoo frowned. "Ranma have cough?"
"Uhh..yeah!' he coughed the words out, making Shampoo strain to
understand. He shifted his weight again, obviously trying to extract
himself. Shampoo rose to her feet, picking Ranma up in the process.
"Come Ranma, Shampoo know special cure for cough." She hugged
him, and Ranma nearly fainted. Obviously due to the sickness. "What
you do out, anyway?"
"Obviously he came to see me!" a voice growled from behind, and
Shampoo cried out as someone grabbed her hair and yanked her off
Ranma. He collapsed to his knees, trying to catch his breath. "Now
get _off_ my fiancee!"
Shampoo growled and spun to face the newcomer, yanking her hair
from the stupid cook's hands. She faced Ukyou, and Shampoo vaguely
remembered that they _had_ been across the street from Ucchan's. "Go
'way!" she hissed. "Ranma come with Shampoo, take medicine!"
Ukyou slipped her giant combat spatula out of the harness on her
back, and got into combat position. "I'm not going to let you force
Ranchan to take another love potion," she said, her voice deathly
quiet. "I won't stand by while you cheat!"
Shampoo sneered, and slipped her bonbori out of their clever
hiding place. "All fair in war n' peace." She shifted her gaze away
from Ukyou as she heard a clattering, and saw Ranma trying to climb
into a garbage can as unobtrusively as possible. Shampoo blinked in
confusion. What was Ranma doing? One might almost think he was
running away...and wasn't he a bit shorter than usual...? "Where you
go, Ranma?" Ranma froze.
"Yeah, Saotome," Ukyou called out, "you aren't trying to skip out
on me, are you?" Ranma spun slowly about, a large grin fixed firmly
on his face and a desperate look in his eyes...was there something
wrong with those eyes? They seemed... "Well, Ranchan," Ukyou called,
cutting off Shampoo's train of thought, "are you going to answer me or
what?"
"Um...that is..." Again Ranma coughed out the words. For some
peculiar reason he was sweating. Probably the fever, Shampoo decided.
She turned to Ukyou in triumph.
"There, see?" she sneered. "Ranma have cough. Shampoo only
help." However, Ukyou didn't appear to be listening. Instead, she
was staring at Ranma, her eyes wide and her mouth agape.
"I don't believe it," the okonomiyaki chef breathed.
"Well believe. Shampoo..."
"Ukyou growled, a low grumbling sound like an animal about to
attack. "H-how DARE you!" she snarled, and clenched her fist,
knuckles turning white with rage. "Of all the...the stupid, pathetic,
idiotic..." Shampoo blinked, suddenly aware that Ukyou's hostility
was not directed at her, but at...Ranma? Why would Ukyou be mad at...
"U-ukyou-sama, I can explain!" Shampoo started as she heard the
voice. It most definitely was _not_ Ranma's. She turned to
see...Ranma (?) backing away, waving his arms frantically. "I was
just...that is..." he stammered, in a voice far too high-pitched to be
Ranma's. Shampoo stared as the pieces of the puzzle began to fall
into place. Then Ukyou was suddenly striding past her, towards...him.
"TSUBASA!" Ukyou spat, and the now-revealed imposter cringed.
"You _dare_ impersonate my Ranchan! I'll...I'll KILL you!" She
pulled back her combat spatula, preparing to strike.
Just bring Tsubasa to me, Cologne's voice echoed in Shampoo's
mind, and her orders became clear again. Tsubasa, she thought, Ukyou
no kill 'Basa! "Ukyou no hurt!" Shampoo yelled, and blocked the
spatula in mid-swing. Ukyou blinked.
"Wait, this isn't..." Ukyou began, but Shampoo cut her off.
"Shampoo know all she need know!" the Amazon growled. "You no
hurt him! Shampoo protect him!"
Ukyou blinked again, then chuckled with amusement. "Go ahead,
Shampoo." She backed away and gestured invitingly towards the
imposter. "He's all yours."
"Ukyou!" Tsubasa cried, shocked.
"Hai, Shampoo take him!" She stepped over and threw the fake
Ranma over her shoulder. "You no follow Shampoo! He mine now!" She
leapt onto the roof, and began to go back towards the Nekohanten.
"Bye-bye!" Ukyou voice trailed off. "Have fun, _Ranma_!"
"Ukyou-sama!" Tsubasa wailed despairingly.
********
Ryouga had no idea where he was, not that that was anything
unusual. Actually, the whole concept of not knowing where he was
probably the one constant in his life...that, and Akane. He sat down,
absently realizing that he was in a park.
"Oh Akane," he soliloquised, "you are like a distant star, a
thing so perfect that your very existence breaths life into the world,
a guiding light in the fog of despair I must endure, and object so far
from my grasp I can not stand it. But I will strive for you, Akane
Tendo. I will allow myself this one dream, this small point of hope,
even though it may cause my heart to shatter like glass on the
stones." He sighed, in what was a mixture of happiness and despair.
Leaning his head to his chest, he tried to picture Akane in his mind,
but was distracted by a sudden noise. He tried to ignore it, dreaming
of his love. However, the sound persisted, and he looked up in
irritation...and blinked. There, just beyond the lip of a stage, sat
row upon row of people, all clapping softly and smiling at him. He
leaped up and looked around, realizing that what he had thought was a
park was really a very elaborate set. He scanned about for an escape,
but found none.
"I thought this was Shakespeare," a man in the front row said.
"Who cares?" his companion replied. "That was a nice speech.
You could really _feel_ his anguish."
Ryouga stood, stunned, then quickly fled from the stage with the
tatters of his dignity trailing behind him.
********
Shampoo arrived at the Nekohanten not long after leaving
Ucchan's. Tsubasa hadn't had an opportunity to doff his Ranma
disguise, and he was terrified that Shampoo would...he shuddered,
unable to complete the thought. Briefly, an image of Shampoo appeared
in his mind, her eyes closed, her lips puckered, coming
closer...closer...he nearly fainted. The thought that he might be
defiled by any save his Ukyou-sama was almost too much to bear. (1) I
should have seen this coming, he silently chided himself. And, of
course, he should have-were not all his disguises perfect?
Then Shampoo dumped him unceremoniously on the floor. Tsubasa
grunted in pain and surprise. Shampoo had never treated Ranma like
this...at least, not in public.
"Great-grandmother!" the Amazon shouted. "Shampoo back, and she
bring him!"
"Good day, Shampoo," a voice called from across the room.
Tsubasa turned towards it and saw Mousse, his white robe covered in
splotches of glue. A piece of wallpaper hung off the wall behind him,
and he held a smoothing trowel in one hand. A kindred spirit. Like
himself, Mousse struggled to wrest his true love from Saotome's foul
clutches.
"Get back work, Mousse!" Shampoo snapped. Tsubasa knew that,
also like himself, Mousse was forced to endure unjust hardship from
his love. Again Saotome played games with others. Mousse sighed and
went back to wallpapering.
Then Cologne bounced out from the back room, using her gnarled
staff like a pogo to carry her over to Shampoo. "Very good." Cologne
paused, and examined Tsubasa. "Hmph. For a moment, I thought you got
the wrong one, but this is indeed the person I want." She looked over
at Mousse. "Boy!"
"What?" Mousse asked, turning around.
"You put up the wrong wallpaper," Cologne said calmly.
"But this is the stuff you gave..."
Cologne cut him off. "For that, I want you to go down to the
store and pick up some new wallpaper."
"What kind?" Mousse sighed.
"The right kind!" Cologne snapped, then added, "And you're going
to have to pay for it out of your own salary."
"What salary?" asked Mousse curiously.
"Do you want a pay cut?" Mousse threw up his hands in
exasperation and walked out. Cologne turned to face Tsubasa, who
cringed. He had heard about Cologne and her habitual use of magic and
trickery to make Ranma marry Shampoo. If he fell in love with
Shampoo...Tsubasa gulped. (2)
"Tsubasa." Cologne stated, and the transvestite froze. Cologne
had seen through his disguise. That meant he wouldn't be subjected
to...to...that stuff from Shampoo. He sighed in relief.
"Hai, hai, it's Tsubasa! Not Ranma, I only did this to...well,
that isn't important. Can I go now?"
"Why?" Cologne asked. Her large eyes seemed amused, but her face
was solemn.
"Huh?"
"We no want Ranma," Shampoo clarified. "We want you." Tsubasa
began to panic again. Of course! It had been inevitable; Shampoo had
fallen in love with him. Why did he have to be so naturally
attractive to women? He lamented then his decision to emulate Ukyou;
obviously many other women appreciated it as well...maybe he should...
"How would you like to have Ukyou all to yourself, boy?" Cologne
asked, sending Tsubasa's train of thought off the rails and into a
nearby building where dozens of lives were lost... (3) Tsubasa didn't
know how to react. His mind was too...well...he couldn't think,
confusion rocked him, and his thoughts fought each other in a savage
conflict as turmoil broke out in Upper Slobovia again... (4) Suffice
it to say he was confused.
"Huh?" he repeated, unable to think of anything more intelligent
to say.
"Let me put it this way," Cologne continued smoothly. "If Ranma
marries Shampoo, what happens to Ukyou?" Tsubasa paused, and despite
the protestations of his brain at so much work after so little
exercise, the pieces slid slowly into place.
"She would be free!" he exclaimed. "Free to marry me!" His
mouth opened wide in happiness. Cologne smiled evilly.
"Indeed, boy. And all you have to do is defeat Ranma. Simple,
ne?" Tsubasa stared at her, blinking. This went on for quite a while
as his mind slowly processed the data. Then he began to laugh; a
little girlish titter that sounded ludicrous given the serious
expressions of Cologne and Shampoo.
" THAT'S your _plan_?" he chortled incredulously. "_I_ could
have come up with a better plan than THAT!" Cologne frowned, and
began to tap her staff on the ground impatiently.
"I assure you," the old hag hissed, "I have well-thought out this
plan."
"Oh? And how do you expect me to beat Ranma? It's not as if I'm
some all-powerful martial artist who has been hiding my true power
until the time was ripe for me to strike."
"Indeed," Cologne snapped, "but I have decided to help you.
Shampoo will train you in the art of battle, and teach you _how_ to
defeat son-in-law." Tsubasa thought about that for a moment, and in
his typical manner, made up his mind long before he had considered all
the information.
"I refuse."
Cologne blinked. "You...refuse?"
"Having a problem with your Japanese?"
Cologne smiled evilly. 'That's a shame. I feel sorry for poor
Ukyou..."
"Hai," Tsubasa agreed mournfully, "she is in a bad situation."
"After all, we now have to stoop to less _wholesome_ methods..."
"All luck to you," he said cheerfully.
"The thought of Ukyou hurt repulses me, but..."
Tsubasa sniffed. "Hai, I don't know what I'd do if Ukyou-sama
got hurt."
"Obviously subtlety is lost on you," Cologne growled. She loomed
in menacingly, causing Tsubasa to pull back in fear. "Listen up. If
you don't agree to help me, I will personally _kill_ your Ukyou!"
Tsubasa gasped. What was the old hag saying? What _was_ the old
hag saying...he remembered, and gasped again. The whole effort of
having to think so much in such a short time threatened to overwhelm
his meagre mental machinations.
"Do you understand now?" Tsubasa nodded slowly. Cologne had
managed to get to him. The implications of the entire thing were
hideous..._monstrous_! The very thought of Ukyou, so full of life, so
bright and loving...cold...pale...and still...
"YES!" Tsubasa screamed, unable to continue the thought. "I'll
do it! Just don't hurt Ukyou-sama!"
"Excellent," Cologne said, in her infuriatingly calm,
I-already-knew-it voice.
"But I can't..." Tsubasa added softly. Cologne cocked an
eyebrow, and the boy stuttered a bit before finally managing to talk
understandably. "I can't fight Ranma, it...it...wouldn't be
feminine!"
"You've got to be kidding," Cologne muttered. She shook her head
and looked Tsubasa straight in the eye. "Tell me, boy, is Ukyou
feminine?"
Tsubasa was incredulous. "Of _course_ she is! She's the most
beautiful, alluring, kawaii feminine creature on the face of the
earth! No man could resist her!" (5)
"And Ukyou is a fighter?"
"Hai, she must defend herself from that jerk Ranma!"
"Then think of it this way. If Ukyou, the most feminine woman in
your life, can learn to fight to protect herself, than you must be
able to fight to protect her."
"I...I guess so..." Tsubasa conceded.
"Good." Cologne pulled back to a more comfortable distance,
though Tsubasa thought the old hag would have to go to the moon before
he was comfortable. "Shampoo, take him in back and train him in the
basics. If he refuses or objects, tell me. I'll make sure there's
enough left of Ukyou to identify." Cologne smiled evilly at Tsubasa
as Shampoo walked over to the quivering transvestite.
"Come, we go train." Shampoo took the boy by the collar and
dragged him into the rear of the restaurant.
********
1) Of course, he _could_ have taken off his disguise and revealed his
real identity...but Tsubasa wasn't quite ready yet to take death
before dishonour.
2) I wonder who would find that more unappealing: Tsubasa or Shampoo?
3) Sorry about that, I was watching the news. Back to our story...
4) Gomen, the news again. I'll shut off the TV.
5)The glare Shampoo directed towards Tsubasa at this point could
probably have set off several explosions and melted steel. Of course,
it didn't even faze the solid bone skull of the transvestite.
********
Shampoo was getting annoyed. Again. It had been almost two
hours since she had taken Tsubasa back here, and now she was waiting
for him to wake up. Again. When they first came in, Shampoo had
asked Tsubasa to attack her, which led to a long discussion...
"Attack Shampoo."
"Why?"
"'Cause Shampoo say so."
"Uh...okay...where is the shampoo?"
"Right here!"
"Where?"
"HERE!"
"Okay okay, no need to yell. I'll attack the shampoo."
"Hai...well?"
"I'm waiting for you to show...ugh!"
Finally, the confusion had been cleared (1), and he had finally
attacked. Now, in order to properly understand her reaction to that,
you must understand that first and foremost Shampoo is a martial
artist; trained since birth by a tribe that honoured and revered these
disciplines. She was used to the careful, intricate, and strangely
beautiful dance of death where disciplined manoeuvres that could kill
with a touch were countered by equally practised countermoves. Where
the skilled warrior always won out over the unskilled, no matter how
strong, and only those willing to sacrifice all for the art could ever
hope to be called the best. Thus, you must imagine Shampoo's
expression when Tsubasa ran up to her and smacked her repeatedly with
curled wrists and all the force of a sluggish mosquito, because it
cannot be adequately described by such a limited medium as the written
word.
In fact, Shampoo was so shocked by this that she wasn't able to
crush him into a ball for an entire minute. Then she had been forced
to wait a few minutes longer for him to wake up, before she asked him
to attack her again, thinking she must have hallucinated earlier. The
same results ensued. This continued at increasingly longer intervals,
until finally Shampoo began to wonder about Tsubasa's skill level.
Shampoo checked the wall clock. It had been fifteen minutes. It
occurred to her that she might have killed him. With a sigh, she
walked over and checked his pulse. It was there, unusually strong for
an unconscious boy. Apparently, years of being pounded on by Ukyou
had imparted a necessary resilience to the transvestite. It was a
wonder he was still unconscious, Shampoo thought, maybe he was
faking...but no. Shampoo dismissed that thought even before she
finished it. That was ludicrous.
After another couple of minutes, Shampoo decided it was time to
get help. The lack of any kind a measurable progress in the training
was beginning to tell on her. "O-baba!" she cried. "Shampoo need
help!"
After a short delay, the door opened and Cologne came in,
frowning. "Keep your voice down," the old hag warned. "Mousse has
returned, and he mustn't discover our plan."
"Hai," Shampoo agreed. It simply wouldn't do for Mousse to
interfere.
"Now what seems to be the..." she noticed Tsubasa. "I see. I
think we've overestimated his ability...and his stamina."
"Shampoo only use first year move," she said, shaking her head.
"He not even try dodge." Cologne frowned, and pogoed over to the
unconscious transvestite.
"It should be simple to restore him," she mused. "I'll just whip
up a batch of Kia'karabah pills."
"Kee-kar-kai-can...?" Shampoo mumbled.
"Think of them as industrial-strength morphine," Cologne said,
switching back to Chinese for her great-granddaughter's benefit.
"Painkillers and minor restoratives. They aren't addictive, but do
leave a person groggy and dull-witted for several days afterward.
That shouldn't affect him all that much."
"Aiya!" Shampoo cried happily. "That be good!"
********
1) Shampoo thought shoving his face through the punching bag helped.
********
Over the next few days the training proceeded despite numerous
setbacks, mostly having to do with Tsubasa's femininity complex. The
hardest one being his idea that punching was unfeminine, finally
rectified when they decided to stick to kicks. In fact, to Cologne's
pleasant surprise, the years of cramming himself into various absurd
costumes had imparted on him a flexibility that made kicks natural.
Another large obstacle turned out to be trying to introduce a
completely foreign concept to Tsubasa: dodging. Tsubasa seemed unable
to grasp the idea that evading a fist could avoid the pain and injury
associated with it. Eventually Cologne gave up on dodging, telling
Shampoo that all Tsubasa needed to do was give a minuscule challenge
for their plan to work.
Finally, after nearly a week and several hundred pills later, it
was over.
********
Mousse carefully laid another brick into the mortar. With a
delicate tap from his trowel he set it in place. He sighed.
Finished. It had taken him a week, but he was finished. He looked at
the grey blur that to anyone else would appear as a chimney. He
wondered briefly what Cologne wanted it for; she certainly wasn't
going to burn anything in the fireplace he had built. In fact, he
couldn't think of a single reason to build a chimney. If he didn't
know better, he'd say that this was completely pointless and only
meant to keep his attention away from something else... (1)
"Mousse." He blinked. Had he heard correctly? Was Cologne
calling him? "Mousse!" The second time left no doubt. Evidently she
had concocted another ludicrous and humiliating chore for him to do.
Enjoy it while you can old crone, he thought maliciously. Once he had
his hands on Ranma after he used that technique... He chuckled, then
forced a bored expression onto his face and leaped to the ground.
With an air of annoyance, he walked inside.
"What took you so long?" the green and white blur croaked at him.
Mousse briefly considered telling her to mind her own business, but
decided he didn't feel like spending the day with a concussion.
"Quiet today, aren't you?"
"What is it?" he asked in a sullen tone.
"Shampoo needs your help. Follow me." Cologne pogoed away, but
Mousse didn't immediately follow. Shampoo needed his help! It was
his day to be free! He would prove how incredible he really was! He
struck a dramatic pose, one leg bent so he was leaning back and a fist
raised skyward.
"Fear not, Shampoo!" he shouted to the heavens, "I shall assist
you even if it means my death!" With that, he took off after Cologne
and ran inside the training hall. "Shampoo, I'm here!" he cried, and
grabbed the first blur large enough to be his true love.
"Eeeeek!" she cried in an unfamiliar voice. "Get him off!" At
this point she shifted, and Mousse's glasses fell off his forehead and
over his eyes. He blinked...brown hair, a school uniform of some kind
and a vaguely familiar voice...
"You're not Shampoo!" he accused, and thrust whoever he had
grabbed away. The girl, whoever she was, seemed immensely relieved by
this.
"Shampoo over here, stupid," his darling's voice mocked. He
turned and leaped, glomping her thoroughly; her solid base, her wiry
middle, her leafy top...he was starting to wonder about this when
Shampoo peeled him off the plant and dumped him unceremoniously on the
floor.
"What's he doing here?" the as-yet-unidentified third person
asked.
"It's time you graduated to real opponents," Cologne answered.
Mousse wondered what she meant about opponents, but his current
proximity to Shampoo was doing not entirely unpleasant things to his
brain which made it difficult to think.
"Wasn't Shampoo a real opponent?" the third person said-Mousse
could _almost_ place the voice-in a tired tone.
"Shampoo was training you, not fighting you." Alarm bells went
off in Mousse's head. Training, he thought, who is she training? At
this point, however, Shampoo picked Mousse up and stood him on his
feet, and her touch dispelled all thoughts.
"W-why thank you, Shampoo," he said, grinning foolishly.
"Quiet Mousse," Shampoo hissed. "Get rid of weapons."
"Weapons?" Mousse blinked in confusion.
"You fight, but no use weapons."
"Fight who?"
"'Basa."
Basa? No, it couldn't be... "You don't mean _Tsubasa_?" he asked
incredulously.
"Yes, yes, now do it."
"You've got to be kidding," Mousse laughed. "I don't need my
weapons to beat him!" Mousse wasn't wearing his usual robe, as he had
been working on the chimney. Instead, he had on a t-shirt, heavy work
gloves and corduroy pants. As a consequence, he did not have nearly
as many hidden weapons to relinquish as usual; however, the pile was
still impressively large and contained everything from chains and
swords to pillows, flowers and stuffed animals. Once he was finished,
he cracked his knuckles. Here was a chance to show off his impressive
skills for Shampoo.
"Now fight Mousse, 'Basa," Shampoo ordered.
"What is it with you people and cleaning products?" There was a
growl, and the dull whump of a bonbori striking a palm. Tsubasa
gulped. "Okay, fine!" Mousse watched Tsubasa shift to face him. He
didn't even bother getting into combat position. This would be so
easy as to be laughable.
"Ready..." Cologne stated...
********
1) Nah.
********
"Go!" she yelled. Shampoo watched as Tsubasa charged towards the
arrogantly calm Mousse. There was no doubt in Shampoo's mind about
the inevitable outcome of this battle, but she was more interested in
how well the train-vest-eat applied his limited knowledge, not his
win/loss record.
Tsubasa cried out and performed a forward kick. It was probably
the simplest kick in martial arts, and the easiest to counter. Thus,
it was no surprise when Mousse caught Tsubasa's ankle and tossed him
across the room. What _was_ a surprise-at least to Mousse-was that
when the train-vest-eat struck the far wall, he staggered slightly but
didn't topple. (1)
"Excellent," Cologne said. "Watch the rest of the fight,
great-granddaughter. I must prepare for the next part of our plan.
And don't forget to...handle Mousse."
"No worries. Shampoo know what do." As Cologne exited, Tsubasa
charged at Mousse, who was scratching his head.
"Lucky," Mousse concluded. "Let's see you handle this!" He
cocked back his fist.
Tsubasa gunned towards him at breakneck speed. Mousse grinned
and began his swing...when suddenly, Tsubasa tripped and fell
face-first on the ground. His momentum sent him skidding under
Mousse's swing. Tsubasa yelped, and thrust his hands down to try and
halt himself. This had the unexpected effect of flipping him upward.
Shampoo blinked; to her, it had appeared as if Tsubasa had dived,
and was now flipping up to attack. Then his flailing legs connected
with Mousse's face, and there was the tinkle of breaking glass.
Mousse staggered back, and Tsubasa fell to the floor.
Shampoo no teach 'Basa that, she thought with surprise as he
staggered to his feet. Mousse, meanwhile, was yelling like an enraged
bear and making wild swings at mid-air, his frames emptied of their
clarifying lenses. Tsubasa managed to stay on his feet, and with the
stealth built up over many years of sneaking around after Ukyou he
came up behind the raging Mousse, who had added some colourful
dialogue to his roaring.
With a cry, Tsubasa lifted his foot, planted it firmly on
Mousse's behind and pushed. Mousse yelped as the completely
irrational move took him off-guard, tumbled forward...and caught his
chin on a pair of balance bars that had been moved off to one side.
His eyes rolled up in his head, and he slumped to the ground,
unconscious.
"I...won..." Tsubasa breathed in disbelief.
"Aiya," Shampoo said softly, herself unable to come to terms with
it.
"I won," Tsubasa said, in a firmer tone. "I beat him." He
smiled, and looked at Shampoo. "Can I go kill Ranma now?" Shampoo
nodded mutely, not really hearing the question, and Tsubasa walked
out.
"Aiya."
********
1) That was, of course, because Cologne had given Tsubasa a triple
dose of painkiller before the fight.
********
Nerima at noon, two days later. Ranma was walking alongside one
of the many canals, his eyes locked with distaste on the gathering
storm clouds overhead.
Something was wrong, he thought as he leaped onto the railing.
He could feel it in his gut, an occasional tightening like a warning
strobe. Something that had developed over many years of what was
arguably the most disaster-riddled life on the planet. But he'd be
damned if he could figure out _what_ was wrong. It had something to
do with the disappearance of Tsubasa, that he was sure of. He also
felt that Cologne was involved, but she had been behind things so many
times in the past that it was easy to accuse her. (1)
But it _did_ involve Tsubasa. Ranma had heard the story of his
last appearance from Ukyou. He really found it hard to believe that
Shampoo would be fooled so thoroughly by the freak's disguise.
Granted, Shampoo wasn't exactly a rocket scientist, but she knew about
Tsubasa and was extremely familiar with Ranma. He shook his head.
Things were just too weird and twisted in Nerima for him to understand
it all. And to top everything off, Mousse hadn't been seen for two
days, and Ryouga was long overdue for his usual return and assault.
If he didn't know better, he'd think all his rivals were disappearing.
But no. Nothing that good EVER happened to him. He _should_ have
been happy. After all, the last week or so had been relatively
peaceful. Maybe that was it. Maybe he had become so used to
challenges and attacks and mayhem and outright disasters that a few
peaceful days were throwing his nerves into panic.
At this point, his path divulged from the canal, so he leaped off
the fence and started down the side street. He couldn't believe he
was doing this. Actually _looking_ for Tsubasa seemed...just plain
wrong. But that gnawing wouldn't go away, he knew, until he knew what
was going on. Ignorance may be bliss, but Ranma had learned that
surprises weren't good for his health. Thus, he was making his way to
Ucchan's, in order to see if Ukyou had heard anything about the freak.
Not that she was likely to care about Tsubasa; in fact, she had all
but thrown a party the fourth day after his disappearance.
He forced himself to stop thinking about it as his fiancee and
friend's restaurant came into view. Strolling casually up to the
door, he let himself in. Ukyou was too busy serving food at the
moment to notice him, but that didn't last long.
"RANCHAN!" she called, and waved at him. She finished with her
current batch of orders in about .3 nanoseconds and vaulted over the
counter. The smile on her face was wider than normal, her face more
shiningly happy, her stance more easy and carefree. "What brings you
here? Never mind, any reason's fine..."
"Ucchan..."
"Why don't you take a seat, or would you prefer to stand?"
"Ukyou..."
"Are you hungry? Thirsty? Neither? Both?"
"_Ukyou_!"
"Hai?" she said calmly.
"Can I speak now?"
"Of course you can," she smiled. "I'm just so glad that you're
here, I can barely contain myself!" She spun around happily, her
entire form as exuberant as a cat who had found a lake of cream.
Ranma found himself wondering where she got the energy.
"I was just wondering about Tsubasa..." Ukyou laughed at his
words. "What?" Ranma asked, mildly hurt.
"I just thought you said 'Tsubasa'." She grinned at him and for
a moment he began to find her happiness contagious, but then his glum
returned. "But that would be foolish."
"And why is that?" he asked, a trifle defensively.
"Because some things are best left forgotten." She gestured
towards the window. "It's a great day, life is peaceful, and all the
little annoyances are gone. What could possibly go wrong?"
There was a rolling boom of thunder, and a fork of lightning split the
sky. Ranma looked out as a torrential downpour started outside.
"Looks like I'll be staying here until this passes," Ranma said,
as he watched the hated water tumble down, and heard the snaredrum
staccato of it on the roof.
"I don't think so!" Ranma spun towards the door, which had just
banged open. Another fork of lightning silouhetted the figure, which
stood with one hand gripping the frame and the other holding the door
open as its dress flapped around it from the wind. Then the shadows
flitted away and Tsubasa stepped in, allowing the door to slam shut
behind him. His eyes narrowed menacingly. "In fact, you won't spend
another minute in this place ever again!"
********
1) Far too easy. Ranma had once found himself suspecting Cologne of
forcing his teacher to do that pop quiz.
********
"What are you talking about?" she vaguely heard Ranma say. But
this was one of those few times when Ranma wasn't her primary concern.
Ukyou was more interested in Tsubasa-that was, in his imminent demise.
How dare he show up, she screamed silently. Couldn't he stay away?
Especially when she and Ranma were alone... She briefly surveyed the
restaurant, where the crowd was watching the oncoming entertainment
with anticipation. Well, relatively alone. She unsheathed her combat
spatula and took a menacing step forward.
"You idiot!" she growled. "Get out of my restaurant before I
kill you!"
Tsubasa looked at her sympathetically. "Don't worry, Ukyou-sama,
I'll take care of Ranma for you." As Ukyou watched, Tsubasa stepped
into something resembling a combat stance. Ranma's jaw dropped.
"You want to _fight_?!" he blurted out incredulously. "Haven't
you figured out you can't beat me?"
"Let's just say," smirked the transvestite, "that I've decided to
play different this time." Ukyou took another step forward, preparing
to swat Tsubasa, but Ranma pulled her back.
"No, Ucchan. If it's a fight Tsubasa wants, it's a fight he'll
get." Ukyou almost protested, then decided that it didn't matter who
trashed the freak, as long as he got trashed.
"Fine." She backed away, using special breathing exercises to
calm herself. "Just break a few bones for me, Ranchan."
"You bet," smiled Ranma. He took an easy step forward, in a
casual manner that showed his absolute lack of doubt about the outcome
of this battle.
"Prepare to die," Tsubasa hissed in his most threatening tone.
(1) Ranma stared at the transvestite from a second. It started as a
twitch, gradually developed into a grin, then a low chuckle began to
tumble from Ranma's lips.
"Oh, that's rich!" He started to guffaw. "I needed that!
Thanks for the laugh!" And with that, he burst into gales of
laughter, his hands clutching his chest and his chin tilted upward.
His eyes, streaming tears of mirth, were closed, so he didn't see
Tsubasa stamp his foot in rage.
"I'm serious!" Tsubasa whined. "Don't laugh at me!" Ranma
either didn't hear Tsubasa's threat, or he didn't care. Most likely
the latter, Ukyou decided. "Fine, than this is on your own fool
head!" Tsubasa cried. He sprinted half the distance to Ranma and
launched himself into the air. With surprise-complete and utter
surprise-Ukyou watched Tsubasa curl up, then swing around and launch
out his foot in a perfect dropkick. Tsubasa buried his foot-toe
first-in Ranma's upturned chin...
The universe is a big place-am I a master of understatement or
what?-and we mere mortals cannot hope to comprehend it. There are
forces and powers we cannot begin to understand; event that have no
explanation by science, logic or reality as we know it; occurrences
that step beyond past experience, beyond all prior knowledge, and
enter a world where only the insane are truly sane. (2) Scientists
cannot explain these rare events, cannot understand these unusual
things. All they can do is name them. And they call them...flukes.
...and with a thump, Ranma collapsed to the floor. The room went
silent. Tsubasa stood over Ranma, his face amazed and delighted.
Ukyou stared, open-mouthed, her spatula dangling loosely in one hand.
Her stream of consciousness suddenly became a chaotic waterfall. She
couldn't think clearly; her world had crashed as logic finally blew
into a million pieces. She kept expecting at any second for Ranma to
flash that familiar arrogant smile, leap to his feet and disembowel
(3) Tsubasa. But he didn't. He just lay there, his arms
outstretched, his eyes rolled back into his head and his tongue
lolling out.
Time warped, stretching into an eternity that lasted what had to
be less than a minute. Then a evil smile slowly crept across
Tsubasa's face. He stepped back. "I won." He began to shake with
pleasure. "I warned you, Ranma." He began to chuckle insanely as his
drew himself up to his full height. "I, Kurenai Tsubasa, have
_defeated_ RANMA SAOTOME!!!" He threw his head back and began to
laugh megalomaniacally. On the first syllable, thunder boomed and
lightning briefly silouhetted the transvestite. The combined effect
finally managed to shock Ukyou's brain back into working order. She
gripped her combat spatula so hard that her knuckles turned white.
"Yooooouuuu..." she growled, somehow managing to pour every ounce
of hatred and loathing she felt towards him into that one word.
Tsubasa stopped laughing and turned towards her, his eyes shining.
"Ukyou-sama! Did you see?"
"Hai," she snapped, stalking forward. "I saw _all_ of it."
"Then come!' he cried in a Kunouesque fashion, extending his
hand. "You don't have to fear...gack!" Ukyou slammed her spatula
into his side, sending the transvestite tumbling into the door.
"Ukyou?" he gasped, in surprise and pain.
"You FREAK!!!" she screamed, and charged. Tsubasa "eep'd" as she
slammed his head into the doorframe, lifted him up on her spatula,
kicked open the door and catapulted him skywards.
"UKYou-saamaaaaa...*" his voice receded as he approached the
stratosphere. In an instant Ukyou's whole manner changed, from
supreme anger to intense worry. She dropped her spatula, leaving it
outside as she sprinted over to Ranma's motionless form.
"RANCHAN!!!" she cried-literally-as she leaned over him.
********
1) Which, considering that Tsubasa is a kawaii, skinny transvestite
with a voice that matches his appearance, wasn't really all that
threatening.
2) Ooooh, philosophical.
3) Her hope, not what she actually thought would happen.
********
Ryouga pushed his way through the crowd, his eyes scanning the
skyline. Monoliths of concrete and glass thrust upward, like
tress...no, not like trees. Trees grew up towards the sun. These
grew up, away from the world below; reaching and stretching to escape,
carrying those with the power away from those without.
He brought his eyes back down to the people, their white, black,
yellow and red skin glistening in the sweltering heat. Men in
business suits rubbed shoulders with women in leather as they each
hurried to nowhere, with high purposes and robot-like determination.
Beyond them, cars were parked bumper to bumper in the street, engines
roaring, and smoke and fumes drifting upward into the world of the
lofty spires, reminding all those with the power that the world waited
below. (1)
For the thousandth time or so, Ryouga wondered just where the
hell he was. It couldn't be Tokyo, since none of the signs were in
Japanese. In fact, if he wasn't mistaken, they all seemed to be
in...English? _English_?! That wasn't right...it was then that Ryouga
realized how long it had been since he was last in Nerima. He
stopped. Obviously, he was more lost than usual...and there was only
one explanation for that.
"RANMA!" he roared, shaking his umbrella at the sky. People
stared at him, backing away. "I don't know how, but I know you're
responsible!" He charged off in a random direction, ignoring the
people that scattered out of his path. Ahead, a wall loomed into
view. He would have to change course...no! If there was one thing
Ryouga knew, it was to always move in straight lines. (2) He pulled
back one fist and extended two fingers. Thrusting it ahead, he
shouted "BAKUSAI TEN KETSU!!!" There was an explosion, and a horrible
cracking noise...
********
1) Sheesh! Aren't you impressed with my masterful insight into the
human psyche yet?
2) That way, he didn't usually go in circles. Usually.
********
Ukyou couldn't stand waiting. Especially when her Ranchan's life
was involved. Right after her disposal of Tsubasa, she had picked up
Ranma and sprinted right to Dr. Tofu's. Not once, in the whole trip,
had Ranma made a sound. Even the transformation hadn't caused him to
wake up. It hadn't taken her long to reach the doctor's, at which
point Tofu had taken one look at her beloved and immediately carried
him into the "Ranma Room", that special area set aside for Ranma's
various injuries. From the look on his face, Ukyou would have guessed
Ranma was dying, probably would have thought so herself if she hadn't
felt his steady pulse.
As she waited, she found her mind wandering. She couldn't get
that horrible picture, of a triumphant Tsubasa standing over her
fallen Ranchan, out of her head. How could _Tsubasa_ have possibly
learned enough martial arts to even bother Ranma, much less beat him
with one kick? He had only been missing for a week or so, hardly
enough time to learn the basics...especially for Tsubasa, whose
learning curve was slightly above that of the average rock. Finally,
she came to one bloodchilling conclusion. Tsubasa had _always_ known
the martial arts. But why wait so long to show it? Ukyou couldn't
answer that question, and that ate at her like a dog gnawing at a
bone.
Her head snapped up as she heard the waiting room door open. Dr.
Tofu stepped in, his manner a strange mixture of sorrow and...relief?
"Well?" Ukyou asked.
"There's nothing else I can do," he said in a level voice. Ukyou
blinked, her eyes suddenly brimming.
"He's not..."
"Oh no," Tofu said with an apologetic smile. "He'll be fine in a
day or so. What did he do to get Cologne so angry?"
"Cologne?" repeated Ukyou in confusion.
"It was Happousai?" Tofu frowned. "I wouldn't think he'd go
through all the trouble..."
"What are you talking about?"
"What happened to Ranma," he replied. "Somebody used the Ikusaki
Atemi (1), a pressure point that transforms all of a person's fighting
spirit into crippling energy. Considering Ranma's proven skill, he
could be out for a few days."
"But..." she began, flabbergasted.
"Of course, it's strange that they did it. It takes nearly a
year studying a person's fighting style in direct confrontation to be
even able to attempt it. And if it's improperly done, it can
temporarily turn the victim into a juggernaut, boosting their skill to
unprecedented levels." Ukyou nearly fell from her seat, her eyes
bulging and mouth moving soundlessly. "Ukyou," the doctor asked in
concern, "Are you alright? You aren't hurt?"
"No, I'm fine..." she managed to say (2), "but it wasn't Cologne
or Happousai that used that technique."
"They didn't?" he asked in obvious confusion. "Then who..."
"TSUBASA!" she gasped. "Tsubasa's been fooling us all since the
beginning!"
********
1) Ikusaki Atemi: Warrior's Spirit Pressure Point
2) As fine as anybody who just found out that one of the major
concepts of her life was a lie should be expected to be.
********
Tsubasa wondered briefly who had stupidly decided to put a tree
in the place he had landed. Whoever it was, he decided, would be
getting a very unflattering letter quite soon. He shifted his weight,
managing to remove an annoying knot from his back. Latching onto a
branch, he pulled himself higher in the tree and found a large limb
strong enough to support his weight. With a sigh of utter
contentment, he leaned against a comfortable bowl in the tree. This
was as good a place as any to stay for awhile. The bark was warm, and
the leaves kept the pouring rain off him. In the distance, thunder
crackled and a bolt of lightning crashed, but it was weak. Tsubasa
was no judge of weather, but he had to say that this storm would end
fairly soon.
Having decided that his impromptu landing site would serve as a
temporary base, he sat back and smiled evilly. I have defeated Ranma!
He enjoyed the sound of those words so much he repeated them out loud.
Then he leaned into the tree, allowing the intoxicating warmth of
victory to imbue him with pleasure. It was a new feeling for Tsubasa,
which made it all the more special. And nobody could take it away
from him. He had defeated Ranma, period, pure and simple. And after
only one week of training...of course, there was an obvious
explanation for that. He was the single greatest natural martial
artist in the world. What other explanation was there? No one else
had ever beaten Ranma with a single kick. He was the first; the
greatest! Not only that, but he had also defeated Mousse, another
fine martial artist. Obviously, his years of stubborn refusal to
fight had kept his talent dormant...until Shampoo's training had
brought it to the surface.
But something was still bothering him...something important...
It took a while for his ego-swelled brain to find it, but once it did,
his mood quickly soured. Ukyou-sama. She had attacked him, even
after he had proven his merit against Ranma. He puzzled over that,
his brain going into overdrive and burning up several neurons in its
quest for the answer.
Then it came. Ranma. Ranma was still alive. Obviously, the
arrangement was still binding as long as Saotome lived, and Ukyou
would have to live up to it. Therefore, Ranma had to die. And with
Tsubasa's newfound supreme martial arts mastery, that would be a piece
of cake.
Tsubasa stood up, vaguely realizing that he had spent nearly an
hour thinking, and that the rain had by now stopped. He chuckled as
he took a few steps outward, then once he had enough room, he burst
out in a full-fledged megalomaniacal laugh. And with a ponderous
crack, the branch snapped off and sent him tumbling down the tree.
Tsubasa lost count of the branches that hit him-mostly due to the fact
that his head hurt too much to count. Finally, he burst from the tree
and landed fast-first on the ground. Stars burst in front of his
eyes, and the world went dark...
********
"Oh my," said Kasumi, and it was all Akane could do not to repeat
the words. She forced them down, however and managed to remain
reasonably calm. Then again, it was hard to remain calm in the face
of what Ukyou was saying. It was just too hard to believe.
"You've got to be kidding," said Nabiki, mimicking Akane's
thoughts. They were all gathered in Dr. Tofu's waiting room, the
Tendos and Mr. Saotome having come as soon as Tofu had phoned. Genma
was in panda form, thanks to the now tapering off rain. The doctor
himself had gone back to check out Ranma, though not before frying
Soun with a lamp he had been trying to give to Kasumi. Ukyou stood
near the door, every now and then unconsciously reaching for the
combat spatula she had left at Ucchan's. She had just finished
telling them all about Tsubasa.
"I know what I saw," she stated calmly.
"You have to admit, it's pretty far-fetched," Akane replied.
"Indeed," Soun said, a wisp of smoke trailing from his hair. (1)
"Why would Tsubasa have hidden his talent for so long?"
"I already told you," she sighed. "He wanted to study Ranma's
technique so he could use that...atemi thing."
"But why pretend to be helpless," Akane asked, "when he could
have taken on Ranma all this time?"
Soun suddenly pounded a fist into his palm. "That's it!" he
cried. "You all admit, Ranma has a knack for defeating superior
opponents. Look at Pantyhose Tarou or Herb, for example. Tsubasa
must have done this to lull Ranma into a false sense of security.
Then, when he finally revealed his impressive prowess, it would
demoralize his opponent." His eyes narrowed. "We're obviously
dealing with a master of psychological warfare." (2)
"I wouldn't go that far," Ukyou said. "We're still dealing with
Tsubasa here."
[Can we eat now?] Genma displayed that sign, then flipped it
over to where [You called us away from supper, you know.] was written.
Ukyou glared at him.
"All I know for sure," she said, "is that Tsubasa's dangerous,
but he won't attack me. So I'm not leaving Ranchan alone for a
minute." Akane didn't whole-heartedly agree with that. Ranma had it
bad enough without having to put up with a fawning bimbo like Ukyou.
Not that Akane had any personal animosity against Ukyou, it wasn't
like they were competing for Ranma or anything. As far as Akane was
concerned, she could...have him... She abruptly realized that the
others were talking, and she had apparently missed a good portion of
the conversation. With a grimace, she turned her attention back to
the matter at hand.
"...don't care!" shouted Ukyou, "It's my responsibility to
protect him! After all, I'm the only one who Tsubasa won't attack!"
"Ranma can take care of himself!" replied Soun, equally
vehemently. "He will _not_ be protected by you!"
"Ranchan's unconscious, pal," Ukyou growled through clenched
teeth. "He can't even move, much less defend himself."
"Oh look," Kasumi said brightly. "The rain's stopped."
Everybody glanced outside and saw that she was telling the truth. (3)
"Why don't I go back home and bring us some sandwiches?"
"Wonderful idea, Kasumi," said Soun, while Genma flashed a sign
with 'Hai!' written about a dozen times on it.
"I'll be right back," she said, and stepped out. By some stroke
of good fortune, Dr. Tofu walked into the room as soon as the door had
closed behind her.
"Ah, here's the doctor now," said Soun. "Doctor, we were
wondering if you could clear up an argument we were having..."
"Anything to help," Tofu said with a smile. For a brief moment,
Akane felt some of her old feelings towards this kind man stir, but
they were gone before she realized it. Replaced forever by... "After
all, I'm here to keep injury to a minimum." He chuckled, then blinked
as noone else seemed to get the joke.
"Hai," Ukyou said. "Could you tell them about that attack?"
"Certainly," Tofu said, his face immediately turning serious.
"It's an extremely powerful, dangerous technique. It can only be done
by a true master of the martial arts, and even they might only try it
in desperation. Once it hits, if the striking body part moves even a
fraction of a millimetre in the wrong direction, it will temporarily
make the victim immune to pain. But if done correctly, as it was to
Ranma, it will completely transform the victim's fighting spirit into
bioelectricity that fries their nervous system."
"Told you," Ukyou commented.
"Could it have possibly been done by accident?" asked Nabiki
sceptically.
"After a short pause, Tofu said, "The chances are one in a
trillion. Tsubasa would have to be the luckiest person in the world."
"So much for that theory," said Akane. "If there's one thing we
know, it's that Tsubasa isn't lucky."
"I remember something about luck being a pendulum..." Tofu mused.
"Oh, forget it. That's an old wives tale."
Soun sniffled. "Then it's true!" He began to cry. "Ranma's
doomed *choke* he'll never marry Akane...WAAAAAAHHHH!"
"I'm not marrying him!" shot back Akane, absently noticing that
Ukyou had almost echoed her words. Akane sighed as her father
approached a Complete Soun Tendo Tear Breakdown. (4)
********
1) From the aforementioned electrocution, of course.
2) At this point, though nobody noticed, Nabiki shook her had in
wonderment and said "I must be adopted."
3) Not that there was any doubt.
4) Again, though nobody noticed, Nabiki nodded wisely and said "Yes,
I'm definitely adopted."
********
Cologne bounded into the Nekohanten, a smug smile on her face.
Shampoo stood up, turning away from the cloth-covered cage from which
an irate quacking could be heard.
"What have you heard, o-baba?" she asked in Chinese.
"Rumours have been spreading about Tsubasa and Ranma's battle,"
Cologne responded in their native tongue. "Obviously, no one would be
talking about it if nothing special had happened."
"Aiya! Plan is working!" Shampoo reverted to Japanese as she
jumped up and down.
"Yes, and thanks to you knocking out and capturing Mousse, none
will reveal the secret to son-in-law before it is too late."
"Oh, Shampoo no knock out Mousse," she said, her head already
filling with pictures of the happy couple.
"You didn't?" said Cologne, surprised. "Then who..."
"It train-vest-eat, he beat," she said with a shrug. "He use
weird ground flip move."
"Tsubasa _defeated_ Mousse..."
At this point, somebody-Shampoo vaguely recognized him as one of
Ranma's friends from school-ran into the Nekohanten. "Hey, did you
hear?" he yelled excitedly. "Tsubasa put Ranma in the hospital with
one kick! I've never seen anything like it!" He ran out, leaving a
very shocked-and suddenly not so happy-Amazon duo behind.
"Aiya..."
"It appears," Cologne said after a long moment, "that things
didn't go exactly as I had planned."
********
Tsubasa woke up with a headache, which wasn't strange,
considering how he had gone to sleep. What _was_ strange was that he
was in a bed. He sat up, in exquisite but familiar agony, and took a
look around. The room he was in was either a bamboo hut or made to
look like one through meticulous work. After a moment, Tsubasa's
trained eyes picked up the tell-tale clues which confirmed the latter
hypothesis. The room had one door-closed-and a window which
overlooked a well groomed zen-style greenhouse with a large pool of
steaming water. Alongside one wall was a rack, upon which hung a
mirror and about half a dozen long wooden swords...wooden swords?
"In truth, of all the creature upon this earth, man be he only
that does fret away in slumber the discourse of our souls. But as
with the lily that dries in the fall winds, so does the end come
naught from nowhere. (1) The sleeper awakens." Tsubasa hadn't heard
anyone enter, so the jumped as he heard the speech. He spun around
and glared at the tall, robed figure, bokken strapped at his side, who
stood next to the open door. Kunou, one of Ranma's rivals, another
soul like himself.
"Don't _do_ that!" the transvestite barked.
Kunou stepped forward. "Forget not your place. The guest's
purpose is not to complain, but to thank the host."
"Host?"
"Indeed. Yesterday eve, while making my daily constitutional, I
came upon yon form sprawled neath the spreading boughs in our family's
ward. So did noble Sasuke bring ye here, where all night, the slumber
of the innocent didst thou partake."
"Nani?" Tsubasa's features screwed up in confusion. "Don't you
speak Japanese?"
"In truth, is truth truly the truth of truthful ones? If so, I
do." Tsubasa blinked, not quite sure how to respond to that. He
didn't know there was going to be true or false on this test...wait a
second... "But anon, let us outside. If my august personage is
correct in assuming that thou art the girl-man Tsubasa, we have
matters of grave import to discuss. Follow me into the morning's
glory."
Having nothing better to do, Tsubasa followed Kunou out of the
greenhouse/bath. Kunou continued to talk, and Tsubasa found to his
surprise and delight that if he concentrated, he could actually make
out most of what he was saying. "Improbable as it may seem, I doth
upon occasions of irregular measure present myself to mortals of
lesser standing than I. It is for the purpose of intelligence that I
do this; intelligence about cursed and vile Saotome, so that I may
initiate his downfall."
Tsubasa nodded. Of course, Kunou wouldn't have to worry much
longer. After all, once Tsubasa killed Ranma, all of Kunou's problems
would be solved.
"Therefore, you can understand my immense disquiet upon hearing
the news that was presented to me..." they exited the house and walked
towards a large tree, "...when I inquired about the foul one.
'Someone hath bested him' I was told, 'and forced him into recovery
from grievous injury.' And that someone..." Kunou snarled, pulling
out his bokken, "was you!" Tsubasa involuntarily leaped back as Kunou
spun to face him, only to find himself against the tree. He began to
get angry. How dare this fool threaten the greatest martial artist in
Nerima!
"Get lost," Tsubasa growled. "I don't want to have to hurt you."
"You plan on destroying Saotome," Kunou retorted. "That is an
honour I reserve for myself." He took a practice swing. "Prepare
yourself for divine retribution."
"Please," sneered Tsubasa. "You're no match for me." He stepped
forward into his best combat stance (2) and prepared to annihilate
this bothersome nuisance.
"DIE!" roared Kunou, charging forward. Tsubasa took a single
step...and stepped on a chestnut, lost his balance with a gasp and
fell to the side, tumbling nearly to the water's edge. Kunou's bokken
cleaved the air where Tsubasa's head had been a mere moment ago and
cleanly severed the tree through the trunk.
Tsubasa regained his feet just as Kunou turned and pointed the
bokken menacingly at him. "Now shall the time of greatest pain be
revealed in the fires of the snowy mountaintop." There was an ominous
creak. "Nani?" Kunou turned to look at the tree, which was rapidly
descending towards him. "Eep." With an thud, the chestnut tree
buried Kunou under it's spreading limbs. Never one to look a gift
tree in the bark, Tsubasa put his hands on his hips and tossed back
his head arrogantly, sending his long, curly hair flapping.
"Fool." He grinned evilly. "You can't defeat me. Even nature
fights on my side." He began to laugh, enjoying the feel of it.
"Nothing can stop me. I AM A _GOD_!" He burst into a full bout of
megalomaniacal laughter. "And you, Saotome, are next!"
********
1) No, I don't know what the hell he meant either, so don't ask.
2) Which any martial artist worth his or her salt could have picked
out about 50 errors in.
********
Ukyou couldn't remember how long it had been since she had last
slept. In fact, ever since she finished telling the others about
Tsubasa, everything had gone sort of vague. She remembered standing
outside the Ranma room, even after Akane had gone to sleep on the
couch and Soun had fallen unconscious from the exertion of keeping
himself upright in his full samurai armour. She could recall Nabiki,
Genma and Kasumi leaving, but wasn't sure when. The visage of Dr.
Tofu trying to get her to rest briefly flickered in her memory, then
his disappointment when she refused. The night had passed
uneventfully, broken only by the occasional time she had opened the
door to look at Ranma's strangely peaceful form.
Sometime the next morning she had begun the struggle to stay
awake. Akane had put the news on the radio-some nonsense about
somebody knocking over buildings in New York-which helped Ukyou stay
alert. Later on, her interest flared briefly as Shampoo, Mousse and
Cologne entered. She couldn't remember the exact conversation, but it
involved Mousse having been defeated by Tsubasa, which all but
confirmed Ukyou's theory. She had been too tired to be suspicious,
but Akane wasn't. (1) Mousse remained tight-lipped about his defeat,
obviously too embarrassed to elaborate. Shampoo and Cologne were no
better, just saying something about dumping the transvestite in a back
room, and then Tsubasa leaving after beating Mousse. (2) After that,
nothing much really happened for awhile, as everybody just sat around
and talked about how to deal with the crisis. It was nearing evening
when Sasuke dragged the battered form of Kunou in, explaining
something about Tsubasa dropping a tree on him. Cologne soon
returned to the Nekohanten to "prepare", while the others took up
sleeping positions. Again Dr. Tofu had pleaded with Ukyou to rest,
but she would hear none of it. Finally he gave up, and the clinic
became silent save for Akane's sleep-induced mumbling.
Now she was gazing out the window at the crescent moon, which was
starting to blur in her vision. She grimaced and dug her nails into
her palm. Tsubasa was too dangerous; he had already defeated Mousse,
Kunou and Ranma...most likely Ryouga too, since he hadn't shown up and
the news of Ranma's defeat should have brought him running. Suddenly,
she heard a noise. With still-sharp reflexes she spun around...and
gasped with delight.
There, standing in the doorway to the Ranma room, dark circles
under his eyes and his legs shaking slightly, was Ranma Saotome.
"Ranchan..." she sighed in relief.
"I had the weirdest dream," he mumbled. 'I dreamt Tsubasa
attacked me..." He blinked. "What am I doing in Dr. Tofu's clinic?"
"Oh Ranma," she said, stumbling over. She let the entire story
pour out. Ranma's expression passed from surprise and curiosity, to
shock, to disbelief and finally to stunned horror.
"You can't be serious..." he began, then looked at her more
carefully. "Ucchan, are you all right?' he asked in concern.
"Ukyou!" he repeated as she fell forward, total exhaustion finally
overtaking her. She murmured something and fell into his arms...
********
1) Akane is _never_ too tired to be suspicious. Just ask Ranma.
2) Which, if you remember correctly, isn't exactly a lie.
********
Tsubasa glared through the window. He was on the roof of the
building across the street from the clinic, where his disguise as a TV
antenna had kept him from being seen by those fools. But how could he
remain inert when his Ukyou-sama was in the hands of that fiend? He
stood up, immediately lost his footing as his legs buckled because
they had spent too much time cramped in his costume and flew off the
edge of the roof to land in an empty dumpster in a nearby alley. His
head smashed against the metal and his vision blurred...
********
Excerpt from the journal of Will Culhammer, explorer
Day 6, Congo Survey:
Six days in the jungle with only native guides for company can do
strange things to a person's mind. Take this morning's incident for
example.
We had just left camp and were on our way back to the river to
collect the boats. The jungle was strangely quiet that morning; at
least, quiet as compared to the continual din that accompanied most
days. I attributed this to the stifling heat and lack of rain. One
of the guides called a halt and informed me that he had heard
something out in the underbrush. After a quarter hour we decided it
had just been an animal and continued on.
We soon reached the river, and began to prepare the boats for
departure. Then a fearful crashing erupted from the underbrush. We
all looked over as a figure dashed out of the jungle. He was a
Japanese youth, in a yellow tunic and dark green pants which were tied
up on the shins. He carried a bamboo umbrella and appeared to be
somewhat delusional, for he kept screaming in Japanese. I don't
understand the language, but I could tell he was quite angry, and kept
referring to a "Ranna" or possibly "Rama". As he did so, he dashed
across the small clearing and fell into the river with a yelp. And
this is the really strange part, for when the sopping figure emerged
from the water, it was not a man, but a small black piglet. The
indignant piglet charged past us and back into the underbrush.
I decided at that point that it would be best if I left the
jungle and found a nice soft room somewhere, so I can go insane in
peace.
Will Culhammer
********
The Tendo Dojo was quiet: like a morgue, Ranma couldn't help but
think. He sat on the roof, looking over the city with a forlorn
feeling. He'd managed to put Ukyou down and cover her with a blanket
before Akane woke up. Of course, though, the tomboy had awoken just
as he was leaning over Ukyou, tucking in the blanket and brushing some
hair off her face. In Ranma's opinion she had totally overreacted:
after all, he had only done what any good friend would do. He
grimaced as he touched the spot on his head where the lump was going
down.
After that he and Akane had talked, and she had pretty much
confirmed everything Ukyou had said. They waited until morning to
wake the others-mostly because Ranma didn't feel quite up to prying
Shampoo off with a crowbar yet. Of course, he had been confronted
with her overwhelming joy at his recovery that morning. He touched
the tender part of his face that reminded him of Akane's reaction to
_that_.
They had returned to the dojo not long after, leaving the
exhausted Ukyou with Dr. Tofu. Kunou hadn't as yet recovered enough
to move, which was probably just as well.
After five hours of dealing with the insanity downstairs, he had
gone up to the roof in a sour mood. Now, as he looked over the city
where the sun was just reaching its peak and cottonball clouds were
drifting lazily across the sky, he felt a cold, hard lump forming in
his chest.
Sure, he had managed to beat some pretty tough opponents. But
none of them had ever knocked him out with _one_ kick, one kick that
had downed him for _two days_! And, just to prove how good he was,
Tsubasa had defeated Mousse and Kunou too, and God knew what he had
done with Ryouga. Ranma felt the same helplessness he'd faced against
the phoenix, but more acute.
Tsubasa had been toying with him. He found that even more
frightening than his newly-revealed skill. The thought that Tsubasa
was so sure of his inevitable victory...inevitable _final_ victory,
that he could afford to toy with Ranma and learn all his opponent's
tricks. If he was good as he seemed, he would know all of Ranma's
moves by now. And he wouldn't have revealed himself if he couldn't
counter them all.
Ranma clenched his fists tightly in pointless rage, then let them
fall open. No, he would need his brains to figure out this one.
Everyone had a weakness, something Ranma could exploit. But in order
to find it, he would have to watch Tsubasa fight, and that was
something the transvestite hadn't let him do.
"Scared, Saotome?"
He leaped, spinning around in mid-air, to see Tsubasa standing
behind him on the peak of the roof, his eyes narrowed evilly and a
confident smile on his face. Ranma quickly got into defensive
posture.
"I'm not here to fight, fool."
Ranma blinked. "Y-you're not?"
"No." He tossed his head. "Ukyou-sama isn't around. I want her
to see me tear you apart. I want her to realize how weak and pathetic
you are, and how perfect I am!"
"She doesn't love you," Ranma growled. "Can't you see that?"
"Yes she does!" Tsubasa snapped . "You force her to act like
that, you cruel manipulative evil little man! But when you're dead,
she'll finally be able to show her true feelings!"
"And what if she _is_ showing her true feelings?" Ranma shot
back. "What if you kill me and she still doesn't love you?"
"Oh, she loves me," he smirked. "You'll see after you're
dead..." He blinked. "Or maybe you won't."
"You seem pretty sure of yourself."
"Wouldn't you be? I knocked you out with one kick, Ranma, ONE
KICK! Think about what I'll do to you when I _really_ get down to
business."
"Did you come here to do something," Ranma barked, "or just
gloat?"
"Oh, I'm here for a reason. The gloating's just a pleasurable
benefit." He smiled. "Be at the school field at sunset Ranma,
because I'll be waiting. And if you don't show, I'll hunt you down
like a dog and pin your squirming carcass to the wall."
"I'll be there," said Ranma, with a hundred times more confidence
than he felt.
"Excellent." And with that, Tsubasa turned and left, leaving
Ranma with a sense of rapidly approaching doom. He looked up at the
sun, and briefly wished for the power to stop its motion.
********
News of the coming battle spread like wildfire through Nerima.
Thus, it was no surprise that come sundown that half the town had
shown up at Furinkan High, with stragglers still coming in. They
created a giant, oval-shaped ring at the back of the school, while
those who had somehow found their way in clustered at the windows.
Nabiki canvassed the crowd, offering 5 to 1 odds in favour of Tsubasa
and gladly accepting bets on the freakshow's upcoming victory. When
Ranma asked her if she could be a bit more supportive, she would only
smile that "I know something you don't know" smile and continue on.
Ukyou stood next to Ranma, her thoughts chaotic. Her entire
world was about to collapse one final time. Despite her protests
Ranma had agreed to fight; despite her offers of protection he had
refused to back down. She remembered clearly his words after she had
arrived at the dojo to plead with him.
"I live for my skills, Ukyou. If I back down from Tsubasa's
challenge without even trying, it will be worse than death. I'll have
lost everything I am, forsaken all my hard work to live a normal life.
No, I have to fight this battle...even if it's my last."
Now Ranma's expression was hard and determined as he wrapped tape
around his wrist and hands, a sure sign that he was ragged by the same
doubts as Ukyou. Soun sat not far away, blubbering like a baby;
Kasumi was comforting him. Ukyou knew Dr. Tofu was waiting somewhere
in the crowd to tend to Ranma, should he survive. Somebody had
perceptively, thankfully, separated him and Kasumi. Shampoo stood not
far away from Ukyou. She had tried to take Ranma's place, but he
would hear none of it. Cologne stood near Mousse, who seemed quite
pleased that Ranma was about to meet his end. Akane was directly
behind Ranma.
"Maybe you'll win," she offered, in a tone that suggested even
she didn't believe it. Kodachi was around somewhere, but Sasuke had
promised to keep her from interfering.
"Where is Tsubasa anyway?" said Genma, in between mouthfuls of
popcorn.
"I don't know," said Ranma, in an amazingly steady voice. "He
said he'd be here."
As if on cue, the murmuring of the crowd swelled and the far wall
of the ring opened to admit the freak. He stood at the far side for a
moment and merely smiled at Ranma. Then, with a look of reluctant
determination, Ranma stepped forward. Ukyou briefly considered
begging him to back down again, but knew it would be futile. With
slow steps the two combatants approached each other. The sunset was
at Tsubasa's back, and it caused his shadow to proceed him and swallow
Ranma.
The two came to within a few metres of each other. Ranma slid
into a highly defensive position, obviously having decided to
concentrate just on staying alive until he had a better idea of
Tsubasa's capabilities. In a show of supreme arrogance, the
transvestite didn't even bother getting into any kind of fighting
stance, simply standing and smirking.
"Ready to meet your maker, Saotome?" his voice carried across the
field.
Somehow, Ranma managed to force a sneer into his reply. "Ready
if you are."
"Then DIIIEEEEE!!!" cried Tsubasa, sprinting the short distance
between him and his opponent. He swung back his leg, and began a
powerful spinkick with Ranma's chest as the target. Ranma braced
himself, and Ukyou turned away, unable to watch...
...somewhere, the cosmic pendulum swung back...
...and an explosion rocked the field, accompanied by a cry of
shock from the crowd and a cry of rage from somebody else.
"RANMA!!!"
Ukyou blinked. That wasn't Tsubasa's voice...it sounded like...
"Ryouga?" She turned and looked at the unfolding scene. There stood
Ranma, his face surprised and shocked; there stood Tsubasa, his face
perplexed and his foot planted firmly in the small of Ryouga's back,
who was standing with his umbrella in the middle of the small crater
it had created on impact.
"I WANT REVENGE!!!!" Ryouga roared.
"R-ryouga..." Ranma blinked.
"Are you going to fight or not?" He was surprised by a tap on
his shoulder.
"Excuse me," said Tsubasa, "but you're in my way."
"Huh?" Ryouga looked behind him as Tsubasa put his foot down, an
irritated expression on his face. "What was that?"
"I said move it, you addlebrained clod!" Tsubasa shouted.
"Don't threaten me, pal," said Ryouga darkly, turning to face
him.
"Very well, then this is on your own fool head!" Tsubasa forward
kicked Ryouga in the chest. The lost boy blinked, but otherwise
seemed to be in no pain. Tsubasa was another matter, as he hopped
around clutching his foot. The crowd began to murmur.
"H-how did you..." gasped Ranma.
"OF COURSE!" cried Cologne in excitement. "All of Tsubasa's
skill, all his victories, all his power..."
"Yes?" everyone asked in anticipation.
Cologne returned to normal. "...was a remarkable string of
luck."
"WHAT?!?" everybody bellowed.
"Why that..." Ukyou began in rage.
"...pathetic little..." Akane continued, equally angry.
"...arrogant..." Mousse growled.
"...fluky..." Ranma stalked towards Tsubasa, who was examining
his foot as if trying to figure out what was wrong with it.
"...weasel boy!" Shampoo finished as she drew her bonbori and
Ukyou snapped out her combat spatula. Abruptly, Tsubasa became aware
of everybody looming menacingly around him.
"Eep..." he said simply, and then the sound of breaking bones
filled the night air.
The End
Thus ends the first part of "Ukyou: Affairs of the Heart", a sextet
which you probably think right now has an inappropriate name. Well,
this chapter did very little romance-wise, but rest assured some
future chapters will be heavy on it...and some won't. The next
chapter, "Boy Trouble", will be out soon. For a couple of shameless
plugs, we also invite you to try "Ran Wars", "Ranma: Curse of
Darkness", and "Ranma: The Kyoto Chronicles". Jya ne!
Blade and Epsilon
